Dear Diary,
Apologies for last entries extreme morose-ness! This is what happens when you have no job and too much time to think. Anyway, have cheered up slightly now, following a shift at work. Well, not that the shift was anything to write home about - but the Love Eggs helped it along somewhat! It really is the most wonderful feeling - people should wear them more! Think how many happy workers up and down the country would be doing their jobs will a secret smile on their faces! Great, now I've got "Secret Smile" in my head - good old Tori.
SO - Parents are out for the night. Its just gone 3am and I've just stuck "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" on. Sam from work lent it me, after a lengthy discussion of what we both found to be the scariest horror film ever, I got onto "The Exorcist," she claimed Emily Rose was scarier, etc... etc... Got to work the other night to find it on the shelf, apparently she said I could borrow it. Nice! Decided there was no better way to celebrate the parents being out than snuggling under a duvet watching a horror film, munching on egg sandwich (well, I had the munchies and there's fuck-all to eat in this house). Have several jobs to do tomorrow morning so might as well not go to sleep. Or at least only get a few hours.
Oh my god. Just reached the "dorm room" incident, where the duvet slides off the bed. And I'm sat here under a duvet. Holy crap. If it so much as moves a CENTIMETRE, I'm running out the front door. Ooh, Laura Linney! Gosh, she looks different, mind you, she's a polished lawyer in this, whereas the last film I saw her in was "Love Actually," where she played a downtrodden girl looking after her sick brother. Makes sense.......
I'm rambling, I know. Really, I'm just typing things so I can have the laptop in my lap, and therefore an inexplicable yet heightened sense of security. Don't ask me how or why that works, it just do JESUS CHRIST!!!!! Sorry. One of Emily's classmates just started bleeding BLACK from the eyes! Fucking nora. This is some scary shit!
Ohhh..... OK, I've just jumped about 5 times in the last minute. Hmmmm.... I don't think I like this film. I've literally just sat here trying to calm myself down by singing; "It's OK, it's OK, they're acting, it's OK, it's only a horror FIIIIIIIIIIIIILM!!!" (To the tune of "Tomorrow" from "Annie")
Good lord. I've actually reached the Muting Stage. I ALWAYS do this, at least once upon watching a horror film for the first time. Especially alone. The Muting Stage is when the film reaches the inevitable "quiet" scene - the scene where someone, usually a main character, is somewhere alone, the lights have probably just gone out, and there's that creepy "suspenseful" music when you know - you just KNOW - that a big scare is just around the corner. I HAVE to Mute those points, no question about it. There's simply no AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! OH, SWEET CHRIST, FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! Oh my god, this is horrible. Not to mention weird, I just simultaneously screamed and typed - whilst jumping about a FOOT in the air. It was the bit where Jason looks over the edge of the bed and she's all contorted on the floor and staring straight at him - oh fucking hell, I'm getting goosebumps remembering it. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. This is sending the shits up me.
Shit. There seems to be a lot of emphasis on 3AM, everyone seems to be waking up and smelling burning at that time. Oh great, so it turns out 3am is the demonic witching hour. And I've just remembered what time I put this fucking film on. Sweet Jesus.....
Well, films over. It's now quarter to 5, and can't be rammed staying up.
What if I go to sleep and wake up and someone's just THERE lying contorted on my floor, staring straight at me?!? Fuck me. I'm SO not going to sleep tonight. Mum and Dad's bed it is, then. You can't see the floor when you're on it and besides - it's Mum and Dad's bed. Nothing can hurt or scare you in your parent's bed, it's a known fact.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: scared shitless
Current Music: Emily Rose credits music
Friday, 30 January 2009
The Big Question
Dear Diary,
Not feeling too good today. Illness is nearly gone (apart from a GOLF BALL that has somehow found it's way into my throat glands) but I'm just feeling incredibly frustrated and annoyed. I can't help wondering if this is just..... IT. That this is what Life is. I'm sure it's not supposed to be like this - lying in every day, watching films on Sky, feeling incredibly frustrated ALL the time, spending ALL day on the Internet and doing the odd shift at an Octogenarien Establishment - but this is ALL that's happening at the moment. Which begs the big question: What am I doing with my life?? I'm just one big ball of wasted energy. Now usually, people would say I should take that energy and direct it somewhere. Let's see, where can I direct it?
Into a job - I would, but for the mere fact that finding one is damn near fucking IMPOSSIBLE.
Into a boyfriend - Oooh, what a great idea! Lavishing all my unspent energy on a man I could just have lots of lovely sex and fun times with. Except it's COMPLETELY fucking imposssible to get one. There's only so much love and happiness in the world, and everyone else is hoarding it.
Into exercise - Get fucked. I can't do exercise like normal people. Besides, belly dancing is only once a week, and I can't afford to go joining a whole bunch of classes.
Into writing - Fantastic idea! If it were only THAT EASY. As I've tried to tell people a zillion times without sounding madly pretentious - you can't just sit down one day and have an idea. It has to COME to you. And that sounds really wanky, but it's true. Some of my best ideas have come to me walking along the road, or sitting on a bus, or wherever. It's really hard to just "sit down and write" - without a load of ridiculous, contrived bullshit coming out of your pen.
Sigh. In case you can't tell, I've just had the good old: "we-work-all-day-while-you-lie-in-bed-what-exactly-are-you-doing-with-your-life-why-don't-you-have-a-proper-job?" conversation/arguement with Mum. Again. And the annoying thing is, she's completely right. I've done sweet bollock-all about getting a proper job. OK, correction - I DID do A LOT about getting a proper job, and got the one at the L*********** over Christmas. But now the fuckknobs won't get back to me or give me anymore shifts. So I've got to go do the good old "trudge everywhere in the whole city and hand out CVs" route, almost 99% of which will never even get looked at anyway. And now I'm getting threatened by Mum with Rent. Which means she'll almost certainly figure out that I DON'T in fact have a load of money saved up, and I'll get the shit kicked out of me.
God, I hate this shit. Even more so because I don't just want to become another faceless Temp, doing a 9-5. I'm not for a second implying that I'm better than anyone else - if this entry proves anything, it's that I'm not. I just want to do a job I love, something really creative and exciting, that won't bore me to death. Namely scripting, for a Channel 4 sitcom, or similar. Sadly, you have to know your way into that industry, or wait to be "discovered," and who knows how long that'll take? Or if I'm even that good?
Not to mention that man situation. If I somehow got a boyfriend, that would at least give me SOMETHING to focus on and smile about these days, instead of trudging along with my no-fat soup, watching Corrie and wondering what the hell the point is. But I'm clearly doing something wrong. And I don't want to be so desperate that I "settle" for someone, just because they're the only one around who wants me. At the moment there are 4 men in my mind. There are also 4 problems to go with those men, which stops things from working out, or even going somewhere.
DAVID - Lives in Liverpool, doesn't want a relationship, or even more sex with me. Or if he DOES, he's being very coy about it, and doesn't even respond to my flirting. Head-fuck.
GARY - Even if he wanted to by now, wouldn't DARE start something - too scared of Zara's reaction. Which is a shame, as I really liked him.
LEE - Lovely, funny, exceptionally cute and smiley. Near my own age, and wouldn't mind him meeting the parents. Ideal candidate, except for the fact that - he only knows me in a work setting, he's never flirted, we've never been out, we've not seen each other since December (apart from last week), I probably don't even REGISTER to him, and there's the potential girlfriend he may or may not have. Not to mention he STILL hasn't been on Facebook and become my friend. I added him on Sunday, this is almost a WEEK. NO-ONE goes without Facebook for that long, it's not possible.
GAZ - FAIRLY sure he doesn't want a relationship - and he has a grey tooth. Plus, there's the criminal record, and too much smoking/drinking. Besides, he lives in a tiny CARAVAN on a WORKSITE. He uses a communal toilet with a SHUTTER for a door, and showers in the nearby hotel. I mean, come on! Am I just being snobby or does anyone else see the problem? Call me a traditionalist, but if I want to use the shower or loo after sex, I don't really want to shove all my clothes on and run across a carpark........
Grrrrrr..... this is so frustrating. And all around me, friends, accquaintance and just about EVERYONE are getting bright, fantastic jobs and wonderful boyfriends they're all happy with, while I'm sat in the shit-pile. I don't get it, have I done something WRONG?? Am I being PUNISHED for something? I went to school, got a good education, went to uni. I was a good kid, I never smoked, or drank in the park, took up drugs, got pregnant, or joined a gang. I've had jobs, I pay taxes, I've never willingly hurt anyone. What's the deal? Maybe I swear too much.
The universe had better throw me something good - and pretty fucking soon. I'm starting to lose faith.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: pissed off and upset
Current Music: "Jungle Boogie" - Kool and the Gang
Not feeling too good today. Illness is nearly gone (apart from a GOLF BALL that has somehow found it's way into my throat glands) but I'm just feeling incredibly frustrated and annoyed. I can't help wondering if this is just..... IT. That this is what Life is. I'm sure it's not supposed to be like this - lying in every day, watching films on Sky, feeling incredibly frustrated ALL the time, spending ALL day on the Internet and doing the odd shift at an Octogenarien Establishment - but this is ALL that's happening at the moment. Which begs the big question: What am I doing with my life?? I'm just one big ball of wasted energy. Now usually, people would say I should take that energy and direct it somewhere. Let's see, where can I direct it?
Into a job - I would, but for the mere fact that finding one is damn near fucking IMPOSSIBLE.
Into a boyfriend - Oooh, what a great idea! Lavishing all my unspent energy on a man I could just have lots of lovely sex and fun times with. Except it's COMPLETELY fucking imposssible to get one. There's only so much love and happiness in the world, and everyone else is hoarding it.
Into exercise - Get fucked. I can't do exercise like normal people. Besides, belly dancing is only once a week, and I can't afford to go joining a whole bunch of classes.
Into writing - Fantastic idea! If it were only THAT EASY. As I've tried to tell people a zillion times without sounding madly pretentious - you can't just sit down one day and have an idea. It has to COME to you. And that sounds really wanky, but it's true. Some of my best ideas have come to me walking along the road, or sitting on a bus, or wherever. It's really hard to just "sit down and write" - without a load of ridiculous, contrived bullshit coming out of your pen.
Sigh. In case you can't tell, I've just had the good old: "we-work-all-day-while-you-lie-in-bed-what-exactly-are-you-doing-with-your-life-why-don't-you-have-a-proper-job?" conversation/arguement with Mum. Again. And the annoying thing is, she's completely right. I've done sweet bollock-all about getting a proper job. OK, correction - I DID do A LOT about getting a proper job, and got the one at the L*********** over Christmas. But now the fuckknobs won't get back to me or give me anymore shifts. So I've got to go do the good old "trudge everywhere in the whole city and hand out CVs" route, almost 99% of which will never even get looked at anyway. And now I'm getting threatened by Mum with Rent. Which means she'll almost certainly figure out that I DON'T in fact have a load of money saved up, and I'll get the shit kicked out of me.
God, I hate this shit. Even more so because I don't just want to become another faceless Temp, doing a 9-5. I'm not for a second implying that I'm better than anyone else - if this entry proves anything, it's that I'm not. I just want to do a job I love, something really creative and exciting, that won't bore me to death. Namely scripting, for a Channel 4 sitcom, or similar. Sadly, you have to know your way into that industry, or wait to be "discovered," and who knows how long that'll take? Or if I'm even that good?
Not to mention that man situation. If I somehow got a boyfriend, that would at least give me SOMETHING to focus on and smile about these days, instead of trudging along with my no-fat soup, watching Corrie and wondering what the hell the point is. But I'm clearly doing something wrong. And I don't want to be so desperate that I "settle" for someone, just because they're the only one around who wants me. At the moment there are 4 men in my mind. There are also 4 problems to go with those men, which stops things from working out, or even going somewhere.
DAVID - Lives in Liverpool, doesn't want a relationship, or even more sex with me. Or if he DOES, he's being very coy about it, and doesn't even respond to my flirting. Head-fuck.
GARY - Even if he wanted to by now, wouldn't DARE start something - too scared of Zara's reaction. Which is a shame, as I really liked him.
LEE - Lovely, funny, exceptionally cute and smiley. Near my own age, and wouldn't mind him meeting the parents. Ideal candidate, except for the fact that - he only knows me in a work setting, he's never flirted, we've never been out, we've not seen each other since December (apart from last week), I probably don't even REGISTER to him, and there's the potential girlfriend he may or may not have. Not to mention he STILL hasn't been on Facebook and become my friend. I added him on Sunday, this is almost a WEEK. NO-ONE goes without Facebook for that long, it's not possible.
GAZ - FAIRLY sure he doesn't want a relationship - and he has a grey tooth. Plus, there's the criminal record, and too much smoking/drinking. Besides, he lives in a tiny CARAVAN on a WORKSITE. He uses a communal toilet with a SHUTTER for a door, and showers in the nearby hotel. I mean, come on! Am I just being snobby or does anyone else see the problem? Call me a traditionalist, but if I want to use the shower or loo after sex, I don't really want to shove all my clothes on and run across a carpark........
Grrrrrr..... this is so frustrating. And all around me, friends, accquaintance and just about EVERYONE are getting bright, fantastic jobs and wonderful boyfriends they're all happy with, while I'm sat in the shit-pile. I don't get it, have I done something WRONG?? Am I being PUNISHED for something? I went to school, got a good education, went to uni. I was a good kid, I never smoked, or drank in the park, took up drugs, got pregnant, or joined a gang. I've had jobs, I pay taxes, I've never willingly hurt anyone. What's the deal? Maybe I swear too much.
The universe had better throw me something good - and pretty fucking soon. I'm starting to lose faith.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: pissed off and upset
Current Music: "Jungle Boogie" - Kool and the Gang
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
Let's talk some more about........
Dear Diary,
Last night was incredibly frustrating. After a very long conversation with Alice about men, I was even more confused and head-fucked than I am in...... well, pretty much every day in my normal life. Together, or individually, Lisa, Alice and I have all wondered the exact same thing.
QUESTION OF THE DAY:
As a geralisation, men are the ones with incredibly high sex drives, who want it all the time, think about it every 6 seconds, and will stick their dick in anything that will have them (Apart from children and animals. Well, excluding certain fucked-up individuals). As another generalisaiton, women are the fairer sex - the "Not tonight dear, I have a headache" types, who don't want, or think about sex HALF as much as men do, and have to sometimes be persuaded into it. What we all want to know is WHEN THE HELL DID NATURE GET TURNED ON IT'S ARSE??! All 3 of us have noticed that, whilst in stable relationships (well, the others, anyway, I can only go off experience), the women are horny almost constantly and want sex ALL THE TIME, so why are the men - the testosterone producing, sperm carrying, penis owning MEN!!!! - when they have a constant form of more-than-happy sex on tap provided, so content to go without for longer periods of time? To turn down a hot session in favour of WORK, or TIREDNESS, or even....... TIDYING UP????!! What has HAPPENED to evolution??
As you can see from the frequent use of capitals and question/exclamation marks, this thought struck something of a chord. Had a big long chat about it, and then, since he was online, decided to ask David's opinion. You know, for research purposes only..... (*cough*)
KAT: Hey you
DAV: Hey yourself. Nice photo!
KAT: Awwww, thanks!
NB: I totally DIDN'T change my profile photo to a sexier one when I saw he was online. Not at all..... (*glances around shiftily*)
KAT: I would say the same to you, but I'd be thinking about a different photo....
DAV: Lol, perv
KAT: I know. Sue me.
NB: When on EARTH did I learn how to flirt??! Good lord, this is amazing, why the HELL have I never done this before??
DAV: So, what's up?
KAT: Have a question I've been discussing with friends, and need a male perspective
DAV: Go on......
KAT: (*repeats earlier question*)
DAV: Right, in laymans terms..... When a guy is with a woman, she is his. He can fuck her when he wants, and he decides when that is. If a woman starts telling him when to fuck her, he is losing power, so he doesn't want to. I would bet money if your mates started making the guys work for it more, they would want it more. He retains power by NOT fucking her when she tells him to.
KAT: So, basically it all boils down to "men need the power"? Good lord, I thought we'd moved on from the caveman days. Although that makes sense.
DAV: If she says he is not fucking her, he's gonna be all 'I SAY WHEN WE FUCK, SO GET NAKED BITCH!'
KAT: Yikes, that sounds like a potential rapist
DAV: Conciously, we HAVE moved on, if we think about sex and stuff, it's all clinical. But the basic instincts never go away. When we still lived in tribes the women were told when they were gonna get fucked, not asked. The underlying psychology of sex will always be more powerful than they theory of how it should be.
KAT: So, what you're saying is, we're supposed to just lie back and wait for the guy to decide when he wants to have a go - no matter how horny we feel and how long we have to wait? Jesus, that sucks.
DAV: Yeah, but if you're not putting it out there so often then they'll probably want it more
KAT: I see.......
DAV: Make him think he is taking it rather than being given it
Intrigueing! Well, that's certainly given me a lot to think about. Isn't there a book written about this?? If not, there bally well SHOULD be. This is INCREDIBLE! Here I was, thinking there was a perfectly rational explanation, and it turns out that men are basically still just stuck in the caveman days! Actually, I don't know why this shocks me so much. God, it's enough to turn anyone to lesbianism.
The conversation continued a little longer - me flirting my ARSE off and subtly attemtpting to find out when they're having any parties so I can go back and "visit" (ie: booty-call the SHIT out of him) but he just was NOT getting it. Either that, or he didn't want to. Hmpfh. Had a particular moment when he was bemoaning never getting laid, so I suggested (subtly!) he throw a house party and lay on the free booze. His reply?
D: "I'm not looking for a relationship or anything, but I know one thing - I don't want to have sex with a woman who only does it cos she's pissed. I want to wake up next to someone who WANTS to be there"
K: "Yeah, fair point"
TRANSLATION OF "FAIR POINT":
"BUT THAT'S ME!!! That's ME, DAVID!!! I want to be there!! In fact, I want to be there right now!! I would love nothing MORE than to wake up with you, I think about having sex with you about 18 times a day WHILST sober!!! Why do you think I chat to you on here so much??! Because I totally fancy the bloody arse off you!! And I'm not even looking for a relationship with you, I just want some more of that hot David-loving!! If you only KNEW that and gave me a call, I'd be on the National Express with a toothbrush in my handbag and 72 jonnies in my purse before you could say 'Fuck me till my eyes explode, you crazy sex-mad BITCH!!!'"
Yeah......... Guess what's been on my mind lately? (*cough*) Obviously though, I can't ever SAY that to him, as no-one ever wants to hear something like that. Not to mention, would ruin any shred of feminine mystique I've been pretending to have. Hmmmm. Grrr...... Where was I?
MISSION FOR THIS WEEK/MONTH/YEAR: Do NOT give it away. (*Fights urge to start singing the Chillies' "Give it away now"*) It would seem that men don't appreciate sex on tap after all - make them feel like they are TAKING it, no matter how much we may internally giggle at REALLY knowing the truth.
Must test this theory out, when next in a relationship. So I'll get back to you in 2012, then.
This is baffling, though. Cos take me for example, on nights out when I put it out there (*blushes shamefully*), I more often than not get a one-night stand. So, that kinda shoots David's theory to shit, as I'm being easy to catch. Although, alcohol probably sways judgement.
Mind you, I suppose all men are different. Look at David - that second time I went to his. I didn't think anything would happen cos he was absolutely knackered after work - and we ended up awake till 4am. (Will never forget the CLASSIC quote that followed: "I thought you were tired?" "I was...... but then I got horny!")
Whereas Cunt-Face (the dickhead formerly known as Aaron) would shoot out of bed in the mornings to make breakfast, and once turned down my wordless proposal (ie: standing nekkid behind him wearing nothing but raised eyebrows) because he had to do work. On a piece of coursework that wasn't due FOR THREE MONTHS. I mean, what the fuck??
Eeeeee, I dunno. Have to say, my theory is working very well on Gaz (from the pub? Remember?) Having refrained from going back home with him on 2 occasions now (well, once last week, and this week I was too ill to go out), he is texting me loads and even PHONED tonight. Not that I answered, being at work. Gosh, maybe the old treat-'em-mean-keep-'em-keen theory actually works. This is INCREDIBLE.
Not been up to much today. Flu seems to have gotten worse since yesterday, headaches raging (which had BETTER be due to flu, and not adorkable new glasses) and nose snuffling. Work was fairly dull and awful. Although got time off in February to visit Lisa in Oxford. Woo-hoo!
Still waiting on Lee. This is beyond a joke now..... He MUST be in Italy or something.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: baffled
Current Music: "Give it away" - The Chillies (well, I had to put it on)
Last night was incredibly frustrating. After a very long conversation with Alice about men, I was even more confused and head-fucked than I am in...... well, pretty much every day in my normal life. Together, or individually, Lisa, Alice and I have all wondered the exact same thing.
QUESTION OF THE DAY:
As a geralisation, men are the ones with incredibly high sex drives, who want it all the time, think about it every 6 seconds, and will stick their dick in anything that will have them (Apart from children and animals. Well, excluding certain fucked-up individuals). As another generalisaiton, women are the fairer sex - the "Not tonight dear, I have a headache" types, who don't want, or think about sex HALF as much as men do, and have to sometimes be persuaded into it. What we all want to know is WHEN THE HELL DID NATURE GET TURNED ON IT'S ARSE??! All 3 of us have noticed that, whilst in stable relationships (well, the others, anyway, I can only go off experience), the women are horny almost constantly and want sex ALL THE TIME, so why are the men - the testosterone producing, sperm carrying, penis owning MEN!!!! - when they have a constant form of more-than-happy sex on tap provided, so content to go without for longer periods of time? To turn down a hot session in favour of WORK, or TIREDNESS, or even....... TIDYING UP????!! What has HAPPENED to evolution??
As you can see from the frequent use of capitals and question/exclamation marks, this thought struck something of a chord. Had a big long chat about it, and then, since he was online, decided to ask David's opinion. You know, for research purposes only..... (*cough*)
KAT: Hey you
DAV: Hey yourself. Nice photo!
KAT: Awwww, thanks!
NB: I totally DIDN'T change my profile photo to a sexier one when I saw he was online. Not at all..... (*glances around shiftily*)
KAT: I would say the same to you, but I'd be thinking about a different photo....
DAV: Lol, perv
KAT: I know. Sue me.
NB: When on EARTH did I learn how to flirt??! Good lord, this is amazing, why the HELL have I never done this before??
DAV: So, what's up?
KAT: Have a question I've been discussing with friends, and need a male perspective
DAV: Go on......
KAT: (*repeats earlier question*)
DAV: Right, in laymans terms..... When a guy is with a woman, she is his. He can fuck her when he wants, and he decides when that is. If a woman starts telling him when to fuck her, he is losing power, so he doesn't want to. I would bet money if your mates started making the guys work for it more, they would want it more. He retains power by NOT fucking her when she tells him to.
KAT: So, basically it all boils down to "men need the power"? Good lord, I thought we'd moved on from the caveman days. Although that makes sense.
DAV: If she says he is not fucking her, he's gonna be all 'I SAY WHEN WE FUCK, SO GET NAKED BITCH!'
KAT: Yikes, that sounds like a potential rapist
DAV: Conciously, we HAVE moved on, if we think about sex and stuff, it's all clinical. But the basic instincts never go away. When we still lived in tribes the women were told when they were gonna get fucked, not asked. The underlying psychology of sex will always be more powerful than they theory of how it should be.
KAT: So, what you're saying is, we're supposed to just lie back and wait for the guy to decide when he wants to have a go - no matter how horny we feel and how long we have to wait? Jesus, that sucks.
DAV: Yeah, but if you're not putting it out there so often then they'll probably want it more
KAT: I see.......
DAV: Make him think he is taking it rather than being given it
Intrigueing! Well, that's certainly given me a lot to think about. Isn't there a book written about this?? If not, there bally well SHOULD be. This is INCREDIBLE! Here I was, thinking there was a perfectly rational explanation, and it turns out that men are basically still just stuck in the caveman days! Actually, I don't know why this shocks me so much. God, it's enough to turn anyone to lesbianism.
The conversation continued a little longer - me flirting my ARSE off and subtly attemtpting to find out when they're having any parties so I can go back and "visit" (ie: booty-call the SHIT out of him) but he just was NOT getting it. Either that, or he didn't want to. Hmpfh. Had a particular moment when he was bemoaning never getting laid, so I suggested (subtly!) he throw a house party and lay on the free booze. His reply?
D: "I'm not looking for a relationship or anything, but I know one thing - I don't want to have sex with a woman who only does it cos she's pissed. I want to wake up next to someone who WANTS to be there"
K: "Yeah, fair point"
TRANSLATION OF "FAIR POINT":
"BUT THAT'S ME!!! That's ME, DAVID!!! I want to be there!! In fact, I want to be there right now!! I would love nothing MORE than to wake up with you, I think about having sex with you about 18 times a day WHILST sober!!! Why do you think I chat to you on here so much??! Because I totally fancy the bloody arse off you!! And I'm not even looking for a relationship with you, I just want some more of that hot David-loving!! If you only KNEW that and gave me a call, I'd be on the National Express with a toothbrush in my handbag and 72 jonnies in my purse before you could say 'Fuck me till my eyes explode, you crazy sex-mad BITCH!!!'"
Yeah......... Guess what's been on my mind lately? (*cough*) Obviously though, I can't ever SAY that to him, as no-one ever wants to hear something like that. Not to mention, would ruin any shred of feminine mystique I've been pretending to have. Hmmmm. Grrr...... Where was I?
MISSION FOR THIS WEEK/MONTH/YEAR: Do NOT give it away. (*Fights urge to start singing the Chillies' "Give it away now"*) It would seem that men don't appreciate sex on tap after all - make them feel like they are TAKING it, no matter how much we may internally giggle at REALLY knowing the truth.
Must test this theory out, when next in a relationship. So I'll get back to you in 2012, then.
This is baffling, though. Cos take me for example, on nights out when I put it out there (*blushes shamefully*), I more often than not get a one-night stand. So, that kinda shoots David's theory to shit, as I'm being easy to catch. Although, alcohol probably sways judgement.
Mind you, I suppose all men are different. Look at David - that second time I went to his. I didn't think anything would happen cos he was absolutely knackered after work - and we ended up awake till 4am. (Will never forget the CLASSIC quote that followed: "I thought you were tired?" "I was...... but then I got horny!")
Whereas Cunt-Face (the dickhead formerly known as Aaron) would shoot out of bed in the mornings to make breakfast, and once turned down my wordless proposal (ie: standing nekkid behind him wearing nothing but raised eyebrows) because he had to do work. On a piece of coursework that wasn't due FOR THREE MONTHS. I mean, what the fuck??
Eeeeee, I dunno. Have to say, my theory is working very well on Gaz (from the pub? Remember?) Having refrained from going back home with him on 2 occasions now (well, once last week, and this week I was too ill to go out), he is texting me loads and even PHONED tonight. Not that I answered, being at work. Gosh, maybe the old treat-'em-mean-keep-'em-keen theory actually works. This is INCREDIBLE.
Not been up to much today. Flu seems to have gotten worse since yesterday, headaches raging (which had BETTER be due to flu, and not adorkable new glasses) and nose snuffling. Work was fairly dull and awful. Although got time off in February to visit Lisa in Oxford. Woo-hoo!
Still waiting on Lee. This is beyond a joke now..... He MUST be in Italy or something.
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Current Mood: baffled
Current Music: "Give it away" - The Chillies (well, I had to put it on)
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
I DID go to Spec-Savers!!
Dear Diary,
Lordy lordy. I'm so bored-y. Don't wanna be poorly, not any more-ly. Oh, look at that, I just made up an admittedly terrible poem. That's probably the most interesting thing that's happened all day.
Oh no, I tell a lie. I HAVE NEW GLASSES!!! Now, what's the big deal, you may find yourself asking? Well, these are my first new pair in 5 YEARS. That's right, I got my last ones a year before uni, which means I'm WAY overdue. Was initially terrified, as Mum seems to not know her own spendaholic daughter at all, and assumes I have quite a LOT of money saved up - therefore creating a problem if I couldn't afford them and had to explain why. (They were £110 - and that's with the frames ON SALE at £30. Bloody lenses) But luckily, I took those extra shifts last week, and had enough in the bank, meaning I strutted home with my funky, sexy, geek-chic SPECS on!! The more I look at them, the more lesbian they look, but hey, surely that's not a bad thing? Might even help me scrore on nights out to the Village! Hehe.
Dossed around the house, showing off my glasses and getting under Mum's feet (as it's her day off). She doesn't seem to understand why I'm not COMPLETELY better yet - despite the fact that I've only had this thing 3 DAMN DAYS. She even suggested I walk to the Opticians, insisting the fresh air will "make me feel better." I came home sweating like a break-dancing hippo, aching like a MOTHER and wheezing. So, that was fun.
Sacking off Belly Dancing (grrrr..... ) and Pub Quiz with Anne (yay!!) tonight. Whilst I will miss the class, I have no desire to cough my germs onto the wiggling women of the village. Or sit in a pub with The Addams Family, smiling fakely and gazing mournfully at her lovely, perfect boyfriend and wondering what is so wrong with me.
Lee has STILL not confirmed my Friend Request, or indeed, even been online (not that I've been checking every hour, or anything..... *cough*) So he IS one of those people who can just abandon it for days, even weeks on end. Hmmmm. This just goes to show that it would never work between us, we're clearly from two different worlds. Mind you, it's probably cos he's either got a life, or he's actually OUT looking for a job every single day (*blush*). I bet he's hopped on a train and gone for a lovely impromptu holiday down to Brighton with his girlfriend. Or they've just stayed in bed ALL week, eating ice-cream, having lots of amazing sex, and whispering things like "You don't need a job, as long we have each other, that's all we'll ever need" etc..... Oh god, maybe he's dead??! Great. The first man I've really liked in AGES in dead. Actually, he'd better not be dead. That would be TYPICAL.
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Current Mood: frustrated. No, not in THAT way. Have a few days to go before THAT fun time kicks in.
Current Music: "Oh my god" - Lily Allen
Lordy lordy. I'm so bored-y. Don't wanna be poorly, not any more-ly. Oh, look at that, I just made up an admittedly terrible poem. That's probably the most interesting thing that's happened all day.
Oh no, I tell a lie. I HAVE NEW GLASSES!!! Now, what's the big deal, you may find yourself asking? Well, these are my first new pair in 5 YEARS. That's right, I got my last ones a year before uni, which means I'm WAY overdue. Was initially terrified, as Mum seems to not know her own spendaholic daughter at all, and assumes I have quite a LOT of money saved up - therefore creating a problem if I couldn't afford them and had to explain why. (They were £110 - and that's with the frames ON SALE at £30. Bloody lenses) But luckily, I took those extra shifts last week, and had enough in the bank, meaning I strutted home with my funky, sexy, geek-chic SPECS on!! The more I look at them, the more lesbian they look, but hey, surely that's not a bad thing? Might even help me scrore on nights out to the Village! Hehe.
Dossed around the house, showing off my glasses and getting under Mum's feet (as it's her day off). She doesn't seem to understand why I'm not COMPLETELY better yet - despite the fact that I've only had this thing 3 DAMN DAYS. She even suggested I walk to the Opticians, insisting the fresh air will "make me feel better." I came home sweating like a break-dancing hippo, aching like a MOTHER and wheezing. So, that was fun.
Sacking off Belly Dancing (grrrr..... ) and Pub Quiz with Anne (yay!!) tonight. Whilst I will miss the class, I have no desire to cough my germs onto the wiggling women of the village. Or sit in a pub with The Addams Family, smiling fakely and gazing mournfully at her lovely, perfect boyfriend and wondering what is so wrong with me.
Lee has STILL not confirmed my Friend Request, or indeed, even been online (not that I've been checking every hour, or anything..... *cough*) So he IS one of those people who can just abandon it for days, even weeks on end. Hmmmm. This just goes to show that it would never work between us, we're clearly from two different worlds. Mind you, it's probably cos he's either got a life, or he's actually OUT looking for a job every single day (*blush*). I bet he's hopped on a train and gone for a lovely impromptu holiday down to Brighton with his girlfriend. Or they've just stayed in bed ALL week, eating ice-cream, having lots of amazing sex, and whispering things like "You don't need a job, as long we have each other, that's all we'll ever need" etc..... Oh god, maybe he's dead??! Great. The first man I've really liked in AGES in dead. Actually, he'd better not be dead. That would be TYPICAL.
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Current Mood: frustrated. No, not in THAT way. Have a few days to go before THAT fun time kicks in.
Current Music: "Oh my god" - Lily Allen
Monday, 26 January 2009
Ugggggh......
Dear Diary,
THINGS I DID TODAY:
Woke up at half 1
Had a shower
Watched 3 films ("The Beach," "Austin Powers," and "The Grudge 2" for those interested)
Ate shockingly little
Watched Corrie
Spent about 25 hours on the Internet
And do you know what's truly shameful? The fact that this is pretty much how my average day goes at the moment. Except now I have being ill as an excuse. I'm trying to decide if this is quite funny, or if I'm in fact a ridiculous parody of a human being.
Still waiting on a response to my Friend Request from Lee. Dammit, I bet he's one of those really annoying people who only goes on Facebook, like, every 5 days or something. Grrrr..... And what's even more annoying is that I've become the kinda person who has so little to focus on in her life, she has resorted to obsessing over such trivial things. God, I despair at myself, sometimes.
Didn't go to the pub with Marie tonight. After all, it's such a small local, chances are the whole VILLAGE would have had crazy flu by tomorrow if I DID go - and frankly, I don't want all those sick people on my conscience! Sent her a text apologising. Her reply? "OK then....." (*sad face*) Not "Awwww, get well soon!" or "Hope you feel better" or anything like that. Oh, OK, well, next time I won't be so selfish, I'll try my damnest NOT to get a common virus that's currently going round..... oh, I don't know..... EVERYWHERE!!! Jesus.
Oh my god. Just finished watching recent new episode of "The L Word." Jenny and Shane just KISSED.
JENNY.
AND SHANE.
KISSED.
My eyes!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is so fucking wrong, it should be illegal. Never EVER should this event have taken place. The world is forever tainted and ruined.
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Current Mood: hot and bothered
Current Music: "I am the Walrus" - The Beatles
THINGS I DID TODAY:
Woke up at half 1
Had a shower
Watched 3 films ("The Beach," "Austin Powers," and "The Grudge 2" for those interested)
Ate shockingly little
Watched Corrie
Spent about 25 hours on the Internet
And do you know what's truly shameful? The fact that this is pretty much how my average day goes at the moment. Except now I have being ill as an excuse. I'm trying to decide if this is quite funny, or if I'm in fact a ridiculous parody of a human being.
Still waiting on a response to my Friend Request from Lee. Dammit, I bet he's one of those really annoying people who only goes on Facebook, like, every 5 days or something. Grrrr..... And what's even more annoying is that I've become the kinda person who has so little to focus on in her life, she has resorted to obsessing over such trivial things. God, I despair at myself, sometimes.
Didn't go to the pub with Marie tonight. After all, it's such a small local, chances are the whole VILLAGE would have had crazy flu by tomorrow if I DID go - and frankly, I don't want all those sick people on my conscience! Sent her a text apologising. Her reply? "OK then....." (*sad face*) Not "Awwww, get well soon!" or "Hope you feel better" or anything like that. Oh, OK, well, next time I won't be so selfish, I'll try my damnest NOT to get a common virus that's currently going round..... oh, I don't know..... EVERYWHERE!!! Jesus.
Oh my god. Just finished watching recent new episode of "The L Word." Jenny and Shane just KISSED.
JENNY.
AND SHANE.
KISSED.
My eyes!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is so fucking wrong, it should be illegal. Never EVER should this event have taken place. The world is forever tainted and ruined.
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Current Mood: hot and bothered
Current Music: "I am the Walrus" - The Beatles
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Warblings of a Plague victim
Dear Diary,
My god. I feel rough as a bear's arse. Its currently 2 in the morning and I can't get to sleep whatsoever. Fucking Bird Flu (Yes I know it's not REALLY that, but damn, it feels just as serious.....). Did absolutely nothing all day, apart from reminisce about last night - the meeting Lee part that is, not the indie club. The indie club was balls.
Mum woke me up, clearly expecting me to be ready for the walk, but found me shaking and gasping, twisted inside a big sweaty duvet rope. Needless to say, I didn't go after all, but hung around downstairs, freaking Dad out and watching the races. Oh, and I tweaked a few things in my Facebook page (so as to look slightly cooler than I actually am), removed all the hideous photos of me with 16 chins and an 8-month pregnancy, etc.... before finally ADDING LEE AS A FRIEND!! He is no longer my boss! He is a friend!! We are two early-20's kids who are gonna be mates, and there's nothing ANYONE can do about it!
Ahem, anyway. I managed a little tiny bit of tea, despite not being hungry WHATSOEVER. Mum was out the door by 6 to go to the Strictly Come Dancing show I got tickets for, as her Christmas present. She looks fantastic at the moment, she's lost so much weight...... She later said she had an AMAZING time, and thanked me loads for the tickets. Awwww. Anyway. I went back to bed and drifted into a lovely sleep. Dad woke me up later - I'd missed "Lost" but he'd taped it for me, God love him. Dossed around on the Internet for ages before going back down once everyone was asleep and watching the recording. That show never fails to amaze me. And baffle the hell outta me, but hey, what's life without a time travelling island?
So now, typically, I can't get to sleep. And I can't stop thinking about last night, and all the things I SHOULD'VE said to Lee. Like maybe, how nice he looked. Or how we never got our January pub crawl party after all (hint hint). Hmmm. I'm still attempting to get over the fact that we actually bumped into each other. This is a pretty damn big city - what on earth were the odds of that?! And here I was thinking I'd never see him again....... I love the universe sometimes.
Still waiting on a reply to my friend request. Maybe he didn't mean it? Was "add me" just one of those friendly things people say now, instead of "Bye!"? Nah, surely not - we had a lovely polite conversation and a lovely polite goodbye, surely if he didn't WANT to see me again, he wouldn't have said it, right? He could've gotten away with it, the thought wouldn't have even crossed my mind. And should I talk to him first? Or would that not look cool? How many days should I leave it? Oh great, Facebook rules of dating. Now I know I'm obsessing.
(PS: I use the word "dating" since his profile states that he's single. What's up with that? Surely if he DID have a girlfriend, she'd be miffed about that? Hmmmm......)
PPS: Weighed myself, since it's the end of this week (even if I didn't TECHNICALLY stick to the rules the last two days). You won't believe it. I've lost 8 pounds. IN A WEEK. This is INCREDIBLE!!! Why the HELL has this diet not been published??! Parents very proud of me, even though I don't look or feel ANY different..... But still, HALF A STONE!! Plus, next week, after my period's finished and my flu is (presumably) over, surely I'll have lost more?? Ah, illness, a girl's best friend.......
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Current Mood: aching
Current Music: whirring laptop
My god. I feel rough as a bear's arse. Its currently 2 in the morning and I can't get to sleep whatsoever. Fucking Bird Flu (Yes I know it's not REALLY that, but damn, it feels just as serious.....). Did absolutely nothing all day, apart from reminisce about last night - the meeting Lee part that is, not the indie club. The indie club was balls.
Mum woke me up, clearly expecting me to be ready for the walk, but found me shaking and gasping, twisted inside a big sweaty duvet rope. Needless to say, I didn't go after all, but hung around downstairs, freaking Dad out and watching the races. Oh, and I tweaked a few things in my Facebook page (so as to look slightly cooler than I actually am), removed all the hideous photos of me with 16 chins and an 8-month pregnancy, etc.... before finally ADDING LEE AS A FRIEND!! He is no longer my boss! He is a friend!! We are two early-20's kids who are gonna be mates, and there's nothing ANYONE can do about it!
Ahem, anyway. I managed a little tiny bit of tea, despite not being hungry WHATSOEVER. Mum was out the door by 6 to go to the Strictly Come Dancing show I got tickets for, as her Christmas present. She looks fantastic at the moment, she's lost so much weight...... She later said she had an AMAZING time, and thanked me loads for the tickets. Awwww. Anyway. I went back to bed and drifted into a lovely sleep. Dad woke me up later - I'd missed "Lost" but he'd taped it for me, God love him. Dossed around on the Internet for ages before going back down once everyone was asleep and watching the recording. That show never fails to amaze me. And baffle the hell outta me, but hey, what's life without a time travelling island?
So now, typically, I can't get to sleep. And I can't stop thinking about last night, and all the things I SHOULD'VE said to Lee. Like maybe, how nice he looked. Or how we never got our January pub crawl party after all (hint hint). Hmmm. I'm still attempting to get over the fact that we actually bumped into each other. This is a pretty damn big city - what on earth were the odds of that?! And here I was thinking I'd never see him again....... I love the universe sometimes.
Still waiting on a reply to my friend request. Maybe he didn't mean it? Was "add me" just one of those friendly things people say now, instead of "Bye!"? Nah, surely not - we had a lovely polite conversation and a lovely polite goodbye, surely if he didn't WANT to see me again, he wouldn't have said it, right? He could've gotten away with it, the thought wouldn't have even crossed my mind. And should I talk to him first? Or would that not look cool? How many days should I leave it? Oh great, Facebook rules of dating. Now I know I'm obsessing.
(PS: I use the word "dating" since his profile states that he's single. What's up with that? Surely if he DID have a girlfriend, she'd be miffed about that? Hmmmm......)
PPS: Weighed myself, since it's the end of this week (even if I didn't TECHNICALLY stick to the rules the last two days). You won't believe it. I've lost 8 pounds. IN A WEEK. This is INCREDIBLE!!! Why the HELL has this diet not been published??! Parents very proud of me, even though I don't look or feel ANY different..... But still, HALF A STONE!! Plus, next week, after my period's finished and my flu is (presumably) over, surely I'll have lost more?? Ah, illness, a girl's best friend.......
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Current Mood: aching
Current Music: whirring laptop
Blehhhh.......
Dear Diary,
You join me today right in the middle of a big nasty mess of Bird Flu. Or if not that, at least something shockingly similar. That's right, after a week of Dad being ill and taking every measure - from disinfecting everything he touched to not being in the same room as us - not to pass it on, I seem to have it anyway.
I'll start at the beginning.
Yesterday was Day 6 - although by now I really couldn't be arsed with the diet anymore. Still stuck with it, only the arrival of "Aunt Irma" made everything seem about twenty times worse, which led to me eating about 5 crispbreads smothered in herby cheese. Good times. Went for a little morning shopping with Auntie and had a wicked big catch-up. Got a text from Melanie, who was in town on a night out, asking if I wanted to come out. Didn't really feel like it at all - but it'd been almost a year since I'd seen her, so decided to go. I'm extremely glad I did, not just because it was awesome to see the old gang again, but - rather unbelievably - because I bumped into a certain someone outside BaaBaa's. Guess who it was?
Lee.
Seriously! It was so weird, I was hanging around outside the bar, waiting for Melanie to text and tell me where she was (I HATE walking into bars on my own). I borrowed a cigarette off someone, mainly to look like I was there for a reason, and not a total billy no-mates standing around, when I saw Lee stood on the corner. Well, I saw his buzz-cut and jacket. You know the really freaky thing? He had his back to me and I STILL RECOGNISED HIM. How much of a stalker am I?? Jesus. Anyway, whilst fruitlessly trying to ring the girls (who STILL weren't answering) I casually walked over, to see if it was indeed him. He was staring at someone lying in the road, surrounded by paramedics - then he asked if they needed a First-Aider and I knew it was him. My heart literally skipped a little beat - I'm ridiculous, I know. He turned around, looked at me for a split second but didn't seem to recognize me, as he started walking off. But because I'm a complete pillock and a crazy fool, I decided not to let him get away that easily:
K: "Lee?"
L: (*turning round*) "Oh, hi Kat! Y'alright?"
K: "Ah, not so bad. Except I can't find my friends. (*without thinking*) How bout you, I've not seen you in ages!"
L: "Erm..... haven't you heard? I got sacked."
K: (*about to say "I know" but scared of admitting to Facebook-stalking*) What?! Seriously? Are you joking?"
L: "No."
K: "No way! Awww, that sucks. Actually, I had an inkling something had happened - I got a call about a month ago and this woman just started questioning me about it."
L: "Oh yeah, they did that to everyone."
K: "It was pretty scary to be honest!"
L: (*laughing*) "I know. Can I borrow a lighter?"
K: "Oh, I don't have one....."
L: "Can I just use that, then?"
K: "Sure. (*Lee lights cigarette with mine*)
L: "But don't worry, it was nothing to do with what happened with your dad."
K: "Oh, thank good..... wait, how did you know......?"
L: "I read your statement."
K: "Oh!"
L: "Yeah, apparently you just kept saying all the way through the interview how you didn't want me to get in trouble cos of your dad coming in....."
K: "Oh wow, I am so embarrassed....... Well, I heard that that made it all official, so I just thought....."
L: "No, no, that had nothing to do with it in the end."
K: "Ok, good. So you've actually, completely gone then? God, that's so unfair. I mean, you were a wicked manager!"
L: "Yeah, well it was that night, wasn't it? I shouldn't have let it happen, really."
K: "Nah, it was fantastic! I mean, it was a really sweet thing to do. Although I suppose looking at the mess we left, and the broken DJ decks....."
L: "No, it wasn't that, it was just the fact that we stayed on the premesis WAY longer than we should've done."
K: "Yeah..... It's still unfair though, I was talking to one of the other managers and he said there's no way you'd get fired because you were such a good manager. The bastards!"
L: "Yeah, well."
K: "So, what you up to at the moment, then?"
L: "Well, I'm one of the many unemployed now, just looking for jobs everywhere....."
K: "Yeah....."
LEE'S MATE: "Lee!"
L: "I'll be there in a minute, mate!"
K: "You going in BaaBaa's, then?"
L: "No, we started off there but we're heading to the Northern Quarter."
K: "Cool!"
LEE'S MATE: (*halfway down the street*) "LEE!!!"
L: "I'll catch you up!"
K: "Aw look, you go, I don't want your mates to get pissed off at you!"
L: "Nah, it's fine......"
LEE'S MATES: "LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
L: "I'LL CATCH YOU UP!!!!!"
K: "OK, seriously, go! Go on, I don't want you getting in trouble on my account!"
L: "OK, well have a good night!"
K: "Yeah you too, and I..... guess I'll see you around?"
L: "Yeah."
K: "Oh, and good luck!"
L: "Cheers!" (*starting to walk away, then turning back*) "Oh, add me on Facebook, I'll chat to you!"
K: (*trying not to leap up and down*) "OK, see you!" (*walk away beaming all over face and emitting excited squeaking noises*)
How fantastic is that??! Not only by some miracle of God did we end up on the same street, on the same night, but he wanted to CHAT to me AND gave me permission to Facebook-stalk the SHIT out of him! And he was smiling ALL the way through the conversation! Sweeeeeeeet...... This is possibly the most exciting thing to ever happen to anyone EVER. Haven't added him yet, as need to do a radical make-over on my own page (ie: remove all hideous photos and completely de-geek the whole thing). Obviously I'm pissed off that I didn't go out wearing the "Boob monster" dress for him to see me in - in fact I was dressed completely down. But I had a cool Emo scarf on, my "Make cookies not war" t-shirt (which makes my boobs look MASSIVE) and thankfully, most of my lipgloss. Phew. Plus, I suppose the good thing about my outfit was that, due to me being not remotely dressed up, I looked either completely indie or completely lesbian. Which was handy since we only went to a gay bar and an indie bar.
Eventually found the girls, who it was AMAZING to see again. Kinda broke the rules of my diet by drinking, but I only had 3 bottles and 3 shots all night, which I think showed incredible restraint! We ended up going to Brickhouse, your average indie club that has obscure B-movie posters on the walls, plays about 500 songs I don't know to every 3 that I do, abuses the SHIT out of the smoke machine and is constantly freezing cold. Got hit on by a cute indie lad, who spent about half an hour chatting me up and trying to make me dance, before walking off and hitting on about 6 different women. Fuck-head. Well, I'm sorry, but my rules are: I don't dance to songs I don't know, I don't dance when I'm in an exposed space (ie: no-one on the dance floor but a scary Russian dancing on his own) and I certainly don't dance when experiencing cramps that could topple a rhino.
Anyway. Stayed till about half one before hailing a taxi, as I was supposed to be going on a big walk with Mum and Auntie today. Had the most alarming night though. It was SO strange, I got into bed, and I just could NOT get warm. So I started scrunching my body up into a ball, terrified to stretch out in case I got cold. Then I started shaking violently, hallucinating - seeing all kind of images from "Lost" (damn that DVD) and muttering to myself. I swear, it was uncontrollable. I kept automatically saying things like; "It's so cold," "I can't handle this," etc..... before holding myself, telling myself to calm down, shushing myself and saying "You're gonna be OK." And then whimpering and calling for Mum. It was so fucking freaky. I had it in my head that turning over would be extrordinarily dangerous, even though my head was jammed in the pillow and I couldn't sleep. I kept panting as well. It was shit-scary. Didn't get to sleep till about 7am.
Needless to say, when Mum woke me up I was a big sticky ball of sweat, pain and fear - so decided not to go on the walk. Dad keeps taking the piss and hiding every time I sneeze, although he did get me some Heinz tomato soup from Tesco, which I believe cures EVERYTHING. Today's supposed to be Day 7 (brown rice and soup) - but fuck that shit. I've sacked it off for today - special allowances and all.......
Shit. I'd better not have what Dad had. He was bedridden almost all week - and I really could do WITHOUT losing my 3 shifts at the pub. Although he lost about 8 pounds in a week through being too ill to eat. Every cloud......!
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Current Mood: boiling, snuffly and aching
Current Music: "Cars" - Gary Numan
You join me today right in the middle of a big nasty mess of Bird Flu. Or if not that, at least something shockingly similar. That's right, after a week of Dad being ill and taking every measure - from disinfecting everything he touched to not being in the same room as us - not to pass it on, I seem to have it anyway.
I'll start at the beginning.
Yesterday was Day 6 - although by now I really couldn't be arsed with the diet anymore. Still stuck with it, only the arrival of "Aunt Irma" made everything seem about twenty times worse, which led to me eating about 5 crispbreads smothered in herby cheese. Good times. Went for a little morning shopping with Auntie and had a wicked big catch-up. Got a text from Melanie, who was in town on a night out, asking if I wanted to come out. Didn't really feel like it at all - but it'd been almost a year since I'd seen her, so decided to go. I'm extremely glad I did, not just because it was awesome to see the old gang again, but - rather unbelievably - because I bumped into a certain someone outside BaaBaa's. Guess who it was?
Lee.
Seriously! It was so weird, I was hanging around outside the bar, waiting for Melanie to text and tell me where she was (I HATE walking into bars on my own). I borrowed a cigarette off someone, mainly to look like I was there for a reason, and not a total billy no-mates standing around, when I saw Lee stood on the corner. Well, I saw his buzz-cut and jacket. You know the really freaky thing? He had his back to me and I STILL RECOGNISED HIM. How much of a stalker am I?? Jesus. Anyway, whilst fruitlessly trying to ring the girls (who STILL weren't answering) I casually walked over, to see if it was indeed him. He was staring at someone lying in the road, surrounded by paramedics - then he asked if they needed a First-Aider and I knew it was him. My heart literally skipped a little beat - I'm ridiculous, I know. He turned around, looked at me for a split second but didn't seem to recognize me, as he started walking off. But because I'm a complete pillock and a crazy fool, I decided not to let him get away that easily:
K: "Lee?"
L: (*turning round*) "Oh, hi Kat! Y'alright?"
K: "Ah, not so bad. Except I can't find my friends. (*without thinking*) How bout you, I've not seen you in ages!"
L: "Erm..... haven't you heard? I got sacked."
K: (*about to say "I know" but scared of admitting to Facebook-stalking*) What?! Seriously? Are you joking?"
L: "No."
K: "No way! Awww, that sucks. Actually, I had an inkling something had happened - I got a call about a month ago and this woman just started questioning me about it."
L: "Oh yeah, they did that to everyone."
K: "It was pretty scary to be honest!"
L: (*laughing*) "I know. Can I borrow a lighter?"
K: "Oh, I don't have one....."
L: "Can I just use that, then?"
K: "Sure. (*Lee lights cigarette with mine*)
L: "But don't worry, it was nothing to do with what happened with your dad."
K: "Oh, thank good..... wait, how did you know......?"
L: "I read your statement."
K: "Oh!"
L: "Yeah, apparently you just kept saying all the way through the interview how you didn't want me to get in trouble cos of your dad coming in....."
K: "Oh wow, I am so embarrassed....... Well, I heard that that made it all official, so I just thought....."
L: "No, no, that had nothing to do with it in the end."
K: "Ok, good. So you've actually, completely gone then? God, that's so unfair. I mean, you were a wicked manager!"
L: "Yeah, well it was that night, wasn't it? I shouldn't have let it happen, really."
K: "Nah, it was fantastic! I mean, it was a really sweet thing to do. Although I suppose looking at the mess we left, and the broken DJ decks....."
L: "No, it wasn't that, it was just the fact that we stayed on the premesis WAY longer than we should've done."
K: "Yeah..... It's still unfair though, I was talking to one of the other managers and he said there's no way you'd get fired because you were such a good manager. The bastards!"
L: "Yeah, well."
K: "So, what you up to at the moment, then?"
L: "Well, I'm one of the many unemployed now, just looking for jobs everywhere....."
K: "Yeah....."
LEE'S MATE: "Lee!"
L: "I'll be there in a minute, mate!"
K: "You going in BaaBaa's, then?"
L: "No, we started off there but we're heading to the Northern Quarter."
K: "Cool!"
LEE'S MATE: (*halfway down the street*) "LEE!!!"
L: "I'll catch you up!"
K: "Aw look, you go, I don't want your mates to get pissed off at you!"
L: "Nah, it's fine......"
LEE'S MATES: "LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
L: "I'LL CATCH YOU UP!!!!!"
K: "OK, seriously, go! Go on, I don't want you getting in trouble on my account!"
L: "OK, well have a good night!"
K: "Yeah you too, and I..... guess I'll see you around?"
L: "Yeah."
K: "Oh, and good luck!"
L: "Cheers!" (*starting to walk away, then turning back*) "Oh, add me on Facebook, I'll chat to you!"
K: (*trying not to leap up and down*) "OK, see you!" (*walk away beaming all over face and emitting excited squeaking noises*)
How fantastic is that??! Not only by some miracle of God did we end up on the same street, on the same night, but he wanted to CHAT to me AND gave me permission to Facebook-stalk the SHIT out of him! And he was smiling ALL the way through the conversation! Sweeeeeeeet...... This is possibly the most exciting thing to ever happen to anyone EVER. Haven't added him yet, as need to do a radical make-over on my own page (ie: remove all hideous photos and completely de-geek the whole thing). Obviously I'm pissed off that I didn't go out wearing the "Boob monster" dress for him to see me in - in fact I was dressed completely down. But I had a cool Emo scarf on, my "Make cookies not war" t-shirt (which makes my boobs look MASSIVE) and thankfully, most of my lipgloss. Phew. Plus, I suppose the good thing about my outfit was that, due to me being not remotely dressed up, I looked either completely indie or completely lesbian. Which was handy since we only went to a gay bar and an indie bar.
Eventually found the girls, who it was AMAZING to see again. Kinda broke the rules of my diet by drinking, but I only had 3 bottles and 3 shots all night, which I think showed incredible restraint! We ended up going to Brickhouse, your average indie club that has obscure B-movie posters on the walls, plays about 500 songs I don't know to every 3 that I do, abuses the SHIT out of the smoke machine and is constantly freezing cold. Got hit on by a cute indie lad, who spent about half an hour chatting me up and trying to make me dance, before walking off and hitting on about 6 different women. Fuck-head. Well, I'm sorry, but my rules are: I don't dance to songs I don't know, I don't dance when I'm in an exposed space (ie: no-one on the dance floor but a scary Russian dancing on his own) and I certainly don't dance when experiencing cramps that could topple a rhino.
Anyway. Stayed till about half one before hailing a taxi, as I was supposed to be going on a big walk with Mum and Auntie today. Had the most alarming night though. It was SO strange, I got into bed, and I just could NOT get warm. So I started scrunching my body up into a ball, terrified to stretch out in case I got cold. Then I started shaking violently, hallucinating - seeing all kind of images from "Lost" (damn that DVD) and muttering to myself. I swear, it was uncontrollable. I kept automatically saying things like; "It's so cold," "I can't handle this," etc..... before holding myself, telling myself to calm down, shushing myself and saying "You're gonna be OK." And then whimpering and calling for Mum. It was so fucking freaky. I had it in my head that turning over would be extrordinarily dangerous, even though my head was jammed in the pillow and I couldn't sleep. I kept panting as well. It was shit-scary. Didn't get to sleep till about 7am.
Needless to say, when Mum woke me up I was a big sticky ball of sweat, pain and fear - so decided not to go on the walk. Dad keeps taking the piss and hiding every time I sneeze, although he did get me some Heinz tomato soup from Tesco, which I believe cures EVERYTHING. Today's supposed to be Day 7 (brown rice and soup) - but fuck that shit. I've sacked it off for today - special allowances and all.......
Shit. I'd better not have what Dad had. He was bedridden almost all week - and I really could do WITHOUT losing my 3 shifts at the pub. Although he lost about 8 pounds in a week through being too ill to eat. Every cloud......!
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Current Mood: boiling, snuffly and aching
Current Music: "Cars" - Gary Numan
Friday, 23 January 2009
Someone's getting killed
Dear Diary,
In case you can't tell, today's not been that brilliant. Well, it was to begin with. Day 5 has been quite cool - due to the introduction of BEEF. Good old tough, gorgeous, sexy British BEEF. I forgot how much I absolutely bloody LOVE my meat (*Pauses to physically restrain self from making crass joke*). I was allowed 10-20 ounces today- so grilled one steak, choppped it into bits and put it in a salad for lunch. Natural beef juices + a TEENY bowl of homemade special sauce made it the finest damn thing I've eaten this week. I was literally just stood over the grill, inhaling and making semi-orgasmic noises - before sitting and scranning down in front of an electric "Lost" finale. Sweet times.
Tea wasn't so good. Had another steak but this time had to have a can of tomatoes with it, which were pretty damned disgusting. Still, managed to have 7 glasses to water to "wash out the uric acid." Oooh, and I've weighed myself again - I've lost another 2 pounds!! This is fucking SWEET!! Nearly half a STONE in 5 days! This is amazing. Although my BMI and Body Fat's gone up, inexplicably. Goddamn bananas. I blame those bendy knob-heads.
Had work at the pub again. The arrival of an old friend inspired this entry's title, not to mention fuck-loads of relief, seeing as I was almost a week late. Well, I always assume the worst, and you never can tell exactly what happens with a condom in the dark, eh? So that's good news. Although was in a very bad mood, griping and sniping at everyone. You know those days when just EVERYONE pisses you off?
Main causes: Everyone looking at my "Mothership" t-shirt and telling me I'm "too young" to remember Led Zeppelin. Oh what, so just because I wasn't alive in their heyday, that means I can't know or like them? I wasn't even a twinkle in my Grandma's EYE when Ray Charles was around, does that mean I can't enjoy a good sing-a-long to "I got a woman"? I must've missed THAT rule!
Pat's STILL blanking me......
Little Dickhead was in. Got on fairly well, after a little banter about my t-shirt. Until the end of the night, when the lights are out, the cheeky fags are lit up and only a few remain. We're talking about weight loss, I recommend my current diet, etc..... So then guess what his mate pipes up and tells me? He deliberately put on weight, because he thought then he'd have MORE OF A CHANCE WITH ME. That fucking cheeky cunt!! Naturally, I just stood there gawping for a few minutes, while he berated his mate for telling me. Apparently, he thought that because I was a "bigger" girl, he'd have a better shot if he "caught me up." I literally didn't know what to say. For a few minutes anyway, before going all Bette Porter on his arse. Seriously, the following conversation may not look remotely realistic, but I was so angry, I came over all articulate and fierce.
ME: "I can't believe you said that. So - according to you - my weight is the SOLE definer of who I am and what kind of person I'm attracted to? You know NOTHING about me or the kind of men I like, you just think that because I'm a big girl, I'll just automatically go for a big guy? Because that's naturally the first place I'd go to? What, because that's really the only option I'll have?"
HIM: "Wait, hang on..... I never said that....."
ME: "Yes you did. And I can't believe you think I'm the kind of person who looks at other people's WEIGHT above anything else. Frankly, I've never felt so insulted in my whole life."
(*Dead Silence*)
ME: "I'm ringing my taxi."
That fucking cock-ass. I wanted to fucking murder him, rip his balls off and shove them in his ears. He didn't say anything more after that. I practically stomped holes in the ground as I walked out the door.
2 hours later, I'm still fuming. How DARE someone presume they know how I feel and look at people? Honestly, I was desperate to say; "I don't go for size, I go for people I get on with, with a fantastic personality. Which is why YOU were doomed from the start." But I thought that might be slightly hurtful. Although looking back on how hurt I felt, I wish I HAD said it now.
Ah well. Going shopping with Auntie tomorrow which should be fun. Although God only knows how I'm going to clear the stopping-for-lunch hurdle. What on earth can I do? Maybe I should order a salad or vegetable soup. Yeah right, IN THE FOOD COURT??! Flask of soup in the handbag it is, then.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: grumpy
Current Music: "Light my fire" - Will Young
In case you can't tell, today's not been that brilliant. Well, it was to begin with. Day 5 has been quite cool - due to the introduction of BEEF. Good old tough, gorgeous, sexy British BEEF. I forgot how much I absolutely bloody LOVE my meat (*Pauses to physically restrain self from making crass joke*). I was allowed 10-20 ounces today- so grilled one steak, choppped it into bits and put it in a salad for lunch. Natural beef juices + a TEENY bowl of homemade special sauce made it the finest damn thing I've eaten this week. I was literally just stood over the grill, inhaling and making semi-orgasmic noises - before sitting and scranning down in front of an electric "Lost" finale. Sweet times.
Tea wasn't so good. Had another steak but this time had to have a can of tomatoes with it, which were pretty damned disgusting. Still, managed to have 7 glasses to water to "wash out the uric acid." Oooh, and I've weighed myself again - I've lost another 2 pounds!! This is fucking SWEET!! Nearly half a STONE in 5 days! This is amazing. Although my BMI and Body Fat's gone up, inexplicably. Goddamn bananas. I blame those bendy knob-heads.
Had work at the pub again. The arrival of an old friend inspired this entry's title, not to mention fuck-loads of relief, seeing as I was almost a week late. Well, I always assume the worst, and you never can tell exactly what happens with a condom in the dark, eh? So that's good news. Although was in a very bad mood, griping and sniping at everyone. You know those days when just EVERYONE pisses you off?
Main causes: Everyone looking at my "Mothership" t-shirt and telling me I'm "too young" to remember Led Zeppelin. Oh what, so just because I wasn't alive in their heyday, that means I can't know or like them? I wasn't even a twinkle in my Grandma's EYE when Ray Charles was around, does that mean I can't enjoy a good sing-a-long to "I got a woman"? I must've missed THAT rule!
Pat's STILL blanking me......
Little Dickhead was in. Got on fairly well, after a little banter about my t-shirt. Until the end of the night, when the lights are out, the cheeky fags are lit up and only a few remain. We're talking about weight loss, I recommend my current diet, etc..... So then guess what his mate pipes up and tells me? He deliberately put on weight, because he thought then he'd have MORE OF A CHANCE WITH ME. That fucking cheeky cunt!! Naturally, I just stood there gawping for a few minutes, while he berated his mate for telling me. Apparently, he thought that because I was a "bigger" girl, he'd have a better shot if he "caught me up." I literally didn't know what to say. For a few minutes anyway, before going all Bette Porter on his arse. Seriously, the following conversation may not look remotely realistic, but I was so angry, I came over all articulate and fierce.
ME: "I can't believe you said that. So - according to you - my weight is the SOLE definer of who I am and what kind of person I'm attracted to? You know NOTHING about me or the kind of men I like, you just think that because I'm a big girl, I'll just automatically go for a big guy? Because that's naturally the first place I'd go to? What, because that's really the only option I'll have?"
HIM: "Wait, hang on..... I never said that....."
ME: "Yes you did. And I can't believe you think I'm the kind of person who looks at other people's WEIGHT above anything else. Frankly, I've never felt so insulted in my whole life."
(*Dead Silence*)
ME: "I'm ringing my taxi."
That fucking cock-ass. I wanted to fucking murder him, rip his balls off and shove them in his ears. He didn't say anything more after that. I practically stomped holes in the ground as I walked out the door.
2 hours later, I'm still fuming. How DARE someone presume they know how I feel and look at people? Honestly, I was desperate to say; "I don't go for size, I go for people I get on with, with a fantastic personality. Which is why YOU were doomed from the start." But I thought that might be slightly hurtful. Although looking back on how hurt I felt, I wish I HAD said it now.
Ah well. Going shopping with Auntie tomorrow which should be fun. Although God only knows how I'm going to clear the stopping-for-lunch hurdle. What on earth can I do? Maybe I should order a salad or vegetable soup. Yeah right, IN THE FOOD COURT??! Flask of soup in the handbag it is, then.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: grumpy
Current Music: "Light my fire" - Will Young
Let's talk about.......
Dear Diary,
So, after a few weeks, months, etc... of extensive research into erotic literature (ie: short story books from Ann Summers and the like), I had a sudden thought last night - why are these things never realistically written? I mean, OK, I suppose you have to have a fair bit of artistic lisence, and you can't REALLY write how normal people speak - as sometimes it's not that sexy. But seriously! All I can think when I'm reading these things is "What the hell?! That would NEVER happen! No-one would EVER say that in real life!" and truthfully, it distracts me, and I can't...... focus, for want of a better word.
So here - for maybe the first time in history - is a compiled list of erotic novella translations, taken either directly from real life, or from a range of varied guesses as to what any normal person would say:
LUST IN TRANSLATION - A real life take on those picture perfect written images
Quote: "Within an instant, he'd ripped my underwear from my body...."
Real Life: "What the fuck are you doing? I paid £25 for them!"
"He pushed me back onto the bed, covering my body with his...."
"Ow, SHIT!! You're leaning on my hair!!"
"I gently inserted the tip of my finger into his anus. At once, his features changed, his breath coming shallow. I could tell he loved what I was doing...."
"He stopped immediately and shouted 'JESUS! Don't do THAT!!"
"He stopped and stared at me. 'You're so beautiful,' he muttered, 'so sexy and exotic - like a wild flower.....'"
"What the fuck are you talking about? Are you drunk? Get the lights out and DON'T look at my bum."
"'You're going to ask me to leave aren't you?' 'I muttered. On the contrary,' she said, 'I now have an even bigger incentive to make you stay....'"
"Damn right I'm going to ask you to leave! How DARE you use my vibrator?!"
"'Let's give them something to watch,' I whispered."
"Shit! There's someone looking! Back in the car, BACK in the car......!!!'"
"'Please,' I begged, 'I need you inside me.' 'Ah,' he replied, smiling, 'Madam requires the gold-standard treatment.....'"
"'Ummmmm......ok, that's not REALLY the kind of thing we do here. Please put your clothes back on and leave, Madam."
"'Look,' I said, 'I don't make a habit of approaching strangers. But it's like this, I've got to have you - now."
He swallowed nervously. "Um, thank you, but...... are you crazy?? We're on a public train!"
"'You have exceptionally beautiful breasts,' she said."
I backed away and asked what the hell she thought she was doing, before calling the manager to report sexual harrassment.
"After a couple of drinks all three of us stayed up chatting, and one thing lead to another....."
"It was messy, clumsy, the whole thing was punctuated with awkward laughs and no-one could get an erection due to being pissed.
"He stayed there for almost half an hour, lighting a fire inside me, slowly taking me closer to ecstacy......"
After half an hour of pointlessly trying to move his head a little to the left and just FINDING the damn thing already, I gave up, threw in a couple of fake moans, and decided to move things on before I died of boredom.
"He pulled me up roughly....... he flipped me onto my back.... he gently guided me in....... etc... etc....."
Every time we tried to change position it involved embarrassed muttering, awkward fumbling, and accidentally kicking each other in the head.
The idea these books promote - that orgasms actually exist, and that every time people have sex, they always have them. Sometimes simultaneously.
Fuck OFF they do!
OK, so I added that last one. But DAMN, having read all this, I've come to two conclusions. One being that I clearly don't have very good sex, which is annoying because it's not for lack of trying. Not to mention I know a LOT of tricks, and ALWAYS make the effort. What am I doing wrong? Why am I not getting those delightful tingles of sheer chemistry that other people experience - as opposed to a feeling of; "OK. Here I am. Doing something." I don't think I ever really switch off during sex, mainly cos I'm too busy thinking all the way through ("How do I look?" "What if he's geting bored?" "How does my stomach look from this angle?" "When is this gonna be over?"), instead of just getting lost in the moment. Come to mention it, that's EXACTLY where David said I went wrong. Hmmm.
And two - I think about sex WAY too much. Probably cos I'm not getting any. OK, rephrase: I am OCCASIOANALLY getting some, but not really in a good or satisfying way, or inside a stable relationship, which is probably the best way.
I mean, take this entry. I've just sat and compiled a list about sex. And yeah, there are ways and things, but there's only so much fun you can have with a vibrator. This is driving me crazy - frankly I'd just like to click my fingers so that everything around me could disappear - leaving nothing but me, David, a double bed, a bag of toys and a bottle of Glayva.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: have a guess - begins with H and rhymes with 'corny'
Current Music: "Poison" - Alice Cooper
So, after a few weeks, months, etc... of extensive research into erotic literature (ie: short story books from Ann Summers and the like), I had a sudden thought last night - why are these things never realistically written? I mean, OK, I suppose you have to have a fair bit of artistic lisence, and you can't REALLY write how normal people speak - as sometimes it's not that sexy. But seriously! All I can think when I'm reading these things is "What the hell?! That would NEVER happen! No-one would EVER say that in real life!" and truthfully, it distracts me, and I can't...... focus, for want of a better word.
So here - for maybe the first time in history - is a compiled list of erotic novella translations, taken either directly from real life, or from a range of varied guesses as to what any normal person would say:
LUST IN TRANSLATION - A real life take on those picture perfect written images
Quote: "Within an instant, he'd ripped my underwear from my body...."
Real Life: "What the fuck are you doing? I paid £25 for them!"
"He pushed me back onto the bed, covering my body with his...."
"Ow, SHIT!! You're leaning on my hair!!"
"I gently inserted the tip of my finger into his anus. At once, his features changed, his breath coming shallow. I could tell he loved what I was doing...."
"He stopped immediately and shouted 'JESUS! Don't do THAT!!"
"He stopped and stared at me. 'You're so beautiful,' he muttered, 'so sexy and exotic - like a wild flower.....'"
"What the fuck are you talking about? Are you drunk? Get the lights out and DON'T look at my bum."
"'You're going to ask me to leave aren't you?' 'I muttered. On the contrary,' she said, 'I now have an even bigger incentive to make you stay....'"
"Damn right I'm going to ask you to leave! How DARE you use my vibrator?!"
"'Let's give them something to watch,' I whispered."
"Shit! There's someone looking! Back in the car, BACK in the car......!!!'"
"'Please,' I begged, 'I need you inside me.' 'Ah,' he replied, smiling, 'Madam requires the gold-standard treatment.....'"
"'Ummmmm......ok, that's not REALLY the kind of thing we do here. Please put your clothes back on and leave, Madam."
"'Look,' I said, 'I don't make a habit of approaching strangers. But it's like this, I've got to have you - now."
He swallowed nervously. "Um, thank you, but...... are you crazy?? We're on a public train!"
"'You have exceptionally beautiful breasts,' she said."
I backed away and asked what the hell she thought she was doing, before calling the manager to report sexual harrassment.
"After a couple of drinks all three of us stayed up chatting, and one thing lead to another....."
"It was messy, clumsy, the whole thing was punctuated with awkward laughs and no-one could get an erection due to being pissed.
"He stayed there for almost half an hour, lighting a fire inside me, slowly taking me closer to ecstacy......"
After half an hour of pointlessly trying to move his head a little to the left and just FINDING the damn thing already, I gave up, threw in a couple of fake moans, and decided to move things on before I died of boredom.
"He pulled me up roughly....... he flipped me onto my back.... he gently guided me in....... etc... etc....."
Every time we tried to change position it involved embarrassed muttering, awkward fumbling, and accidentally kicking each other in the head.
The idea these books promote - that orgasms actually exist, and that every time people have sex, they always have them. Sometimes simultaneously.
Fuck OFF they do!
OK, so I added that last one. But DAMN, having read all this, I've come to two conclusions. One being that I clearly don't have very good sex, which is annoying because it's not for lack of trying. Not to mention I know a LOT of tricks, and ALWAYS make the effort. What am I doing wrong? Why am I not getting those delightful tingles of sheer chemistry that other people experience - as opposed to a feeling of; "OK. Here I am. Doing something." I don't think I ever really switch off during sex, mainly cos I'm too busy thinking all the way through ("How do I look?" "What if he's geting bored?" "How does my stomach look from this angle?" "When is this gonna be over?"), instead of just getting lost in the moment. Come to mention it, that's EXACTLY where David said I went wrong. Hmmm.
And two - I think about sex WAY too much. Probably cos I'm not getting any. OK, rephrase: I am OCCASIOANALLY getting some, but not really in a good or satisfying way, or inside a stable relationship, which is probably the best way.
I mean, take this entry. I've just sat and compiled a list about sex. And yeah, there are ways and things, but there's only so much fun you can have with a vibrator. This is driving me crazy - frankly I'd just like to click my fingers so that everything around me could disappear - leaving nothing but me, David, a double bed, a bag of toys and a bottle of Glayva.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: have a guess - begins with H and rhymes with 'corny'
Current Music: "Poison" - Alice Cooper
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Day 4 in the Detox house.....
Dear Diary,
You wanna know something? I hate bananas. I absolutely hate them with body and soul. THOSE FUCKING WANKING TWATTING COCKING YELLOW BASTARDS!!! I hope the island of St. Lucia sinks into the sea so they can never produce those vile abominations and sell them to the world EVER AGAIN!!
Ahem. Rant over.
As you may or may not have gathered Day 4 of the dread diet is by far and away the worst. And by an extrordinary coincidence, Day 4 was today. As it is Thursday. Needless to say, I was NOT having a good time. The diet sheet simply states - "Eat up to 8 bananas and as much skimmed milk as possible". BULL. SHIT. I have no idea why ANYONE would want to eat 8 of those slimy, vile, ropey things - I managed 2, and even then the 2nd one was bolted down and nearly made me throw it back up. At least I managed the milk. Eurrrrgh. Grrrr... Definately the worst day.
Oh my god though. I am PROPER looking forward to tomorrow. It's gonna be a fantastic day, I know that much!
Today wasn't THAT bad. Yeah, the food was pretty goddawful, but I walked into the village and back for an Optician's appointment, which was all good. Ordered a sexy new pair of glasses (since I've had current pair 5 YEARS) they're even THICKER, black and square with a zebra print on the inside - the sort that look kinda lesbian-ish, but in a really cool way.
Had an absolutely EPIC "Lost"-fest, which was pretty sweet. And it REALLY makes a lot more sense when you watch every episode in order, one after the other! Although found myself suddenly getting the hots for bearded men - particularly Desmond and Faraday. Hmmmm...... Maybe it's the undercurrent of manliness, or unkempt-ness of living on an island. Or maybe because it reminded me subconciously of David, who - at last Facebook photo-check - was developing increasing amounts of scratch. Hmmm. Mmmmmm. Unfortunately then I kept drifting off into sexy, stubble-on-neck-filled daydreams and had to continuously rewind the bits I missed. Damn him getting in my head like that. I can only hope I'm having the same affect on him (which I most likely won't be. Grrr.)
Had my extra shift again tonight. Not much to report, except I once again didn't crack. I took an apple in to munch on, got another shift for next week...... oh and Pat still isn't speaking to me. What a wanker. He was finishing his pint when I started my shift, and then ACTUALLY ASKED his mate to buy the next round while he went to the loo, just so I couldn't serve him. How ridiculously pathetic. Oh wait, it gets better! I went to get a simple glass of water from the sink near him, and would you believe it.....? HE TURNED HIS BACK ON ME. Not even in a humorous, jokey, Mighty Boosh kind of way. He just looked at me, turned, and faced the other way. What a prick. Who said this shite ended in the high school playground, eh? Fucking limp-dick, bitter, dried up old bastard. It's not my fault I'm not a butt-ugly alcoholic motherfucker and still have sex.
Jesus. That place really brings out the nasty bitch in me.
Ah well, Bring on Day 5!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: "Weapon of choice" - Fatboy Slim
You wanna know something? I hate bananas. I absolutely hate them with body and soul. THOSE FUCKING WANKING TWATTING COCKING YELLOW BASTARDS!!! I hope the island of St. Lucia sinks into the sea so they can never produce those vile abominations and sell them to the world EVER AGAIN!!
Ahem. Rant over.
As you may or may not have gathered Day 4 of the dread diet is by far and away the worst. And by an extrordinary coincidence, Day 4 was today. As it is Thursday. Needless to say, I was NOT having a good time. The diet sheet simply states - "Eat up to 8 bananas and as much skimmed milk as possible". BULL. SHIT. I have no idea why ANYONE would want to eat 8 of those slimy, vile, ropey things - I managed 2, and even then the 2nd one was bolted down and nearly made me throw it back up. At least I managed the milk. Eurrrrgh. Grrrr... Definately the worst day.
Oh my god though. I am PROPER looking forward to tomorrow. It's gonna be a fantastic day, I know that much!
Today wasn't THAT bad. Yeah, the food was pretty goddawful, but I walked into the village and back for an Optician's appointment, which was all good. Ordered a sexy new pair of glasses (since I've had current pair 5 YEARS) they're even THICKER, black and square with a zebra print on the inside - the sort that look kinda lesbian-ish, but in a really cool way.
Had an absolutely EPIC "Lost"-fest, which was pretty sweet. And it REALLY makes a lot more sense when you watch every episode in order, one after the other! Although found myself suddenly getting the hots for bearded men - particularly Desmond and Faraday. Hmmmm...... Maybe it's the undercurrent of manliness, or unkempt-ness of living on an island. Or maybe because it reminded me subconciously of David, who - at last Facebook photo-check - was developing increasing amounts of scratch. Hmmm. Mmmmmm. Unfortunately then I kept drifting off into sexy, stubble-on-neck-filled daydreams and had to continuously rewind the bits I missed. Damn him getting in my head like that. I can only hope I'm having the same affect on him (which I most likely won't be. Grrr.)
Had my extra shift again tonight. Not much to report, except I once again didn't crack. I took an apple in to munch on, got another shift for next week...... oh and Pat still isn't speaking to me. What a wanker. He was finishing his pint when I started my shift, and then ACTUALLY ASKED his mate to buy the next round while he went to the loo, just so I couldn't serve him. How ridiculously pathetic. Oh wait, it gets better! I went to get a simple glass of water from the sink near him, and would you believe it.....? HE TURNED HIS BACK ON ME. Not even in a humorous, jokey, Mighty Boosh kind of way. He just looked at me, turned, and faced the other way. What a prick. Who said this shite ended in the high school playground, eh? Fucking limp-dick, bitter, dried up old bastard. It's not my fault I'm not a butt-ugly alcoholic motherfucker and still have sex.
Jesus. That place really brings out the nasty bitch in me.
Ah well, Bring on Day 5!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: "Weapon of choice" - Fatboy Slim
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
Pub woes
Dear Diary,
Just got in from work at the pub. It was absolutely DEAD, which made my tips shite and made it pretty difficult not to snatch up any crisps, especially when my tummy was rumbling for the first time in 3 days. I just gritted my teeth and drank as much orange juice and water as my bladder could physically cope with. Hey, guess what? Pat has actually fallen out with me. As in, refused to talk or even say hello to me. How childish is that?? Apparently both Tara AND the Landlady have explained to him about the pint-throwing-away, to which he just shrugged. And he did indeed leave when I came in tonight. What a pathetic git.
Good news though - have an extra shift tomorrow. Money money money!
Walked to Tesco earlier, to buy poorly Dad some supplements, papers and Lottery tickets to stop him going mad with ennui. Treated myself (!) to a bag of rocket lettuce and some frozen peas, to make soup with for next week. Although I've since been warned that peas are quite fattening. GODDAMN IT!! It was a strange shopping trip, since I was looking at food through totally new eyes, like I'd never seen it before. I swear, whilst looking at a frozen seafood mix of prawns, mussles and squid (thinking how lovely that would look smothered on top of a bowl of pasta with Dill sauce) my mouth watered so much I damn near flooded the aisle.
Simultaneously was quite an irritating shopping trip, as I would normally buy a crafty bag of crisps, or chocolate bar etc..... (I know, I'm awful) but obviously this time I couldn't. Then I slowly realised just how big a part of my life junk food is. I eat between meals, whenever I'm bored, whenever the oppurtunity arises, when I pass a shop. And then I started wondering what I was gonna do with my days, which is quite shameful.
So instead of buying food, I bought Stuff To Distract. Yes, I'm £32 down, but I now have the entire 4th season of "Lost" to keep me occupied! And with 14 episodes at one hour each (PLUS extras!!) I think that's enough to keep me from boredom from now till Sunday. So at least I have something to do with my days instead of counting down till my next meal!
Since I got out of work early, am currently curled up with yet ANOTHER cup of soup, about to stick the first episode of "Lost" on before going to bed. Good times.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: winding down
Current Music: "House of the rising sun" - Led Zeppelin
Just got in from work at the pub. It was absolutely DEAD, which made my tips shite and made it pretty difficult not to snatch up any crisps, especially when my tummy was rumbling for the first time in 3 days. I just gritted my teeth and drank as much orange juice and water as my bladder could physically cope with. Hey, guess what? Pat has actually fallen out with me. As in, refused to talk or even say hello to me. How childish is that?? Apparently both Tara AND the Landlady have explained to him about the pint-throwing-away, to which he just shrugged. And he did indeed leave when I came in tonight. What a pathetic git.
Good news though - have an extra shift tomorrow. Money money money!
Walked to Tesco earlier, to buy poorly Dad some supplements, papers and Lottery tickets to stop him going mad with ennui. Treated myself (!) to a bag of rocket lettuce and some frozen peas, to make soup with for next week. Although I've since been warned that peas are quite fattening. GODDAMN IT!! It was a strange shopping trip, since I was looking at food through totally new eyes, like I'd never seen it before. I swear, whilst looking at a frozen seafood mix of prawns, mussles and squid (thinking how lovely that would look smothered on top of a bowl of pasta with Dill sauce) my mouth watered so much I damn near flooded the aisle.
Simultaneously was quite an irritating shopping trip, as I would normally buy a crafty bag of crisps, or chocolate bar etc..... (I know, I'm awful) but obviously this time I couldn't. Then I slowly realised just how big a part of my life junk food is. I eat between meals, whenever I'm bored, whenever the oppurtunity arises, when I pass a shop. And then I started wondering what I was gonna do with my days, which is quite shameful.
So instead of buying food, I bought Stuff To Distract. Yes, I'm £32 down, but I now have the entire 4th season of "Lost" to keep me occupied! And with 14 episodes at one hour each (PLUS extras!!) I think that's enough to keep me from boredom from now till Sunday. So at least I have something to do with my days instead of counting down till my next meal!
Since I got out of work early, am currently curled up with yet ANOTHER cup of soup, about to stick the first episode of "Lost" on before going to bed. Good times.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: winding down
Current Music: "House of the rising sun" - Led Zeppelin
Diet - once again
Dear Diary,
My god, this is incredible. For the first time in my life, I am on a diet - AND I HAVE STUCK WITH IT FOR 3 DAYS. This in UNBELIEVABLE!! I normally NEVER see anything through, being such a criminally lazy person. But something must've kick-started me this time - maybe the prospect of potentially seeing David again, maybe I've just reached breaking point. Maybe I'm just so bored of being overweight, at this point, I'm willing to try anything.
Started it on Monday with Mum - who isn't following the same detox one I'm doing, but just eating very healthily and doing exercise. Naturally faced a lot of backlash off Marie and her mum, but fuck it, it's only for a week, and even if it DOES work...... well let's just say I'm not likely to DIE if I lose a stone in 7 days! In fact, I could do with it.
Day 1 (Monday) consisted of eating nothing but homemade vegetable soup (which I'm fiercely proud of), fruit and lots of water. Incredibly boring. I was climbing the walls by 4pm.
Day 2 (Tuesday) was the same, except you can't eat fruit, but instead you get to eat lots of fresh or cooked vegetables (hurray....!) as well. Oooh, and you can reward yourself with a jacket potato and butter for tea. Have never enjoyed a jacket so much in my LIFE.
Helped by going to Belly Dancing, walking to the class and back, and only drinking Orange juice when I went to the Pub Quiz with Anne. I'm getting goooooooood! (On a side note, the fact that I DIDN'T buy copious amounts of alcohol to get me through seeing her with her new boyfriend is, I think, an enormous testement to my willpower. As for him, he was lovely, sweet, good-looking and funny. I'm seriously going to hang myself)
So now I'm on Day 3 which looks to be just as boring as Monday - I get to COMBINE, which just means fruit, soup, AND vegetables, but no jacket (*sniffle*). Tomorrow looks to be even worse. But at least there's Days 5 and 6 - which I'm REALLY looking forward to. You'll soon see why......
I know I sound like one of those really boring people who talk about their diet all the time. And the truth is..... I am. At least for this week. But what people don't seem to realise is that by talking, joking, and bitching about it, I can at least cope with it better. Besides, when you look at the effects, I really don't care how annoying I sound.
THE EFFECTS:
My god, this is incredible. For the first time in my life, I am on a diet - AND I HAVE STUCK WITH IT FOR 3 DAYS. This in UNBELIEVABLE!! I normally NEVER see anything through, being such a criminally lazy person. But something must've kick-started me this time - maybe the prospect of potentially seeing David again, maybe I've just reached breaking point. Maybe I'm just so bored of being overweight, at this point, I'm willing to try anything.
Started it on Monday with Mum - who isn't following the same detox one I'm doing, but just eating very healthily and doing exercise. Naturally faced a lot of backlash off Marie and her mum, but fuck it, it's only for a week, and even if it DOES work...... well let's just say I'm not likely to DIE if I lose a stone in 7 days! In fact, I could do with it.
Day 1 (Monday) consisted of eating nothing but homemade vegetable soup (which I'm fiercely proud of), fruit and lots of water. Incredibly boring. I was climbing the walls by 4pm.
Day 2 (Tuesday) was the same, except you can't eat fruit, but instead you get to eat lots of fresh or cooked vegetables (hurray....!) as well. Oooh, and you can reward yourself with a jacket potato and butter for tea. Have never enjoyed a jacket so much in my LIFE.
Helped by going to Belly Dancing, walking to the class and back, and only drinking Orange juice when I went to the Pub Quiz with Anne. I'm getting goooooooood! (On a side note, the fact that I DIDN'T buy copious amounts of alcohol to get me through seeing her with her new boyfriend is, I think, an enormous testement to my willpower. As for him, he was lovely, sweet, good-looking and funny. I'm seriously going to hang myself)
So now I'm on Day 3 which looks to be just as boring as Monday - I get to COMBINE, which just means fruit, soup, AND vegetables, but no jacket (*sniffle*). Tomorrow looks to be even worse. But at least there's Days 5 and 6 - which I'm REALLY looking forward to. You'll soon see why......
I know I sound like one of those really boring people who talk about their diet all the time. And the truth is..... I am. At least for this week. But what people don't seem to realise is that by talking, joking, and bitching about it, I can at least cope with it better. Besides, when you look at the effects, I really don't care how annoying I sound.
THE EFFECTS:
- I'm not hungry all the time anymore
- I feel slightly more energised than usual
- I can go longer between meals
- I haven't had a single snack or dessert
And best of all - I've already lost FOUR POUNDS. That's almost a bag of sugar!! See, I might as well tell you the truth, being my diary and all - I started off at 14 stone 11 pounds, my Body Fat percent was 41.8% and my Body Mass Index was 34.5. But I've just weighed myself today, I'm now 14 stone 7 pounds, my Body Fat percent is 32.8% and my BMI is 28.5. And that's after only 3 days. This is BRILLIANT!! Why have I never done this before??
The tricky part will be at work tonight, where I usually always get some crisps on the shift, or eat something when I get home. Eeeep.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: chuffed
Current Music: "Panama" - Van Halen
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Yesterday
Dear Diary,
So, today being Tuesday, I am almost COMPLETELY up to date! And never again will I neglect my blog and have to do those dreaded "Updating" entries (*shudder*). Alors, what happened yesterday? Well, I shall make it more fun (and also because I can't be arsed going into details) by putting it in the form, once again, of a LIST.
THINGS THAT ANNOYED ME ABOUT MONDAY:
Mum being CONSTANTLY on at me - do exercise, go for a walk, do the Thank You cards from Christmas, look into getting a job at EuroDisney, etc.... etc.... Wish I'd never mentioned Paris idea to her, because now it's ALL she talks about. I literally think she's already planning what to do with my room when I'm gone.
Aching like a BASTARD after the walk - literally every limb in my body that wasn't my face felt like an elephant had attempted to Do the Hussle on it.
Starting a new diet - remember the one back from the good old L*********** days? The one that didn't cause (but certainly didn't help) my fainting? Well, it's back with a vengeance, this time I plan to stick to it. And stick to it I have. Whilst this makes me feel good, it really is mind-numbingly boring just eating fruit and soup. And hammered home just how much shite I eat, and how often I eat it, which made me feel slightly ashamed.
Finding out Lee's fate via his Facebook - he got fired after all. His status just read: "Lee has left the building (fired)". Yes I'm angry that the authorities could sack someone as good as him over a silly little incident, - but this doesn't so much annoy me as just make me feel really, incredibly sad. And not just because I'll never see him again, the poor guy must be DEVASTATED. Can't stop wondering what he'll get a job as now, or how he's feeling. Christ. My stomach literally dropped when I found out.
Going out with Marie again - OK, overall it was a good night. But not being able to drink alcohol, losing EVERY game of Pool, bumping into Gaz (from last week) and the incredible hypocrisy of Marie agreeing how annoying it is when people natter on about their partners (and then proceeding to do exactly that) pissed me off. Actually, Gaz was quite sweet about the whole thing. He was in watching the Liverpool/Everton match, but came and hung out with us for a while. He asked if I was "alright" with what happened last week, good-naturedly took the piss when I asked if it was an important game, etc... Even had a little kiss outside and NEITHER OF US WERE DRUNK. Crikey. He does seem quite sweet. And looks a little like Aidan from uni.
Oh, and I was a good girl, and went home with Marie. HA!!! Lesson to be learnt - drink less. I did feel slightly bad when Marie pointed out how jealous Jack (previous one-night stand) seemed to be when looking and me and Gaz (why? WHY??! It was a one-night frigging-stand, he can't have actually FALLEN for me?!! I left before he even woke up!!!) but jealousy was over-ridden in a split second when she teased me about "playing with balls." Namely, Jack's. How did she know that....? Yes, it turns out Jack told his mate, who told a mate..... news travels fast in a village pub and now, presumably, a lot of his mates know what I'm like in the sack. Hmmm, let's see, I wonder how funny he'll find it when I spread around how he did fuck-all, left me to do all the work, was a shit shag, made me run out before he woke up and has a microscopic dick???!
Anyway. We went back to hers and watched "Billy Elliot." Absolute classic. I marvel at Julie Walters' North-East accent.
(For those wondering, Gaz got probhation for 12 months. And he's going to workshops to cut down the booze and fags. Hmmm.)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So, today being Tuesday, I am almost COMPLETELY up to date! And never again will I neglect my blog and have to do those dreaded "Updating" entries (*shudder*). Alors, what happened yesterday? Well, I shall make it more fun (and also because I can't be arsed going into details) by putting it in the form, once again, of a LIST.
THINGS THAT ANNOYED ME ABOUT MONDAY:
Mum being CONSTANTLY on at me - do exercise, go for a walk, do the Thank You cards from Christmas, look into getting a job at EuroDisney, etc.... etc.... Wish I'd never mentioned Paris idea to her, because now it's ALL she talks about. I literally think she's already planning what to do with my room when I'm gone.
Aching like a BASTARD after the walk - literally every limb in my body that wasn't my face felt like an elephant had attempted to Do the Hussle on it.
Starting a new diet - remember the one back from the good old L*********** days? The one that didn't cause (but certainly didn't help) my fainting? Well, it's back with a vengeance, this time I plan to stick to it. And stick to it I have. Whilst this makes me feel good, it really is mind-numbingly boring just eating fruit and soup. And hammered home just how much shite I eat, and how often I eat it, which made me feel slightly ashamed.
Finding out Lee's fate via his Facebook - he got fired after all. His status just read: "Lee has left the building (fired)". Yes I'm angry that the authorities could sack someone as good as him over a silly little incident, - but this doesn't so much annoy me as just make me feel really, incredibly sad. And not just because I'll never see him again, the poor guy must be DEVASTATED. Can't stop wondering what he'll get a job as now, or how he's feeling. Christ. My stomach literally dropped when I found out.
Going out with Marie again - OK, overall it was a good night. But not being able to drink alcohol, losing EVERY game of Pool, bumping into Gaz (from last week) and the incredible hypocrisy of Marie agreeing how annoying it is when people natter on about their partners (and then proceeding to do exactly that) pissed me off. Actually, Gaz was quite sweet about the whole thing. He was in watching the Liverpool/Everton match, but came and hung out with us for a while. He asked if I was "alright" with what happened last week, good-naturedly took the piss when I asked if it was an important game, etc... Even had a little kiss outside and NEITHER OF US WERE DRUNK. Crikey. He does seem quite sweet. And looks a little like Aidan from uni.
Oh, and I was a good girl, and went home with Marie. HA!!! Lesson to be learnt - drink less. I did feel slightly bad when Marie pointed out how jealous Jack (previous one-night stand) seemed to be when looking and me and Gaz (why? WHY??! It was a one-night frigging-stand, he can't have actually FALLEN for me?!! I left before he even woke up!!!) but jealousy was over-ridden in a split second when she teased me about "playing with balls." Namely, Jack's. How did she know that....? Yes, it turns out Jack told his mate, who told a mate..... news travels fast in a village pub and now, presumably, a lot of his mates know what I'm like in the sack. Hmmm, let's see, I wonder how funny he'll find it when I spread around how he did fuck-all, left me to do all the work, was a shit shag, made me run out before he woke up and has a microscopic dick???!
Anyway. We went back to hers and watched "Billy Elliot." Absolute classic. I marvel at Julie Walters' North-East accent.
(For those wondering, Gaz got probhation for 12 months. And he's going to workshops to cut down the booze and fags. Hmmm.)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Update - Sunday
Dear Diary,
Clearly trying not to mourn the loss of Shaun too much, Mum apparently went ahead and organised a walk for the next day, with all her friends. Which I apparently said Yes to (I curse the Yes Man, sometimes). And that is how on Sunday, I came to be trekking up a frigging MOUNTAIN. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it really hammered home just how chronically unfit I am as I staggered, wheezed and limped - and that was just the first 10 minutes before we even made it onto the hill. Swayed alarmingly between moods of "It's cool, I don't mind them all walking on ahead, I have 729 songs and 5 films to choose from, I can set my own pace" to "Those fucking FUCKERS!! How DARE they not wait for me?! No it's alright, you just all trot on, I'll just crumble beside the roadside and DIE."
Didn't help that I hadn't eaten breakfast either (still recovering from last night's impregnation of the Pizza Baby),a fact made clear within minutes of starting on the hill, as I had to stop practically every 5 seconds, while parents made me feel increasingly good about myself by pointing out how fit THEY are and how a young girl of 22 shouldn't be......blah... blah..... blah......
Eventually took pity on me by giving me some chocolate, which sent me shooting up the hill, confidently yelling "Keep up!" over my shoulder. The hills were TREACHOROUS, the kind you can only imagine, covered in rocks we had to navigate and precipices we had to not fall over. Naturally was steaming like a demon, but the constant presence of Wind Turbines (or whatever those 3-pronged things are) cooled us all down a little. Have never been so greatful to stop and have lunch. At that moment in time, I geniunely would've turned down the oppurtunity to meet Michael Jackson, just so I could tuck into some of Mum's tikka wraps and healthy crisps.
On the way back, the "leader" of the group got into everyone's bad books by taking us the WORST way back - through a thigh-deep muddy field, over a barbed wire fence, and through a wood. Decided he was dead to me, especially after twisting my knee, cutting my hand, and developing Trench Foot. Anyway, it was all over eventually, and soon I was tucked up in (Shaun's) bed, all cosied and aching. Until I remembered I was in work at 9. Fun, fun, fun.....
Work was hell on wheels - Sam once again barely spoke to me, and I was aching like I'd replaced the ball in a rugby game. IN NEW ZEALAND. Pat has decided he doesn't want me to serve him ever again after Friday night. Started giggling and adopting a "Oh, you crazy cat!" demeanour, until I saw his deadly serious face. Jesus, he actually meant it. Started to apologise for the sex comment (what if he had a dead wife I'd inadvertedly insulted??) but he said it was because I'd poured his drink away. OK:
1) His mate told me to do it, as he thought Pat was too pissed, and it was for the greater good.
2) He was out the fucking DOOR when he saw me do it - now call me crazy but when people walk out doors, that to me is a sign that someone is LEAVING. And therefore doesn't want to finish their drink. No?
3) He was so pissed he didn't even remember he HAD a drink until he saw me with it.
What a cunt. I asked him what he was gonna do on Wednesdays when it was only me on, and he replied "I just won't come in." Bollocks. I'd like to see him try it. He's in there every bastarding night, he couldn't fucking keep away if he TRIED. God forbid, he might actually have to stay at home for a night and talk to his wife! Well, at least I've done something good. And if it means a night without the usual condescending comments, sexual harrassment and taking the piss then fucking BRING IT ON.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: "Do the Hucklebuck"
Clearly trying not to mourn the loss of Shaun too much, Mum apparently went ahead and organised a walk for the next day, with all her friends. Which I apparently said Yes to (I curse the Yes Man, sometimes). And that is how on Sunday, I came to be trekking up a frigging MOUNTAIN. OK, maybe I'm exaggerating, but it really hammered home just how chronically unfit I am as I staggered, wheezed and limped - and that was just the first 10 minutes before we even made it onto the hill. Swayed alarmingly between moods of "It's cool, I don't mind them all walking on ahead, I have 729 songs and 5 films to choose from, I can set my own pace" to "Those fucking FUCKERS!! How DARE they not wait for me?! No it's alright, you just all trot on, I'll just crumble beside the roadside and DIE."
Didn't help that I hadn't eaten breakfast either (still recovering from last night's impregnation of the Pizza Baby),a fact made clear within minutes of starting on the hill, as I had to stop practically every 5 seconds, while parents made me feel increasingly good about myself by pointing out how fit THEY are and how a young girl of 22 shouldn't be......blah... blah..... blah......
Eventually took pity on me by giving me some chocolate, which sent me shooting up the hill, confidently yelling "Keep up!" over my shoulder. The hills were TREACHOROUS, the kind you can only imagine, covered in rocks we had to navigate and precipices we had to not fall over. Naturally was steaming like a demon, but the constant presence of Wind Turbines (or whatever those 3-pronged things are) cooled us all down a little. Have never been so greatful to stop and have lunch. At that moment in time, I geniunely would've turned down the oppurtunity to meet Michael Jackson, just so I could tuck into some of Mum's tikka wraps and healthy crisps.
On the way back, the "leader" of the group got into everyone's bad books by taking us the WORST way back - through a thigh-deep muddy field, over a barbed wire fence, and through a wood. Decided he was dead to me, especially after twisting my knee, cutting my hand, and developing Trench Foot. Anyway, it was all over eventually, and soon I was tucked up in (Shaun's) bed, all cosied and aching. Until I remembered I was in work at 9. Fun, fun, fun.....
Work was hell on wheels - Sam once again barely spoke to me, and I was aching like I'd replaced the ball in a rugby game. IN NEW ZEALAND. Pat has decided he doesn't want me to serve him ever again after Friday night. Started giggling and adopting a "Oh, you crazy cat!" demeanour, until I saw his deadly serious face. Jesus, he actually meant it. Started to apologise for the sex comment (what if he had a dead wife I'd inadvertedly insulted??) but he said it was because I'd poured his drink away. OK:
1) His mate told me to do it, as he thought Pat was too pissed, and it was for the greater good.
2) He was out the fucking DOOR when he saw me do it - now call me crazy but when people walk out doors, that to me is a sign that someone is LEAVING. And therefore doesn't want to finish their drink. No?
3) He was so pissed he didn't even remember he HAD a drink until he saw me with it.
What a cunt. I asked him what he was gonna do on Wednesdays when it was only me on, and he replied "I just won't come in." Bollocks. I'd like to see him try it. He's in there every bastarding night, he couldn't fucking keep away if he TRIED. God forbid, he might actually have to stay at home for a night and talk to his wife! Well, at least I've done something good. And if it means a night without the usual condescending comments, sexual harrassment and taking the piss then fucking BRING IT ON.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: "Do the Hucklebuck"
Monday, 19 January 2009
Shaun's departure
Dear Diary,
Following on from last entry - I got home from work and stayed up for the next 3 hours, popping ProPlus, watching "Trainspotting" (why don't I OWN it?! It's bloody BRILLIANT!!) and nattering to Shaun, who was also staying up. I wrote him a letter - whilst pretending to be doodling - and slipped it into his hand luggage when he wasn't looking. It went something along the lines of:
Dear Shaun,
Don't worry, I'm not doing to do a "Mum" and get all sentimental on your arse. Just wanted to drop you a quick note saying Goodbye (*sob*) and give you some last minute advice.
LAST MINUTE ADVICE:
1) Even if you have to store it in your boxers whilst wearing them - KEEP YOUR CASHCARD SAFE. At least if you get mugged we can put money in your account for a new wallet.
2) DO NOT get a tattoo. Or if you do, get it in a place where Mum and Dad will NEVER FIND OUT.
3) I will do everything in my power to tape the new series of "Lost" for you
4) Don't sleep with ANYONE in Thailand. You've seen the "Dirty Sanchez" film - there is every possibility that she is actually a man. If it definately is a woman, wear a condom (which I have handily enclosed as a leaving present) or you'll get dirty Thai AIDS.
5) For God's sake, stay SAFE!!
6) Keep in touch or I'll tear you a new one.
7) Whatever you do, don't lose James. What you gonna do, ring each other at $800 a minute? STICK TOGETHER!!
8) Do not start, encourage, or respond to ANY fights. Even if you think you look like a total gaylord, just ALWAYS walk away. You never know, there's every chance the person you fight will be ten times better than you at it.
9) Should you encounter terrorists on any of your flights, by God, you must do your duty, stand up for your Queen and country, and beat the shit out of them.
In a nutshell, just saty safe and keep in touch, and I'll try and get along without our dance-offs, constant "Family Guy" quoting, ("Peter, I know you're in here." "Yes I am, Lois. BUT WHEEEEEEEEEEERE??!") and your crazy-ass ways, etc.... I'll miss you more than I can express. See you in 6 months on this side of the pond! Love you to bits, Kat xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
(PS: I aint saying Goodbye, I'm just saying Good Luck)
Yeah, I know, corny. Plus, I know that last line's a quote from SOMETHING, I just can't think what..... So I stuck that in his bag with an envelope procclaiming "SHAUN - DO NOT OPEN THIS UNTIL ON THE PLANE" on the front, and "PS: I know what you're thinking and no, you're wrong, this envelope contains NO money. SUCKA!!!" on the back. With a jonny indeed enclosed. Aren't I the best sister?
After a general lot of faffing around (and Shaun taking 12 years to do his hair), we were ready to go. Took a photo of us in the back of the car, which I will obviously treasure. Mum and Dad naturally found a million and one things to bicker about as we wended our way to the airport - nice of them to ensure their son's last memories of them will be happy ones, eh? Goddamn idiots. Is a little restraint too much to ask for for a couple of hours?! Grrrr..... Didn't help that we got hopelessly lost on the way - and since we've all got the emotional scars of what happened the time Dad got us lost in France, tension was high, needless to say. Not even the BeeGees could drown it out as I stared resolutely out the window. Cheered up though, as, rather poignantly and hilariously, "I want to break free" came on the radio. Had a little sing-a-long, with me substituting my own lyrics:
"I want to break free, I want to break free/I want to break free from the UK, travel along to Fiji/Stopping off at L.A/Hey! God knows, god knows I want to break free/But life still goes on, we're gonna get used to living without, living without, living without you/By our sides/While you're running round Hong Ko-o-o-ong/So Shaun-y can't you see?/We know you want to break freee!" (*Guitar solo*)
Anyway, we got there eventually, met up with James and his family and checked in, etc... Had a drink and sandwich in Costa before seeing them off. It was damn near heartbreaking. Especially since 2 of their mates had come along to see them off, who were nearly crying themselves. And as they are big tall rugby-playing lads, that was upsetting beyond belief. Obviously shed a wee tear as I hugged him Goodbye, thinking all kinds of crazy things like "This is the last time I'll smell his hair gel. Why do I always bitch about him spending so long on his hair?! This is the last time I'll see his spots close-up...... I won't be able to take the piss out of them for 6 months!!" etc..... Have to say, it was pretty hard, I had to just keep swallowing and staring wildly at the ceiling so as not to completely break down. Waved them off as they rounded the corner, and then they were gone. From that moment on, they were naught but 2 teenage boys, starting an adventure in the world. Shaun's friend Mark summed it up best, I think, with the words: "Well, shit." Quite.
Made our way home, where my ProPlus completely failed as I crashed the hell out. Woke up about 3pm, pottered round the house for a while, as we all tracked the boys' flight live on the Internet. "Oh, they're over the ocean. Oh, they're approaching America!....... Still approaching America....... The tip of the plane nose has entered America!" etc..... Mum and Dad went to see a play, so I took advantage of the empty house by eating a pizza the size of a small human child and doing some....... cardio-vascular exercise for 2 hours. Let's just say, I bloody love it when everyone's out, if you catch my drift! (And if you still don't, I will just say: DAMN I've missed my Rabbit.....!) Well, my "Bad Girl" calender told me that today was the day for taking yourself on a date, pampering, eating, and showering yourself with self-love. So I guess technically, that makes me a sex-on-the-first-date kinda person! Ah well, at least I'll still respect myself in the morning - good times! Had a lovely shower, went to bed feeling all soft, fluffy and sated and slept till my name changed to Rip Van Kat.
Late text from Shaun: "Have landed. Am lying on Venice Beach, soaking up the sun. What are you up to?"
Reply: "Sleeping in your bed with the electric blanket on, you little fucker."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Following on from last entry - I got home from work and stayed up for the next 3 hours, popping ProPlus, watching "Trainspotting" (why don't I OWN it?! It's bloody BRILLIANT!!) and nattering to Shaun, who was also staying up. I wrote him a letter - whilst pretending to be doodling - and slipped it into his hand luggage when he wasn't looking. It went something along the lines of:
Dear Shaun,
Don't worry, I'm not doing to do a "Mum" and get all sentimental on your arse. Just wanted to drop you a quick note saying Goodbye (*sob*) and give you some last minute advice.
LAST MINUTE ADVICE:
1) Even if you have to store it in your boxers whilst wearing them - KEEP YOUR CASHCARD SAFE. At least if you get mugged we can put money in your account for a new wallet.
2) DO NOT get a tattoo. Or if you do, get it in a place where Mum and Dad will NEVER FIND OUT.
3) I will do everything in my power to tape the new series of "Lost" for you
4) Don't sleep with ANYONE in Thailand. You've seen the "Dirty Sanchez" film - there is every possibility that she is actually a man. If it definately is a woman, wear a condom (which I have handily enclosed as a leaving present) or you'll get dirty Thai AIDS.
5) For God's sake, stay SAFE!!
6) Keep in touch or I'll tear you a new one.
7) Whatever you do, don't lose James. What you gonna do, ring each other at $800 a minute? STICK TOGETHER!!
8) Do not start, encourage, or respond to ANY fights. Even if you think you look like a total gaylord, just ALWAYS walk away. You never know, there's every chance the person you fight will be ten times better than you at it.
9) Should you encounter terrorists on any of your flights, by God, you must do your duty, stand up for your Queen and country, and beat the shit out of them.
In a nutshell, just saty safe and keep in touch, and I'll try and get along without our dance-offs, constant "Family Guy" quoting, ("Peter, I know you're in here." "Yes I am, Lois. BUT WHEEEEEEEEEEERE??!") and your crazy-ass ways, etc.... I'll miss you more than I can express. See you in 6 months on this side of the pond! Love you to bits, Kat xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
(PS: I aint saying Goodbye, I'm just saying Good Luck)
Yeah, I know, corny. Plus, I know that last line's a quote from SOMETHING, I just can't think what..... So I stuck that in his bag with an envelope procclaiming "SHAUN - DO NOT OPEN THIS UNTIL ON THE PLANE" on the front, and "PS: I know what you're thinking and no, you're wrong, this envelope contains NO money. SUCKA!!!" on the back. With a jonny indeed enclosed. Aren't I the best sister?
After a general lot of faffing around (and Shaun taking 12 years to do his hair), we were ready to go. Took a photo of us in the back of the car, which I will obviously treasure. Mum and Dad naturally found a million and one things to bicker about as we wended our way to the airport - nice of them to ensure their son's last memories of them will be happy ones, eh? Goddamn idiots. Is a little restraint too much to ask for for a couple of hours?! Grrrr..... Didn't help that we got hopelessly lost on the way - and since we've all got the emotional scars of what happened the time Dad got us lost in France, tension was high, needless to say. Not even the BeeGees could drown it out as I stared resolutely out the window. Cheered up though, as, rather poignantly and hilariously, "I want to break free" came on the radio. Had a little sing-a-long, with me substituting my own lyrics:
"I want to break free, I want to break free/I want to break free from the UK, travel along to Fiji/Stopping off at L.A/Hey! God knows, god knows I want to break free/But life still goes on, we're gonna get used to living without, living without, living without you/By our sides/While you're running round Hong Ko-o-o-ong/So Shaun-y can't you see?/We know you want to break freee!" (*Guitar solo*)
Anyway, we got there eventually, met up with James and his family and checked in, etc... Had a drink and sandwich in Costa before seeing them off. It was damn near heartbreaking. Especially since 2 of their mates had come along to see them off, who were nearly crying themselves. And as they are big tall rugby-playing lads, that was upsetting beyond belief. Obviously shed a wee tear as I hugged him Goodbye, thinking all kinds of crazy things like "This is the last time I'll smell his hair gel. Why do I always bitch about him spending so long on his hair?! This is the last time I'll see his spots close-up...... I won't be able to take the piss out of them for 6 months!!" etc..... Have to say, it was pretty hard, I had to just keep swallowing and staring wildly at the ceiling so as not to completely break down. Waved them off as they rounded the corner, and then they were gone. From that moment on, they were naught but 2 teenage boys, starting an adventure in the world. Shaun's friend Mark summed it up best, I think, with the words: "Well, shit." Quite.
Made our way home, where my ProPlus completely failed as I crashed the hell out. Woke up about 3pm, pottered round the house for a while, as we all tracked the boys' flight live on the Internet. "Oh, they're over the ocean. Oh, they're approaching America!....... Still approaching America....... The tip of the plane nose has entered America!" etc..... Mum and Dad went to see a play, so I took advantage of the empty house by eating a pizza the size of a small human child and doing some....... cardio-vascular exercise for 2 hours. Let's just say, I bloody love it when everyone's out, if you catch my drift! (And if you still don't, I will just say: DAMN I've missed my Rabbit.....!) Well, my "Bad Girl" calender told me that today was the day for taking yourself on a date, pampering, eating, and showering yourself with self-love. So I guess technically, that makes me a sex-on-the-first-date kinda person! Ah well, at least I'll still respect myself in the morning - good times! Had a lovely shower, went to bed feeling all soft, fluffy and sated and slept till my name changed to Rip Van Kat.
Late text from Shaun: "Have landed. Am lying on Venice Beach, soaking up the sun. What are you up to?"
Reply: "Sleeping in your bed with the electric blanket on, you little fucker."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, 18 January 2009
Update - Friday
Dear Diary,
Call me Ms. Inactive but again - barely anything happened. It really is very boring doing nothing. But then again it's so much effort to actually go DO things. I know, I make as much sense as a Shakesphere play.
We simply spent all day watching Shaun pack and prepare (and when I say that, I mean "hang around with his mates playing on the Playstation and eating take-away") for his aforementioned 6-months-around-the-world trip. Decided not to go to sleep as I knew it would be pointless - I get home from work at 1am on Fridays, and we had to leave for the airport at 4, might as well stay up. Hell, I did it countless times at uni - especially when I had work due in the next day (*cough*).
Work was fairly nondescript - apart from a rather sticky moment when one of my favourite punters turned nasty. Let's call him Pat. Pat comes in ALL the time, I have a Love-Hate thing with him - sometimes I love him cos he's genuinely funny and actually chats to me, and sometimes, after the 98th request to come clean his flat in a maid's outfit for £20 an hour (which he seems to believe is a reasonable request), I hate the arse off him. Anyway, we're chatting away, it's quite late, he's moved from Bitter to Vodka and telling me about his umpteenth holiday to Thailand. He goes there absolutely LOADS, no doubt feasting on £5 a pop hookers, where he is at least guaranteed to get laid. Ack..... IMAGES!!! Moving on..... We're talking about Bacon and Cabbage (which is apparently a national dish in Ireland), and end up having this exchange:
PAT: "You've NEVER HAD BACON AND CABBAGE??!"
KAT: "Well, not together, no. I don't even like cabbage."
PAT: "YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE CABBAGE????!"
KAT: "Well, no!"
TOM: "Euurgh, I see her point, it sounds disgusting...."
PAT: "You fucking WHAT??! I'm having it when I get home, it's better than sex!!"
KAT: (*quick as a flash*) "Well, you must've had some pretty bad shags in your time."
(*Dead Silence before Tom chokes on his pint laughing and has to run out)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! Oh my god, I still can't believe I came out with that!! This is me, who never EVER managed to master the fine art of comebacks, and never says stuff like that to people's faces. But DAMN it felt goooooooooood...... Pat just glared at me before following Tom into the toilet. I stood there going bright red with both embarrassment and joy at being praised by Tara and co. for such a quick reply. Pat eventually came out and looked me dead in the eye:
PAT: "We've had a talk, and after hearing you say that, I've decided you are a dickhead."
KAT: "And I've decided you are a fuckwit. Swings and roundabouts, really!"
Now, where else would you get away with that? God, I love pubs. Generations of pissheads getting the shit kicked out of them by feisty barmaids. This is BRILLIANT!! Why haven't I done this before?!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Call me Ms. Inactive but again - barely anything happened. It really is very boring doing nothing. But then again it's so much effort to actually go DO things. I know, I make as much sense as a Shakesphere play.
We simply spent all day watching Shaun pack and prepare (and when I say that, I mean "hang around with his mates playing on the Playstation and eating take-away") for his aforementioned 6-months-around-the-world trip. Decided not to go to sleep as I knew it would be pointless - I get home from work at 1am on Fridays, and we had to leave for the airport at 4, might as well stay up. Hell, I did it countless times at uni - especially when I had work due in the next day (*cough*).
Work was fairly nondescript - apart from a rather sticky moment when one of my favourite punters turned nasty. Let's call him Pat. Pat comes in ALL the time, I have a Love-Hate thing with him - sometimes I love him cos he's genuinely funny and actually chats to me, and sometimes, after the 98th request to come clean his flat in a maid's outfit for £20 an hour (which he seems to believe is a reasonable request), I hate the arse off him. Anyway, we're chatting away, it's quite late, he's moved from Bitter to Vodka and telling me about his umpteenth holiday to Thailand. He goes there absolutely LOADS, no doubt feasting on £5 a pop hookers, where he is at least guaranteed to get laid. Ack..... IMAGES!!! Moving on..... We're talking about Bacon and Cabbage (which is apparently a national dish in Ireland), and end up having this exchange:
PAT: "You've NEVER HAD BACON AND CABBAGE??!"
KAT: "Well, not together, no. I don't even like cabbage."
PAT: "YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE CABBAGE????!"
KAT: "Well, no!"
TOM: "Euurgh, I see her point, it sounds disgusting...."
PAT: "You fucking WHAT??! I'm having it when I get home, it's better than sex!!"
KAT: (*quick as a flash*) "Well, you must've had some pretty bad shags in your time."
(*Dead Silence before Tom chokes on his pint laughing and has to run out)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! Oh my god, I still can't believe I came out with that!! This is me, who never EVER managed to master the fine art of comebacks, and never says stuff like that to people's faces. But DAMN it felt goooooooooood...... Pat just glared at me before following Tom into the toilet. I stood there going bright red with both embarrassment and joy at being praised by Tara and co. for such a quick reply. Pat eventually came out and looked me dead in the eye:
PAT: "We've had a talk, and after hearing you say that, I've decided you are a dickhead."
KAT: "And I've decided you are a fuckwit. Swings and roundabouts, really!"
Now, where else would you get away with that? God, I love pubs. Generations of pissheads getting the shit kicked out of them by feisty barmaids. This is BRILLIANT!! Why haven't I done this before?!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Friday, 16 January 2009
Update - Wednesday and Thursday
Dear Diary,
..........so-called because both days were so mind-numbingly boring that they deserved to be recapped together. That is LITERALLY what I'm doing with my time these days. Do you know what I did? I worked at the pub both evenings.
Oh no, I tell a lie - on Thursday after the pub I got home to a little close family going-away party for Shaun (ie: we got a Chinese takeaway). Had a wicked time, especially Shaun himself who was chopping Wickeds like there was no tomorrow, and became so pissed he ended up giving me a hug, only to slump onto my shoulders and refuse to move for almost a minute of me repeatedly elbowing him in the groin. And this was before he and his mates even left the HOUSE. God, I'm gonna miss him.....
Back to the pub - I saw something very odd in the afternoon shift. A man, a regular who usually comes in alone, came in with his wife. Obviously thought that was lovely, until he ordered drinks for both of them (shouting over at her) and then sat down at the same table - about a METRE away from her. And they literally sat in silence for about half an hour, just sipping their drinks, with this enormous space between them. Now call me nosy, or presumptuous, but was that not a bit odd? I mean, why bring your wife out somewhere if all you're gonna do is ignore her?
It's like every other punter in there - all they do is slag off their other halves, grumble like an oncoming storm whenever they ring, lie about booking a taxi "right now" before having another 18 pints and stumbling home. Now I'm all in favour of men (or indeed, anyone) having some "alone time" but EVERY SINGLE NIGHT??! This is your WIFE, someone you PRESUMABLY married because you loved her. So if you hate her that much, if you are spending all your days and nights in the pub just to avoid her, who you married for better for worse, etc..... isn't that a LITTLE hint that maybe you shouldn't have got married in the first place???
Just a thought.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
..........so-called because both days were so mind-numbingly boring that they deserved to be recapped together. That is LITERALLY what I'm doing with my time these days. Do you know what I did? I worked at the pub both evenings.
Oh no, I tell a lie - on Thursday after the pub I got home to a little close family going-away party for Shaun (ie: we got a Chinese takeaway). Had a wicked time, especially Shaun himself who was chopping Wickeds like there was no tomorrow, and became so pissed he ended up giving me a hug, only to slump onto my shoulders and refuse to move for almost a minute of me repeatedly elbowing him in the groin. And this was before he and his mates even left the HOUSE. God, I'm gonna miss him.....
Back to the pub - I saw something very odd in the afternoon shift. A man, a regular who usually comes in alone, came in with his wife. Obviously thought that was lovely, until he ordered drinks for both of them (shouting over at her) and then sat down at the same table - about a METRE away from her. And they literally sat in silence for about half an hour, just sipping their drinks, with this enormous space between them. Now call me nosy, or presumptuous, but was that not a bit odd? I mean, why bring your wife out somewhere if all you're gonna do is ignore her?
It's like every other punter in there - all they do is slag off their other halves, grumble like an oncoming storm whenever they ring, lie about booking a taxi "right now" before having another 18 pints and stumbling home. Now I'm all in favour of men (or indeed, anyone) having some "alone time" but EVERY SINGLE NIGHT??! This is your WIFE, someone you PRESUMABLY married because you loved her. So if you hate her that much, if you are spending all your days and nights in the pub just to avoid her, who you married for better for worse, etc..... isn't that a LITTLE hint that maybe you shouldn't have got married in the first place???
Just a thought.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Update - Tuesday
Dear Diary,
Tuesday was fun - I did nothing but remember Monday night, get over my hangover by consuming aforementioned Subway and watching "I am Legend" ....... ooh, and go BELLY-DANCING!!! Used to go with Mum and her friends before I left for Uni, and last night made a last-minute educated decision to go back to it.
And man, I'm glad I did. Was fairly embarrassing at first, as I didn't know anyone else there, but Katy the class leader welcomed me back with open arms....... and an extra 50p added to the fee. Good times! Was only wearing a tshirt, joggers, and an Ebay-purchased Egyptian coin-covered belly dancing scarf/belt, which looked quite plain compared to everyone else's fantastic gypsy get-up.
But anyway, we got going, and oh my god, I'd forgotten how much I missed it! It's so wonderful!
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BELLY-DANCING:
Tuesday was fun - I did nothing but remember Monday night, get over my hangover by consuming aforementioned Subway and watching "I am Legend" ....... ooh, and go BELLY-DANCING!!! Used to go with Mum and her friends before I left for Uni, and last night made a last-minute educated decision to go back to it.
And man, I'm glad I did. Was fairly embarrassing at first, as I didn't know anyone else there, but Katy the class leader welcomed me back with open arms....... and an extra 50p added to the fee. Good times! Was only wearing a tshirt, joggers, and an Ebay-purchased Egyptian coin-covered belly dancing scarf/belt, which looked quite plain compared to everyone else's fantastic gypsy get-up.
But anyway, we got going, and oh my god, I'd forgotten how much I missed it! It's so wonderful!
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BELLY-DANCING:
- No-one cares what you are wearing, what size you are or what level you are at.
- All women together = fantastic, comradey, not-having-to-feel-self-concious, fun atmosphere.
- The music is absolutely outstanding - makes you want to strip off, change your nationility to Egyptian and shake your bad self till the sun comes up.
- It's not about technique, it's about what feels good for you. And DAMN, it does.
- I was one of the thinnest women there. Hallelujah! (OK, that sounded shallow as all hell)
- No matter what size, everyone looked sexy as hell
- Very hard to keep your mind on the moves sometimes - the mass shaking, shimmying and moving of hips going on around you is simply mesmerising
- All of your self-doubts, insecurity, worry and cynicism melts away for an hour and makes you feel like a sensual goddess. Best £4.50 I ever spent.
So yeah, definately going back. Anything to distract myself and stop having one-night stands all over the shop. AND is a fun evening activity, even if it's only once a week. Two New Year's Resolutions at once!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday, 15 January 2009
Update - Monday
Dear Diary,
Oh my god!! It's Thursday!! I have unknowingly gone FOUR DAYS without doing a blog! Well bugger me with radish on top. Where to begin? Except, obviously, with Monday- that would make sense.
MONDAY:
Well, crikey. Shocking news of the day: Anne texted me - it turns out she has a boyfriend. Now, I don't mean to sound like a total bitch, but when someone who looks like the bastard offspring of a goldfish and Ron Weasley gets a boyfriend, it really was enough to make me think I should just shoot myself now. Grrr.... And I know people may be thinking "Well, Kat, there's probably a reason other people get the boyfriends instead of you - because you say such shallow and horrible things like that yourself."
Now let me clear something up - I am only a tiny bit shallow, (because, let's face it, who isn't? Don't lie, we all are) and I don't for a second believe that "attractiveness" should be the majorly defining aspect of someone. It's the simple fact that Anne is just NOT THAT NICE A PERSON. I'm sure in her own weird way she's sometimes alright, but whenever we hang out, there's always at least 5 instances where she will criticise me, talk down to me, sneer at me, or slip an oh-so-subtle snide aside into a conversation. And she desn't even joke with it. The fact is, we've known each other since we were five, and she (and her parents) were always so convinced that she was a better person than me - she was a carnival queen while I was climbing trees, she did ballet while I did gymnastics, she studied Maths while I studied Drama. It's the kind of condescending shite that makes me sick, I HATE people looking down on other people (especially when it happens to me) and judging people by who they are and what they do with their lives, there is nothing worse. And there is no excuse for it. And that is why I'm astounded that she has a boyfriend.
Moving on - Off to usual Monday night shenanigans (ie: pub). Marie and Sue seem to have realised just how incredibly far down my throat they pushed their boyfriends last week, as they hardly uttered a squeak about them this time around. Can't pretend it wasn't extremely nice NOT to hear about them for 4 solid hours.
Trouble is, "Yes Man" got me into trouble. Well, not REAL trouble, only a Grade-D kind of trouble (I think you can see where this is going.....) We were innocently stood by the Pool table, me chopping cider and dancing to "Bodyrock," when we were approached by a guy who'd been in for a while. WITH A SCOUSE ACCENT. Naturally I kept making him talk, just so I could listen to that fantastically familiar twang. Oh god, I've missed it. Anyway.......
THAT NIGHT I SAID "YES" AND CONSEQUENTLY:
Played about 6 games of Pool against "Gaz" (and lost almost every one)
Bought him a drink (because he was the winner)
Bought Marie and Sue drinks (the advantage-taking bastards)
Smoked a cigarette (I know, I know. At least I didn't inhale)
Downed almost an entire PINT in one go (Something, strangely I never learnt to do at uni)
Took up Gaz's offer to carry on drinking at his (Yes, yes, I'm awful.....)
Walked all the way up to frigging ASDA to buy Doritos and Sausage rolls
Played drinking games till 2am with a relative stranger
I know, there should probably be limits to this "Yes" thing, but dammit, you're only young once, and these are the crazy memories I'll be looking back on and laughing my arse off at on my deathbed! So, anyway, after the drinking games we sat watching the "Promise" video on TMF, munching our sausage rolls (*feel free to insert a massively innapropriate innuendo here*) and debating how actually ridiculously gorgeous Cheryl Cole is, and which 5 same-sex celebrities we'd sleep with if we absolutely had to. Just for the record, mine are:
Cheryl Cole (Enough said. And I'm a sucker for an accent)
Shakira (Sexy Columbian-ness)
Erin Daniels (Model-gorgeous and funny as hell to boot)
Pam Grier (Absolute BAD-ASS)
Keira Knightley (Again, the accent. But only if she ate a damn doughnut once in a while)
Looking at them, I wouldn't even really HAVE TO. I just WOULD. But I'm digressing.....
So, after the munching and the debating, things kind of..... took a natural course from there. Well, I mean, it TRIED to, except for the fact that drink was once again about to play it's cruel and ill-timed trick on my new friend, as it took several HOURS to get the British flag flying, let alone to reach it's natural conclusion (yeah OK, I couldn't think of any flag-related metaphors for "ejaculating"). But eventually it did, so all was well! Wasn't really much to be said about the experience really, he was very quiet, not bad, but not fantastic. And I was thinking of David almost the whole time. Sigh. He said I was "gorgeous" - although Christ knows how, as all the lights were out - we chatted some more and fell asleep.
Woke up the next morning and tried to do it again, well, after a lot of "I'm so hungover" moaning. He seemed particularly worried about anything "rocking" and people "hearing." Eh? Didn't matter anyway, as he once again couldn't finish. What the hell was he DRINKING last night?! Before this could sink in, however, there was a knock at the door, it was his mates wanting a chat. So being the nosy numpty I am, I put my glasses and my ears on, had a good old eavesdrop, and this is what I found out:
YOU SHOULD NEVER GO HOME WITH SOMEONE IF:
He was a fucking JAILBIRD!! OK, he's never been inside apparently, but still..... Needless to say, he never told me ANYTHING about the last four. And even MORE needless to say, I set a World Record time for getting my clothes on and getting the fuck out of a place. Oh, he was all lovely and asked for my number etc.... and swore he was never violent on those occasions, just being a bit of a dick. Hmmmm. Strange really, as he seemed so nice. It goes to show you never can tell..... (as that fantastic song once proclaimed)
Eventually said goodbye and walked out the worksite, ignoring the stares and pretending I knew where I was going. I literally ran when I reached the main road - not because I was scared or anything, just because I was a little embarrassed and ashamed, but also because I had done something, which thinking about it, was quite daft and reckless - and I just felt like laughing madly. And it felt good on the hangover, well, until I stopped, anyway. Ended up walking ALL the way up the literally never-ending road in the rain, which, again, felt good. Since when did I become such an indie-film poster-child? Jeez. I can only hope I was staring soulfully into the distance to complete the look..... Caught a bus back home, stopping off at Subway to buy my traditional pepperoni, cheese, chicken and mayonaise foot-long (aka: The Heart-Attack-In-Sandwich-Form) crisps, diet coke, 3 cookies, and a "Can you tell I have a hangover?" hat.
Strangely, he did text me later, but never replied to my reply. And hasn't since. I'm not really surprised, and to be honest, I'm not that bothered anyway. Plus, I suppose your phone gets confiscated in jail, anyway.
I'm a crazy fool, I know. But really, what else should I do with my days?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: tired - for a change
Current Music: An "L Word Season 6 Promo" EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! So excited, it's only a few weeks away. Turns out Jenny does die. Thank fuck for that!
Oh my god!! It's Thursday!! I have unknowingly gone FOUR DAYS without doing a blog! Well bugger me with radish on top. Where to begin? Except, obviously, with Monday- that would make sense.
MONDAY:
Well, crikey. Shocking news of the day: Anne texted me - it turns out she has a boyfriend. Now, I don't mean to sound like a total bitch, but when someone who looks like the bastard offspring of a goldfish and Ron Weasley gets a boyfriend, it really was enough to make me think I should just shoot myself now. Grrr.... And I know people may be thinking "Well, Kat, there's probably a reason other people get the boyfriends instead of you - because you say such shallow and horrible things like that yourself."
Now let me clear something up - I am only a tiny bit shallow, (because, let's face it, who isn't? Don't lie, we all are) and I don't for a second believe that "attractiveness" should be the majorly defining aspect of someone. It's the simple fact that Anne is just NOT THAT NICE A PERSON. I'm sure in her own weird way she's sometimes alright, but whenever we hang out, there's always at least 5 instances where she will criticise me, talk down to me, sneer at me, or slip an oh-so-subtle snide aside into a conversation. And she desn't even joke with it. The fact is, we've known each other since we were five, and she (and her parents) were always so convinced that she was a better person than me - she was a carnival queen while I was climbing trees, she did ballet while I did gymnastics, she studied Maths while I studied Drama. It's the kind of condescending shite that makes me sick, I HATE people looking down on other people (especially when it happens to me) and judging people by who they are and what they do with their lives, there is nothing worse. And there is no excuse for it. And that is why I'm astounded that she has a boyfriend.
Moving on - Off to usual Monday night shenanigans (ie: pub). Marie and Sue seem to have realised just how incredibly far down my throat they pushed their boyfriends last week, as they hardly uttered a squeak about them this time around. Can't pretend it wasn't extremely nice NOT to hear about them for 4 solid hours.
Trouble is, "Yes Man" got me into trouble. Well, not REAL trouble, only a Grade-D kind of trouble (I think you can see where this is going.....) We were innocently stood by the Pool table, me chopping cider and dancing to "Bodyrock," when we were approached by a guy who'd been in for a while. WITH A SCOUSE ACCENT. Naturally I kept making him talk, just so I could listen to that fantastically familiar twang. Oh god, I've missed it. Anyway.......
THAT NIGHT I SAID "YES" AND CONSEQUENTLY:
Played about 6 games of Pool against "Gaz" (and lost almost every one)
Bought him a drink (because he was the winner)
Bought Marie and Sue drinks (the advantage-taking bastards)
Smoked a cigarette (I know, I know. At least I didn't inhale)
Downed almost an entire PINT in one go (Something, strangely I never learnt to do at uni)
Took up Gaz's offer to carry on drinking at his (Yes, yes, I'm awful.....)
Walked all the way up to frigging ASDA to buy Doritos and Sausage rolls
Played drinking games till 2am with a relative stranger
I know, there should probably be limits to this "Yes" thing, but dammit, you're only young once, and these are the crazy memories I'll be looking back on and laughing my arse off at on my deathbed! So, anyway, after the drinking games we sat watching the "Promise" video on TMF, munching our sausage rolls (*feel free to insert a massively innapropriate innuendo here*) and debating how actually ridiculously gorgeous Cheryl Cole is, and which 5 same-sex celebrities we'd sleep with if we absolutely had to. Just for the record, mine are:
Cheryl Cole (Enough said. And I'm a sucker for an accent)
Shakira (Sexy Columbian-ness)
Erin Daniels (Model-gorgeous and funny as hell to boot)
Pam Grier (Absolute BAD-ASS)
Keira Knightley (Again, the accent. But only if she ate a damn doughnut once in a while)
Looking at them, I wouldn't even really HAVE TO. I just WOULD. But I'm digressing.....
So, after the munching and the debating, things kind of..... took a natural course from there. Well, I mean, it TRIED to, except for the fact that drink was once again about to play it's cruel and ill-timed trick on my new friend, as it took several HOURS to get the British flag flying, let alone to reach it's natural conclusion (yeah OK, I couldn't think of any flag-related metaphors for "ejaculating"). But eventually it did, so all was well! Wasn't really much to be said about the experience really, he was very quiet, not bad, but not fantastic. And I was thinking of David almost the whole time. Sigh. He said I was "gorgeous" - although Christ knows how, as all the lights were out - we chatted some more and fell asleep.
Woke up the next morning and tried to do it again, well, after a lot of "I'm so hungover" moaning. He seemed particularly worried about anything "rocking" and people "hearing." Eh? Didn't matter anyway, as he once again couldn't finish. What the hell was he DRINKING last night?! Before this could sink in, however, there was a knock at the door, it was his mates wanting a chat. So being the nosy numpty I am, I put my glasses and my ears on, had a good old eavesdrop, and this is what I found out:
YOU SHOULD NEVER GO HOME WITH SOMEONE IF:
- They live in a CARAVAN. Which is situated ON THEIR WORKSITE.
- They don't even have a TOILET in their caravan, but use the communal one.
- You are so drunk, you didn't even register that you were in a caravan, or indeed a workyard, to begin with.
- Your paramour was chucked out of a pub before coming to yours.
- Said paramour is due in court on Friday, charged with "D+D" (being Drunk and Disorderly)
- It is not the first time this has happened.
- It has happened so often, he knows the police term ("D+D") for his charge.
He was a fucking JAILBIRD!! OK, he's never been inside apparently, but still..... Needless to say, he never told me ANYTHING about the last four. And even MORE needless to say, I set a World Record time for getting my clothes on and getting the fuck out of a place. Oh, he was all lovely and asked for my number etc.... and swore he was never violent on those occasions, just being a bit of a dick. Hmmmm. Strange really, as he seemed so nice. It goes to show you never can tell..... (as that fantastic song once proclaimed)
Eventually said goodbye and walked out the worksite, ignoring the stares and pretending I knew where I was going. I literally ran when I reached the main road - not because I was scared or anything, just because I was a little embarrassed and ashamed, but also because I had done something, which thinking about it, was quite daft and reckless - and I just felt like laughing madly. And it felt good on the hangover, well, until I stopped, anyway. Ended up walking ALL the way up the literally never-ending road in the rain, which, again, felt good. Since when did I become such an indie-film poster-child? Jeez. I can only hope I was staring soulfully into the distance to complete the look..... Caught a bus back home, stopping off at Subway to buy my traditional pepperoni, cheese, chicken and mayonaise foot-long (aka: The Heart-Attack-In-Sandwich-Form) crisps, diet coke, 3 cookies, and a "Can you tell I have a hangover?" hat.
Strangely, he did text me later, but never replied to my reply. And hasn't since. I'm not really surprised, and to be honest, I'm not that bothered anyway. Plus, I suppose your phone gets confiscated in jail, anyway.
I'm a crazy fool, I know. But really, what else should I do with my days?
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Current Mood: tired - for a change
Current Music: An "L Word Season 6 Promo" EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! So excited, it's only a few weeks away. Turns out Jenny does die. Thank fuck for that!
Sunday, 11 January 2009
Party revelations
Dear Diary,
Bloody hell. I've just read last night's (or should I say this morning's) entry. Jesus. Had no idea I was full of such...... oh my god, I don't even know the word! Blimey. Kind of weirdly impressed that I was able to type not only so much but with only a few spelling mistakes whilst being so well and truly out of my tree. Ah well, they say everyone has a hidden talent, guess I've discovered mine!
Last night was OK. Arrived about 8 oclock - the place was full of kids about 14-19 and adults from 50 upwards. Needless to say, found it quite awkward to figure out who to stand with or talk to. I knew some of Shaun's mates, but since they were hanging around all the "pretty" (ie: wearing INCREDULOUS amounts of eye make-up) girls and trying to get laid, it wasn't that much fun chatting to them, really. Ah well, proceeded to get ridiculously drunk anyway. Had to calm Mum down every one of the 19 times she started crying - at the prospect of Shaun leaving, when he and James brought her (and James' mum) some flowers and chocolates, when a Leona Lewis song came on in the car on the way home, when the Chinese flying lanterns she'd bought were released...... (Although, in all fairness, I think she was crying cos she'd paid £15 for those useless bastards and they failed to launch)
Anyway, not much to be told about the evening really. Got stupidly excited when Shaun's mate Dan flirted with me - even though he's 19 and flirts with anything that isn't man, child, or animal. A lot of people complimented my outfit - a black and beige flower-patterned silky dress, leggins, multiple black and brown accesories, my new killer boots and a Cheryl Cole-esque gold thread headband in my hair. Oh, and contact lenses. I know, I'm such a sucker for dressing up.
Well, after much dancing and arranging to meet Dan in a few weeks to show him "where the best drinking places are" (he's at uni in Liverpool) we left. I'm pretty sure you can deduce from my last entry what happened when I got home - basically I couldn't get to sleep at all, so went on the laptop to try and tire myself out. Which it didn't, I just sat there with my body going into extreme spasms every now and then, which was pretty damn scary.
Ended up ranting about a few things, it would seem. Things I've half been ignoring, half been pondering for quite a while. Maybe I'm exagerrating, maybe I'm being melodramatic, maybe being drunk just made it all worse. I guess I'm just going to sit it out and see what happens, and deal with it when (if) it does. Oh and on a side note..... Lisa: Thank You.
Onto happier topics, also ended up having a very long, very frank Facebook-chat conversation with David, who you may or may not remember as being my "rebound" (as vulgar as it sounds) shag after Aaron. The second (and loveliest) guy I ever slept with. Who you may also remember as being extremely good. (I certainly do).
Conversation basically went as follows:
Bloody hell. I've just read last night's (or should I say this morning's) entry. Jesus. Had no idea I was full of such...... oh my god, I don't even know the word! Blimey. Kind of weirdly impressed that I was able to type not only so much but with only a few spelling mistakes whilst being so well and truly out of my tree. Ah well, they say everyone has a hidden talent, guess I've discovered mine!
Last night was OK. Arrived about 8 oclock - the place was full of kids about 14-19 and adults from 50 upwards. Needless to say, found it quite awkward to figure out who to stand with or talk to. I knew some of Shaun's mates, but since they were hanging around all the "pretty" (ie: wearing INCREDULOUS amounts of eye make-up) girls and trying to get laid, it wasn't that much fun chatting to them, really. Ah well, proceeded to get ridiculously drunk anyway. Had to calm Mum down every one of the 19 times she started crying - at the prospect of Shaun leaving, when he and James brought her (and James' mum) some flowers and chocolates, when a Leona Lewis song came on in the car on the way home, when the Chinese flying lanterns she'd bought were released...... (Although, in all fairness, I think she was crying cos she'd paid £15 for those useless bastards and they failed to launch)
Anyway, not much to be told about the evening really. Got stupidly excited when Shaun's mate Dan flirted with me - even though he's 19 and flirts with anything that isn't man, child, or animal. A lot of people complimented my outfit - a black and beige flower-patterned silky dress, leggins, multiple black and brown accesories, my new killer boots and a Cheryl Cole-esque gold thread headband in my hair. Oh, and contact lenses. I know, I'm such a sucker for dressing up.
Well, after much dancing and arranging to meet Dan in a few weeks to show him "where the best drinking places are" (he's at uni in Liverpool) we left. I'm pretty sure you can deduce from my last entry what happened when I got home - basically I couldn't get to sleep at all, so went on the laptop to try and tire myself out. Which it didn't, I just sat there with my body going into extreme spasms every now and then, which was pretty damn scary.
Ended up ranting about a few things, it would seem. Things I've half been ignoring, half been pondering for quite a while. Maybe I'm exagerrating, maybe I'm being melodramatic, maybe being drunk just made it all worse. I guess I'm just going to sit it out and see what happens, and deal with it when (if) it does. Oh and on a side note..... Lisa: Thank You.
Onto happier topics, also ended up having a very long, very frank Facebook-chat conversation with David, who you may or may not remember as being my "rebound" (as vulgar as it sounds) shag after Aaron. The second (and loveliest) guy I ever slept with. Who you may also remember as being extremely good. (I certainly do).
Conversation basically went as follows:
- In my pissed state I decided to say a friendly hello, he responds, and we're off. Nattering about nothing. We discuss Liverpool, our course, what's been happening since I left, and mutual disdain for one of the lecturers, who apparently he recently challenged in front of the whole class. Sweet.
- I ask how he is. His reply: "To be honest, horny as fuck." Naturally, reminiscing begins. He reveals I was the last person he slept with, which, for some reason, made me smile (On a side note, it's been 8 months since he had sex?? Gosh. He must have balls the size of pumpkins)
- Out of nowhere, he starts telling me exactly what I was doing wrong last time we had sex, how me talking all the way through was slightly off-putting (as it didn't exactly suggest I was in the moment), as was fore-warning him about my odd boobs and alcohol-breath. I launch a blistering counter-attack about how it was because I was not only wasted, but also nervous, being that he was the first guy I was sleeping with since Aaron.
- He reveals that he knew I was nervous, and always had an inkling that I kinda liked him, as I used to sometimes fluff my words and go red around him. (*Groan*) But then he said that I was "adorable," funny, and really lovely to wake up next to. And that he was really comfortable around me, which he finds rare in a woman. Aaaaw. Then he starts telling me how I'm attractive, lovely, have "great tits" etc... etc.... and that I shouldn't put myself down, because men would be lucky to have me. God knows what brought on all this therapy.... I must've REALLY left a bad impression last time (*smacks head*) So I tell a massive lie and say I'm completely over being insecure, and don't do that anymore.
- Somehow, I reassure him that my constant nattering was NOT because I was having a bad time. We reminisce some more, and out of nowhere, he brings up exactly what he would do to me if I was there - I reciprocate, and suddenly we're having cyber-sex. Quite difficult, as I really have NO idea exactly how you're supposed to word those things. David obviously does, he writes in a way that put erotic novelists to shame, and made me start shaking everywhere (although that COULD have been the cider-spasms I was experiencing) Will obviously not go into details, but lets just say I've been getting all tingly whenever I've remembered his words - almost a DAY later. Tasty.
- He asks if I've ever had a threesome - I tell him about the two lads. He reveals how he's always wanted one with 2 women, and recommends a friend. I stipulate that she must NOT be thinner than me before I will think about it. So he starts planning exactly how we'd meet up, what would happen, and he's off again. I have to say, it did all sound quite exciting!
- We keep saying it's late and we need to go to bed, but continue talking anyway. He tells me there may be a house party at his coming up, which I'm very welcome to attend. And before I can even cackle with glee at such a thinly-veiled subtext, he comes out with "And after, maybe we could have sex just for the nostalgia factor". Well, at least he's honest. Maybe I should try and withhold, just to see him squirm....... "Accidentally" get into his bed in my underwear, but then; "Oh no, I can't sorry, I've just got a BITCH of a headache!" Having said that, the urgency he was talking with, I'm fairly sure he wouldn't even stop to listen before pushing me onto my back, haha.
- He asks me if I still have the same number as last year, because if not, he's in trouble. What could he mean? This becomes clear as I switch on my phone and receive a photo. Sweet baby Moses and all the saints. I'd forgotten how magnificent it was. It is literally the perfect cock. Being a lady, I reciprocate with my left boob (what an odd sentence!). Slightly sticky moment when Dad pokes his head in on the way to the loo - to see me sat at my laptop, clutching my PJ top together. I'm fairly sure it didn't register in his brain what was going on. I really hope not, anyway......
- We talk even more, and eventually decide to go to sleep - after I look at the clock and nearly have a seizure at discovering that it's half 6 IN THE MORNING. Not before he tells me how much he wishes I was there right now, and how we'd most likely be waking the whole house up. (And despite all those men who've made those kind of fevered promises but never lived up to them, I actually believed him) My god, I've met someone with a sexual appetite to match mine! I'd BETTER get the chance to sleep with him again - especially now I know what NOT to do - this could be DYNAMITE!!
So yeah. Spent all day in a dreamy haze, thinking about scenarios involving him. Yes, I'm ridiculous, I know. That's the trouble with me, once an idea is implanted in my head, that's it - I'll be doing nothing but imagining things for weeks - planning what I'm going to say and what I'll wear to this party, and exactly how many condoms I'll have in my purse..... When in fact, the most likely thing that will happen is that the party won't end up taking place due to everyone being "too busy working," I'll have no excuse to go over to Liverpool, and will once again get blown off. And not even in a good way. And I'll have missed my chance to have new-and-improved sex with probably the best guy I've ever woken up next to. CURSES!!!
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Current Mood: cold but smiley
Current Music: "Macarena" - Los del Rios
Saturday, 10 January 2009
meh......
Dear dairy,
Two things I am feeling in my 4am-im-so-drunk-im-uncontrollably-shaking state:
POINT 1: I fucking love David. Seriously. Just been talking to him for the first time in ages for the past 2 hours, and despite him giving me sex advice and telling me exactly how to be in bed and real life, I still would. ANd I think I just told him that. Ooooooooooops. But he was telling me how horny he was, we haven't spoken in about a year, one thing led to another..... DAMN. He still knows how to oil my engine. He has all the maturity and experience of a 28 year-old, but all the finesse and sexuality of a......... STALLION!!! Fcuking love him. Not to mention EVERY time we talk on Facebook, it always either descendds into a disccussion of sex, moaning about how long its been since we had sex, remembering the last time WE had sex, or having cyber-sex. Whatta man.
(PS: Found out the truthe - I WAS the last person he had sex with! Fucking RIGHT!!!)
He's bascially just told me that as well as being good-looking (eh?!), funny and good in bed, I'm also incredibly sweet, and he's a "sucker for a sweetie". Awwwww! And then he said that if I were there and we were discussing this over a beer, he'd be trying to get into my pants right now. And you know what? I was wildly flattered.
POINT 2: If people really don't want to hang out and be married anymore, and seemingly have no love left for each other, why the fucking hellfire don't they divorce, instead of staying together and BICKERING ALL THE GODDAMN TIME??! It makes sense, no? Instead of sitting on separate sofas, watching TV in separate rooms, slagging each other off "jokingly" to their mutual friends, never seeming to share a single SHRED of affection and argueing over the tiniest stupid things. And for the record - referring to your wife's moods as "the time of the month" is ridiculously juvenile, surely no-one has believed that excuse since the 90's??! And telling your daughter about her mother, etc..... is just WRONG. You want me to be on your side? Fine. Just don't talk about my Mum like she is some invading Russian army, who's every word and whim must be followed, for fear of execution. Fucking grow a pair - if you don't LIKE let alone LOVE each other anymore, than file for divorce, rather than living in boredom and unhappiness. There I said it.
I'm beginning to think that all the getting along and happiness and relative calm during Christmas was just for that - Christmas. Because we're all supposed to "be happy" and get along at Christmas. And I'm beginning to get the impression that it was all just for the holidays. And that makes me sad to think about. Because im conflicted - I dont want Mum and Dad to be living a lie if it makes them unhappyy, but I don't want the family home and our routine to go (even if it bores me senseless). I'm just so fed up off not being able to stay in a room long enough when they're both there, for fear that Mum will find something to snipe at Dad about, or Dad will find something to aggravatge Mum about. I give in. I just can't wait till both Shaun and I are moved out, because if that's all they were staying together for, they can finally give it up.
And it makes me feel really REALLY weird that I just typed all that at the same time as having cyber sex with David on Facebook. Strongbow, eh?
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PS: How the frig did I type so much? I can barely focus!!!
PPS: Still talking to David, and it's now actually officially 6am. Christ almighty.
PPPS: I now have a photo of David's knob-on. And he's gonna try arrange a Male-Female-Female threesome. Or at least a house party that he is inviting me too. Where the inevitable will happen. Oh my sweet lord. I love the man.
Two things I am feeling in my 4am-im-so-drunk-im-uncontrollably-shaking state:
POINT 1: I fucking love David. Seriously. Just been talking to him for the first time in ages for the past 2 hours, and despite him giving me sex advice and telling me exactly how to be in bed and real life, I still would. ANd I think I just told him that. Ooooooooooops. But he was telling me how horny he was, we haven't spoken in about a year, one thing led to another..... DAMN. He still knows how to oil my engine. He has all the maturity and experience of a 28 year-old, but all the finesse and sexuality of a......... STALLION!!! Fcuking love him. Not to mention EVERY time we talk on Facebook, it always either descendds into a disccussion of sex, moaning about how long its been since we had sex, remembering the last time WE had sex, or having cyber-sex. Whatta man.
(PS: Found out the truthe - I WAS the last person he had sex with! Fucking RIGHT!!!)
He's bascially just told me that as well as being good-looking (eh?!), funny and good in bed, I'm also incredibly sweet, and he's a "sucker for a sweetie". Awwwww! And then he said that if I were there and we were discussing this over a beer, he'd be trying to get into my pants right now. And you know what? I was wildly flattered.
POINT 2: If people really don't want to hang out and be married anymore, and seemingly have no love left for each other, why the fucking hellfire don't they divorce, instead of staying together and BICKERING ALL THE GODDAMN TIME??! It makes sense, no? Instead of sitting on separate sofas, watching TV in separate rooms, slagging each other off "jokingly" to their mutual friends, never seeming to share a single SHRED of affection and argueing over the tiniest stupid things. And for the record - referring to your wife's moods as "the time of the month" is ridiculously juvenile, surely no-one has believed that excuse since the 90's??! And telling your daughter about her mother, etc..... is just WRONG. You want me to be on your side? Fine. Just don't talk about my Mum like she is some invading Russian army, who's every word and whim must be followed, for fear of execution. Fucking grow a pair - if you don't LIKE let alone LOVE each other anymore, than file for divorce, rather than living in boredom and unhappiness. There I said it.
I'm beginning to think that all the getting along and happiness and relative calm during Christmas was just for that - Christmas. Because we're all supposed to "be happy" and get along at Christmas. And I'm beginning to get the impression that it was all just for the holidays. And that makes me sad to think about. Because im conflicted - I dont want Mum and Dad to be living a lie if it makes them unhappyy, but I don't want the family home and our routine to go (even if it bores me senseless). I'm just so fed up off not being able to stay in a room long enough when they're both there, for fear that Mum will find something to snipe at Dad about, or Dad will find something to aggravatge Mum about. I give in. I just can't wait till both Shaun and I are moved out, because if that's all they were staying together for, they can finally give it up.
And it makes me feel really REALLY weird that I just typed all that at the same time as having cyber sex with David on Facebook. Strongbow, eh?
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PS: How the frig did I type so much? I can barely focus!!!
PPS: Still talking to David, and it's now actually officially 6am. Christ almighty.
PPPS: I now have a photo of David's knob-on. And he's gonna try arrange a Male-Female-Female threesome. Or at least a house party that he is inviting me too. Where the inevitable will happen. Oh my sweet lord. I love the man.