Slight depression

Dear Diary,

I bloody HATE the Job Centre!!! Just to get that out of the way......

Pub Quiz last night was actually not bad - we came 5th. What gives me more vicious thrills than anything is seeing Anna's parents (who Mum says have always looked down their noses at me since I was a kid) looking at me in shock, when I know the answers to loads of questions. You can almost see them ITCHING to say "How do YOU know that??" Well fuck you guys, I guess when you spend the years believing your perfect Teacher-Assistant daughter is cleverer than the Struggling-Writer friend, you're bound to get a shock at some point. Actually, hang on, that sounded big-headed. But you know what I mean. Plus it helps that I read like a MOTHER - you just pick stuff up.

The second I got up to go to the bar, Anna practically blazed fire trails across the floor to join me - and ask my assistant in analysing EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING her boyfriend has said or done (or not done) in the past week, ranging from name-dropping his female friend to reasons why they can't hang out this week. Again, I'm no expert, but I at LEAST know one universal fact: Nagging...... is NOT attractive. EVER. Nor is constantly pestering him and asking why you don't spend more time together. Or, god forbid, asking why he doesn't talk about his FEELINGS.

.....................................

IS SHE FRIGGING INSANE???!!! She's only been seeing this guy THREE MONTHS!! I don't care if he's the sweetest, most mild-mannered guy on the planet. I don't care how "intimate" or "solid" they are, it just ISN'T DONE. She was even talking about marriage and moving in together. And apparently SHE HAS MENTIONED THIS TO HIM. I mean...... THREE MONTHS, PEOPLE!!!! What the HELL??! Over keeness, much? Jesus.....
Anyhow, I answered and advised with all the skill (and "interested face") I could muster, whilst wanting to just grab her and shake her like a polaroid picture. I am all for love at first sight. I even believe it could happen to both people at the same time. I'm a hopeless romantic, and love all that stuff. But I at least know the universal rules. Whether from an inntuitive female inner-knowlege or mis-spent youth reading glossies, who knows?

Today wasn't too bad - had my first ever morning pub shift, which was strange but plesant. Made WAY more tips than usual, and the Landlady even let me clock off an hour early for my Job Centre appointment.

Now then.

I FUCKING HATE THE JOB CENTRE!!! OK, so it was nice and very customer-friendly. And for the first part, all I did was sit and verify everything I'd said in the phone call. But by the time I got to the second part, I was starving and bursting for the loo, not to mention being interviewed by one of the dimmest women in the NorthWest. After 45 minutes my stomach was rumbling and my kidney's pulsating, as "Jean" sat making ENDLESS spelling mistakes, blatantly not knowing one end of the computer from the other, and waffling on about how she got her job, why she loves her job, and the personalities and habits of her husband, three kids, and their hamster, Brian.

By then I was ready to gnaw my own hand off out of boredom/hunger, but eventually signed and verified everything, promised to put in the effort, and got ready to leave - excited by my new motivation and ambition. Until I turned back, just to check, and asked how much I got.

"Forty-six pounds"
"Oh, great! A week?"
"No, a fortnight."
"..............................??????"

FORTY-SIX BLEEDING QUID A FORTNIGHT??? Who the HELL could live off THAT??! OK, I suppose the fact that I live with parents and don't have children to support or rent to pay probably contributed..... but STILL!! Apparently my pathetic little "4 hours a week" job counts as "Part-time employment." Fucking hell!! I give up. I really do. Why the HELL didn't I just LIE??!! Probably illegal, but fuck it, I'd have got more! Actually, thinking about it, that's probably what they call "fraud".......
Tripped off home in an angry daze, wondering what the hell I'm going to do now. Apart from endlessly send off fakely enthusiastic letters in the vain hope of getting a soul-crushing job that will probably REALLY annoy me......

Evening wasn't much better. Was cheered up briefly by a series of increasingly excited/exciting texts from Alice about this weekend. Shit, should probably start picking outfits and packing, come to think of it..... Until tea time came. Mum, clearly not grasping the concept of me cooking tea for a week so she could put her feet up, hung around ALL the way through, looking over my shoulder, poking her nose in, criticising at every turn and telling me exactly where I was going wrong. I was only making chicken and veg, for frig's sake. I nearly threw the ladle at her and shouted; "You know what? I'll leave you to it, you obviously don't need me here." Thankfully, I didn't.
It turned out nice in the end, anyway.

Had a call from baby brother again - who's now demanding the second half of the money I owe him from ages ago (£130. Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!!!!) Bad news is, I simply don't have it. More bad news, he told Mum I owe him, which shows he means BUSINESS. Even more bad news, this means I have to come up with the money pretty damn quickly before she suspects anything. And even MORE bad news - this means that he's spent all his money and is pretty much living off noodles and working for his bed. Shit...... What's he going to DO?! He can't really GET any skinnier, he'll DIE.

Topped off the evening with a trip to the gym. Wasn't getting into it AT ALL tonight, but was distracted by a skinny cutie, who I've seen a few times, and always catches my eye. It happened again tonight - a LOT. I'd be staring aimlessly round the room, and then look back and he'd be looking at me. Don't get me wrong, I liked it. And I got to practise my "stare at crotch and then look up startled-rabbit-style" looks and smiles. Meh, probably doesn't mean anything. Chances are he's most likely thinking:

a) "I wonder where she got that Led Zeppelin t-shirt?"
b) "By CHRIST that's a red face!! How is she still ALIVE???!"
c) "Shit.... why does she keep looking at me? Do I KNOW her?! Oh my god, what if it's someone who knows me but I don't recognise them?? Keep looking, try and figure out who she is....."

Spent an hour online, staring psychopathically at Gary's picture on Facebook, willing him to start chatting to me. I know, I'm a twat. Even cracked and sent a message asking about his status.... to no reply. What a cunt. What kind of limp-dick parody of a man comes on all hot and heavy, working someone up for weeks, promising all sorts and then just not only stops talking to them, but also IGNORES them?? The absolute dick-tard, knob-licking, man-boobed, colon-sucking, wank-stain SCROTAL SACK!!! I hope he gets raped with an artichoke. A BIG SPIKY ONE.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: aggravated, frustrated and isolated
Current Music: "Crazy" - Alanis Morissette