All you need is Love...... Eggs

Dear Diary,

Boring old day today. Mum took complete advantage of my saying Yes to everything to make me clear out my wardrobe, which, I insisted, was merely in a state of "organised chaos" - ie: I knew exactly where everything was, despite messy appearance. Well, three hours of 80's music later, my room resembled a bomb site, and I now have two piles of clothes to give/throw away. Good times. Found about 5 hidden vibrators as well, which were SUPPOSED to be in my suitcase, in the loft. Oooops.

Work at the pub was pretty quiet, being it post-Christmas and all. Found something to shake it up a little, though.


KAT'S GUIDE TO WEARING LOVE EGGS AT WORK:

DO NOT:

Sneeze. Resist the urge, squash it, and make sure it doesn't happen. Because if it DOES happen whilst the eggs are in, you have a potential escape situation. And for the love of GOD don't sneeze whilst sat down. I will just say one word: Ouch.

Sit down. Or if you must, do it SLOWLY.

Go to the toilet. Have no idea whether it's safe or indeed possible, but cannot shake off the disturbing image of losing them down the loo and having to explain to the Landlady/Plumber.

Tell anyone. Being of an extremely talkative and divulgatory nature with anyone from strangers to friends, it's often quite hard for me not to spill the beans (as it were).

DO:

Find excuses to walk/jog/bounce around a little. It's fun.

Feel proud at the incredible good they're doing your Kegel/Pelvic Floor muscles

Forget they're there every now and then. And then be deliciously reminded whenever you move.

Wash them after removal - basic hygeine/common sense.

Have a safe hiding place for them - the packaging is pretty hard to explain away......

Enjoy yourself! It's a sweet sensation, enhanced completely by the fact that NOBODY KNOWS YOUR SECRET - how much better could it get??


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: "Love in the first degree" - Bananarama