Stupid party mistakes

Dear Diary,

Sometimes, no matter how much I'm starting to think I know exactly what I'm doing and I'm all in control - something happens that makes me realise I'm NOT in control, I'm still stuck in the "uni" days, and I am in fact a completely irresponsible and stupid total fucking idiot.

To explain - on Friday I was invited to a barbeque at Joe's friend's in Maccelsfield - optimistic beyond all belief due to the total lack of weather. And once again, the "barbeque" consisted of a burger and 1 sausage on a plate. EACH. Still, we had fun, and started drinking from 4 in the afternoon, so it was ok. Matt brought the Wii and Chris brought his hilariously immature girlfriend, once again with her own list of stipulations (ie: "you will drive home with me at 7 in the morning cos I have to go to work - or you're dumped"). Anyway, the drinks were flowing, the Doritoes were floating round the room, mine and Joe's new careers were toasted, and before you know it, it was 1:30 in the morning and we were crammed round the dining table playing drinking games. Mostly "I never" and "Ring of Fire" with shots - thanks to two bottles of Peach Schnapps I'd brought. And that's where it started.

After a while, Joe (after about 10 lagers) cried off and went to bed, leaving us to play Ring Of Fire. Except one of the new rules was "Everytime you have to drink, you must kiss the person on your left on the cheek" (and you have to drink if you forget). Following? Anyhow, the game got crazier, the dares got more hilarious (let's just say the neighbours across the road got a good view of Matt's ass) and next thing I know, I was being dared to kiss Chris's girlfriend. And here's the awful part - I ACTUALLY DID.

Now I'm not going to try and justify it, because plain and simple: I shouldn't have. At all. But in my stupid and INCREDIBLY drunken head, all I could think were: "Hey, I still know how to have fun!" and "Ah screw Joe for being in a mood with me for not going to bed early - I'll show him what he's missing!" and also pathetically reasoning "Well, he joined in with the other dares (one of which included kissing his mate), what the hell's the problem?" Anyway, the result was about 5-7 seconds of more-than-innocent but WAY less-than-graphic kissing with a girl I don't even like that much. But I was smashed, and thought it'd be fun. Until I got upstairs, anyway.

As I climbed in next to Joe, he turned over - and in the coldest, most unfriendly voice I've ever heard, asked me if I was "having fun kissing all his mates." Tried to explain about the cheek-kiss rule (apparently that's not what it sounds like from upstairs) until he cut me off to say that Chris had run upstairs and told him how everyone was getting jollies off me and his girlfriend "touching each other up" (I would like to categorically point out that we were NOT) etc...... I desperately tried to explain but he turned over with a "whatever" and a damning silence. I got up, stormed to the bathroom and cried my eyes out in a ball on the floor. Woke up looking like a panda, and endured an INCREDIBLY awkward (mostly silent) drive home.

Good fucking times. I didn't half wonder why I'm spending my time with such a moody c*nt. It's not like I sucked anyone off. Still, wish I could stop crying. I've been doing it all aftenoon.

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