Revelations and Confessions

Dear Diary,

Last night (Monday) was AWESOME. A certain.... revelation took place. Joe asked if I wanted to go out for a meal (another?? I'll be the size of a house at this rate!) in the evening, so we ended up going to La Tasca in town. It was weird walking along all dressed up through GhostTown on a Monday night, but I hadn't experienced Tapas since the once in Barcelona a few years ago at Alice's birthday meal, so needless to say I was curious and excited all at once. And we got a deal with a bottle of Rose' wine! Which, as he was driving, I pretty much ended up nearly drinking all to myself...... Ah, what a classy bird I am.

Anyway, the revelation came afterwards. Or confession, I don't know the appropriate word in this circumstance. So, we were pulled up outside my house in his car - the curtains, as expected, twitching every 5 minutes. We chatted for ages, me a little tipsy from the wine, playing out our goodbyes in a ridiculously long way (given that we were seeing each other again in a mere 15 hours). And, as before, I can't remember how this conversation started - presumably I made some kind of "I can't wait to jump your bones tomorrow" statement. And then it began:

Him: "So is the sex all you're gonna miss, then?"
Me: "I'm.... sorry?"
Him: "Oh god, sorry, that was a really fucking rude thing to say.... I'm so sorry..... I...."
Me: "No no, it's..... what were you saying?"
Him: "Nothing.... forget I said anything!"
Me: "Did you just ask if the sex was the only thing I'd miss about you?"
Him: "Um....... maybe?"
Me: "You did, didn't you?"
Him: "Yes....."
Me: "Well, I hope you don't mind me saying, but.... well, for me, I thought it was about more than sex...."
Him: "Yeah, I did too."
Me: "Really? Cos, obviously I don't mind if you DO just want it to be about sex...."
Him: "No, not at all! I really...... um..... I really like you, and I love just hanging out with you - obviously the sex is great too, that is a ..... bonus, if you like, but..... you know....."
Me: "So..... it's NOT just about the sex then?"
Him: "No. Unless you want it to be?"
Me: "No, not at all! Just wanted to know where I stood!"
Him: (*smile) "Cool"

Originally I felt kinda stupid for pushing the issue, but now I'm just glad. Because at least now I don't have to follow all the rules for this sort of thing - you know: do I just talk about sex all the time, can I relax and talk normally without flirts and innuendos? etc... etc... But at least I know it's about more than sex. Somehow, weirdly, that makes me feel lighter. God knows why. Maybe it's some kinda Freudian response to all the (not terribly good) sex I was having left right and centre last year. I don't feel quite so pressured now I can relax and focus on the other aspects of getting to know a man - like talking, and having a laugh and doing non-sexual things together. Blimey, is this what I've been missing out on all this time?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: slightly stunned
Current Music: "Everybody wants to rule the world" - Tears for Fears