Events and Confessions

Dear Diary,

The good news is, I'm feeling a lot more like my old self, since last Thursday. It would seem the combination of good friends (see comments), Joe, and the discovery of a bag full of earrings from the "80's jewellery" phase I went through at college is a tonic that would cheer ANYONE up. And all I can say in response to the comments is: Thank You. It seems such a meagre thing to say without fully conveying the depths of my gratitude that you haven't backed away in awkwardness, so really - thanks.

Thursday was both brilliant and awful. Had a nice quiet shift at the pub, during which Lisa came to visit and help me out (telling me when there was someone in the Vault that needed serving), much to the Landlady's sheer irritation; "You're here to WORK, not get distracted!" Grr... And then, just as Last Orders were approaching, who should walk through the door, but MARIE!! Who I haven't seen for 3 months!! Naturally we were all huggy and squealy as I poured her some Wickeds and set about catching up. She suggested a night out on the town - in a voice that betrayed clearly 2 bottles of wine that had previously been drank.

But fuck it, we were off! Got back to mine for a speedy costume-change, and then we were off! Off for our wonderful girly night out! In theory, anyway. Can't be rammed explaining, or thinking anymore about the night in question, so I'll break it down for you:

Bumped into Marie's boyfriend in 2nd bar - with friend
Friend and I got on well
All went back to Friend's house with booze from Tesco
Friend cornered me upstairs while Marie and Boyfriend had a "talk" (ominous....)
Friend stuck on "Saw 4" and reclined on bed, while I sat scrunched in a tight ball on the edge
Friend kept hitting on me, I repeatedly said no, and eventually stormed out.

It would seem that despite frequent mentions of Joe (God bless Marie) - nothing will stop a man trying to get what he wants. He kept holding onto my hand and trying to kiss me, clearly thinking that 3 months "isn't that long" to be with someone, and that somehow made it alright. The cock-end. What makes me feel sick though, is that 6 months ago, I would've done it. It would've been the exact same scenario, scruffy house, messy bedroom, with a lad who not only smoked, but I wasn't even that keen on...... and I still would've had sex with him. All that had changed was that I now had Joe. And it made me sick to think that that was the kind of person I used to be. It shouldn't be the recent acquistion of a partner stopping me, I shouldn't want to in the first place! I should have aimed a little higher than a skanky bedroom with a stranger, and it angers me that I used to do that. Fucking hell. Funny anecdotes they may have produced, but surely that isn't worth the horribleness, no matter how much I defended myself at the time. Denial can be an ugly bitch.

After running into the bathroom to discover a mid-pee Marie, I rang a taxi and asked her to cover me to the front door. Aided by the Friend's blatant male-ego-wound shouting: "Fine, fucking get out my house, the door's that way!" I stormed out and jumped a taxi to Joe's, ringing him on the way. I know, I'm awful - it was 3am and he had work the next day, but he was nearer to me than my house, and I wanted nothing more than to see him. He looked adorable in his tshirt and shorts, all sleep-befuddled, but before I could even think about this, I'd burst into tears on his shoulder. He let me get the whole drunken mess out ("Even holding hands felt like cheating, because YOU'RE the only person I hold hands with!"), looking increasingly angry at every mention of the Friend, even though, as I pointed out, the Friend hadn't TECHNICALLY done anything that warranted a kicking.

Eventually crawled into bed, a sniffling, smudged-make-up heap of hair and Southern Comfort, clinging onto Joe for dear life - who, by the time we finished talking, was supposed to be up for work in an hour. He rang in sick the next day.

Friday - was pretty nice. Woke up trying to keep the marks on my thigh hidden and apologising like crazy for making Joe miss work, but he assured me it was all fine, and lent me a hoodie and some trainers to wear home - I left my top and heels behind. He took me for a Subway breakfast (to cheer me up) and tried to get details out of me about the Friend, but I refused - he technically didn't do anything that bad, it's not as if he spiked me, or even shut the bedroom door. I just wanted to forget it by that point, and focus on removing my Hangover Hat.

Got home so late I didn't even have time to change - but at least I was in time to meet Lisa, who was driving us to the Trafford Centre for lunch with K. We had a good laugh, imagining Lisa's enforced "Team Building" (shudder) fortnight up in Scotland and munching pizzas - didn't go shopping afterwards, which I was secretly pleased about..... my hangover was raging.

The evening was lovely. Joe had finally found a copy of "Event Horizon" which he got very excited about, so we stuck it on and got stuck into our pizza. Sadly, despite the whole tube of Savlon I'd slapped on, he inevitably noticed the blatant web of marks on my thigh - which led to a quickly concocted story about getting ripped on branches when we walked through the graveyard. Well, we were about to have sex, and I may be no expert, but the truth sorta struck me as a bit of a mood-killer.
Afterwards, we were sat next to each other, and I caught him looking down at my leg with a strange expression. Turned out, he thought it looked like someone had "hit me" (who would hit a THIGH??!) so I knew I'd have to tell the truth before he jumped to the wrong conclusion. To be fair, I didn't break down crying, I just calmly told him, explained the circumstances, and swore it wouldn't happen again. He then told me he could understand, he wasn't going to leave me and he wasn't freaked out. Why? Because he'd done it.

Apparently it was a long long time ago, and arguably, his reasons were more "legit" than mine. But he'd even found a website that shows how to do it properly, and had to see a therapist as a result. Somehow, I wasn't freaked out either. We just sat there for ages, hugging each other and silently acknowledging how scary Life can be sometimes.

Saturday - wasn't too bad. Joe had another football match, so dropped me off early so he could go train. Had a shift at 4, which was pretty good, especially since Joe picked me up at the end - there's nothing so awesome as seeing everyone shut the hell up when he walks in. I have my own ginger bouncer! Stayed for a drink and 2 games of Pool after (surprise surprise, I was mercilessly thrashed) before heading off for tea. We ended up in the local Thai lounge, which neither of us had tried, but was fecking GORGEOUS. Seriously. Although the changing lighting left us very disorientated; "Was my meal ALWAYS orange??!"

Afterwards, on a Thai high, we drove back to his for a "Mock the Week" and Jimmy Carr-fest.... rolling around and laughing helplessly. Oh, and I mastered 3 new positions. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! To his credit, the thigh-marks didn't seem to faze him. Although the lights WERE off......

Sunday - Not much to say, really. We stayed in bed all morning, had breakfast out. Although we DID go visit Joe's Grandad's grave, which was especially nice. And especially awkward - his dad didn't want to talk about it, and so the only directions to the gravestone we had were "Near a chapel and a tree." Which, as you can imagine, was handy in a graveyard the size of Neverland. Anyway, after half an hour of traipsing we eventually found it, and stayed for quite a while, Joe telling me family history. It was sweet, to be honest.

After that, he took me home. Mum and Dad were out, so we sat and watched "Southpark" for a bit before he whisked me off to work, which wasn't so bad, and went quite quickly. Mum and Dad were STILL out upon returning, so I cracked open my Rose' wine (bought but not drunk on Friday night) defrosted a pizza (all we had in for tea that didn't require making) and snuggled down in front of "School of Rock." Perfect.

Monday - was full of nothing, apart from one quite big event...... Alice is home!! So to celebrate, we went to see her mate's band play at a student pub in town, which was coooooooooool. The singer was completely drowned out, but all in all they sounded great - and it was awesome seeing Alice and Neil again. Sometimes you forget the simple pleasure in just going out with an old friend for a few drinks. Good times!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: ambivalent
Current Music: "She-wolf" - Shakira. Awoooooooo!!