Yes and No

Dear Diary,

So it turns out Marie didn't want to bitch about her fella after all. On the contrary. She was as smug as a meglomaniac woman who had just got married to a man who just got promoted to President. OF THE WORLD. Arrived at hers after begging requests to come round earlier than usual - prepared for the usual onslaught of "I hate men, they're such PRICKS!!" themed wails - only to be confronted by an impossibly happy and smiling face. Hmmmm.... Looks like he's done something right for once. Settled in front of Corrie with a fine-arse Prawn Korma and Vodka and Cokes, waiting, just WAITING, for the subtle comment, snarl at the mention of blokes, or scowling face. But scowling face came there none. No, instead I was faced with the constant chirrup of her beeping phone, her coy little giggles and flutters, and little "We are both in on a secret" glances shooting between her and Sue. Just because they both have boyfriends.

Now let me just pause to stress something - I have no problem with couples. They annoy me particularly when I'm not IN one, but hey, I'm human. I have no problem with people being in couples, it is without a doubt an amazing, magical thing, which obviously people want to partake in, and I realise how exciting it can be when someone wants to be with you THAT much. What finer feeling could there be? But if there is one thing I hate more than ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD, it is smug halves of couples. You know the ones. They smirk everytime they receive a Boyfriend Text, they gaze off into the distance and giggle mid-conversation, they constantly feel they need to tell you how wonderful their paramours are, and how they have no complaints about the size of their meat-and-two-veg. I FUCKING HATE THOSE PEOPLE. Is it really too much to ask that you put a fucking lid on it for one goddamn night??! NO!! NO IT FUCKING ISN'T!!!!

And before anyone attempts to call me on this - I would like to stress that not ONCE in all 3 months of being with Aaron did I go round telling people about him. Yes, I would occasionally make comments about how I was now a normal functioning member of the human race and tell the occasional humorous anecdote. But not once did I refer to the size of his dong, tell people how good he was in bed, giggle smugly everytime he textes, or tell particular anecdotes about how he kissed me roughly against a wall on New Year's Eve. (Mainly cos on New Year's Eve he had got naked, fellated a kitchen roll-holder, thrown up on himself and passed out before midnight even struck) You know why? Because that's private.

The way I see it, that kind of relationship between two people is so personal, like a little world. If you want to share the details, fine, go ahead. But sometimes, I reckon there should be limits. I would never tell my mates how hot it was the other night when my Sex Machine reached orgasm on my chest. (Would like to stress: that never happened with me and Aaron) Because I know that when you're single, the most painfully annoying thing that other people can do is talk about their partners, and tell you every last detail, from the vomit-inducingly adorable, to the jealousy-inducingly sexual. From October to February I kept my mouth shut out of respect for others, and my relationship. Now call me uptight, but why the frig can't other people do the same???!

Ahem. Anyway.

Well, you can guess from that little tirade what Marie and Sue did, pretty much ALL night. Before I'd even finished my first pint I was ready to contemplate drowning myself in it, just to block out the sound of Sue's wittering and Marie's girlish-ly irritating giggles and reminisces. And do you think I'm exaggerrating? Let me tell you - this conversation went on for nearly 2 HOURS. They compared notes, talked about romantic gestures, how much their lads have "changed," how good they are in bed, how they get on with their parents, I could go on. 2 hours I sat in near silence, with absolutely fuck-all to contribute to the conversation except the occasional half-smile and (seemingly) knowing nod. Am I over-reacting here.......?

Aaaaaaaaanyway. At least Marie apologised for treating me like such an almighty piece of shit at the New Year's party. Could tell she didn't mean it whatsoever though, as every time I reminded her of how she kept inconsiderately tongue-wrestling her man right next to me, she continued to just giggle like an imbecile. Bitch.

Went out with Lisa again tonight - just got back, in fact. Went for a Mexican and a film - "Yes Man" would you believe? Absolutely LOVED it, Jim Carrey was brilliant, commed d'habitude, and although it was COMPLETELY different from the book, it still made us laugh ourselves silly. Although I felt so full after said Mexican, that had we not driven Lisa's car about 200 yards across the road to the cinema, I'd have had to be ROLLED across. And have eaten so many cinema sweets, I feel impending danger of a heart attack. Having said that, my heartbeat is alarmingly fast at the moment. Eeek......

TODAY I SAID "YES" AND CONSEQUENTLY HAVE:

Watched Dial-A-Babe channel and made amusing comments (Blame Sue)
Been shopping again and bought a Bad Girl calender. (With an activity for everyday. Nice!)
Learned how to play "Guitar Hero" (Result!)
Tried Chilli Poppers (Jalepeno wrapped in cheese and breadcrumbs. Surprisingly nice!)

This is fun! Got nothing on but work tomorrow but plan to leave the house and find things to say Yes to!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS: Jim Carrey. Is it wrong that I SO WOULD?!

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Current Music: Shaun murdering his friends on "Call of Duty"