Dear Diary,
In a way, I'm kind of relieved. I mean, yeah, I was massively looking forward to tonight - not just because I would be having lots of lovely David-lovin, but also the prospect of seeing an old friend, and setting off on a little mini-adventure of town and hotels..... anything to get away from my boring life at the moment. David and I spoke online AGAIN this morning, he reckons the next time he'll be free is the WEEKEND AFTER NEXT. Hmph.
I'm ashamed to admit, I felt quite smug and a little hint of "fuck you" as he told me how sorry he was and how he thought I'd be quite mad at him. Yes I am, my friend. Oh, so VERY mad. But I'm mad in a deadly, quiet way. Whilst I'm gnashing my teeth and calling you every name under the sun, all you're seeing is a quiet, disturbing and unsettling calm. It's always what people DON'T say that's the scariest, and I know from experience that silence can be the biggest assassin of all. Because it makes you paranoid about what they might be thinking. That's the stance I'm now taking. Oh yes. I'm the python in the toybox..... the silent killer lurking at the back of his mind! Mwahahahahahaa.....
Ahem. Anyway.
BUT, let's look at the plus side of this:
I don't have to worry about shaving logistics ("If I did it the other day can I leave it.....? Will it be worse if I do it again tonight?" etc etc....)
I don't have to stress my head about what to wear that somehow says; "Look at my boobs! Have you missed these bad boys?" "Yes Mum, I AM only going over to Marie's for a DVD and wine" and "I am an irresistable sex-bomb" all at the same time.
I've got time to buy some NORMAL looking condoms (ie: not yellow and green. Are banana and apple the only goddamn flavour the pub toilet machines HAVE?!)
I will have earnt more money and therefore won't feel guilty about hotel/Ann Summers (should I want to purchase a little last-minute surprise) spending.
I will have 2 weeks to ressurect the old diet (the one that made me faint but also lost me 8 pounds in a WEEK) and put it into action - combined with 2 weeks of rampant gym-haunting to make myself feel a little less insecure by the time it comes to de-robing.
I won't have to worry about extreme hair-care, bombshell make-up techniques, shaving, plucking, toning, exfoliating, travel negotiating, money saving or outfit-picking for a FORTNIGHT. It's kind of a sweet relief.
It means I am now able to go out with Joe tonight.
Speaking of which, I need to have a shower soon. I texted him this morning asking if the offer of an after-lesson drink still stood. His reply? "Hmmm...... ok then." Wow. Ouch. Trouble with him is, you never know if that's his sense of humour or if he's genuinely annoyed and thinks I've been playing games or something. Nah, it must have been a joke. He doesn't technically have the right to get annoyed just cos I've cancelled and then re-affirmed, ONCE. Besides, I've not exactly TOLD him I had a fuck-buddy who bailed on me - even I know when to keep my mouth shut. But is what I did really so different from having an appointment that got cancelled, leaving me free to meet up after all? Oh I don't know, the politics of this are mind-boggling. Or am I MAKING it mind-boggling? Hmm. Life is confusing.
Fuck it, I'll just have to wing it and see what happens. Just as long as things don't go past a few drinks for the time being. It would be an absolute pisser if I somehow got a fella (which I've been PRAYING for) before the best sex of my life wafted back into it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: slightly nervous and excited
Current Music: "Barry White" - Fun Lovin Criminals
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