Indecent Proposal

Dear Diary,

And so, onto today. Today was a strange old day. Woke up to 2 texts, one from Marie, saying she can't make our usual Monday night shindig, so could she come over after uni instead, as she needed to talk to me? Intrigueing. Got a slightly less enigmatic text from Kyle, sent around 2am:

"Think I've found someone for our 3some! Oh my actual GOD!"

Wha.....?? Naturally, was very confused, as I had assumed that the message sent on Tuesday had simply been a joke, his kitschy Kyle-style way of getting me to come over for a night out. I had replied: "Well that's ONE way to get my attention! Who with?" as a joke, but when he'd replied saying he'd find someone, I didn't really believe him. Why would I?

But lo and behold, I got that text this morning. So I played along, asking who it was, looking at the photo he sent me (it's a work colleague apparently, and DAMN, he's good-looking) until he actually starts planning the night out. At that point, I was like "God, I didn't realise you were actually SERIOUS!" His reply, rather strangely, was "Aww, I was looking forward to that!" OK, sleeping with his sexy colleague, I can understand, but has he not understood that this means he'll see me naked? Hmmm...... Although, I love how he implies that it would'vebeen a fun little treat to anticipate, as if it was totally normal. "Yeah, what you up to this weekend? Me? Oh, I'm having some mates over for a little weekend three-way, you know how it is!"

Now, as it stands, I'm very confused about this - which I'll get onto in a minute. For the time being, I numbly said I was free next weekend, and we could do it then. For many reasons:

a) I'll have saved up enough money by then to transport me over to the Pool, and get me sufficiently intoxicated for such an experience
b) They always say you get a closer shave after it's been left a while. Sorry to be frank.
c) I'll have chance to go to the gym shit-loads and get back on The Diet - therefore hopefully lose a stone before getting bare-ass nekkid in front of two skinny lads
d) If anything else, this week's no good anyway. I don't even like STAYING in someone else's bed when I'm surfing the Lady-wave, let alone having sex with one more person then normal in it.

As to that last one, I'm incredibly relieved, as I was a week late. Now, I know I haven't actually had proper sex since January, but I'm awfully paranoid by nature, and your mind just tends to go into hyperactive overdrive, sometimes.

But enough of that. What on earth is going to happen here? Cos I literally have no idea, if I'm honest. Yeah, OK, the idea of a threesome with two sexy lads is a very exciting prospect. But for goodness sake, I've already discovered than two men are hardly any better than one at knowing what the hell they're doing - not to mention one of them (if not BOTH of them) is gay. How on earth will he know what he's doing with a woman's body? Now, I realise that's potentially insulting, but come one, the mystery and geography of a woman's body has eluded STRAIGHT men (or at least all the one's I'VE met) for ages, how will a man used to naught but another man's body be any better? Not to mention the potential problem of the other guy. What if HE'S gay, and just wants to get freaky with Kyle? Or worse..... what if he sees me, and decides to back out??

And for the love of god, above all else - this is my FRIEND we're talking about. Since the beginning of uni, brought together by a mutual love of Michael Jackson, and a shared sense of humour. I've known him nearly 4 years, and while we've had slightly explicit drunken fumblings in the past, would full sex with a best mate really be a good idea? What if it's awkward afterwards? Or do I just act all brazen, fun-loving and Belle de Jour about it? Still, I suppose when you're a body-confident ex-prostitute with a sweet ass and a book deal, you can do just about ANYTHING.....

But for goodness sake, I'll be crossing the Naked Barrier! He will see me NAKED! Now, I have no qualms about seeing HIM in his birthday suit - he's got a good body, has been naked on stage, like, 5 times, not to mention he always used to flash his arse at me after getting out the shower before a night out (just to get a giggle at my reaction. For a shameless hussy, I really am easily shocked). And I'm sure I could handle seeing his pork sword, having seen 11, at last count. But he will be seeing MY body!! I mean, I know he knows what shape I am, and god knows, he's seen (and groped) my boobs countless times. But what if my vagina freaks him out? They are scary-looking things after all, I don't wanna make him run out screaming. Maybe in the dark would be a good option.......

More to the point, how in the HELL do you approach something like that? Will Kyle warn the guy in advance? Do we all go out for innuendo-and-hint-laden drinks, "accidentally" touching each other, before taking it back to "my place?" (Well, technically, Kyle's, but let's not split hairs whilst discussing threesomes, eh?) God, I can't begin to fathom it. Maybe it's not as easy in real life than books and films (well, porn) make it look. Or maybe it's easier? Who the hell knows, it's not as if there's anyone I can ASK about this kind of thing. Yeah, I may have had one before, but I really don't count that as a basis on which to build my Male-Male-Female threesome knowledge.

I'm a little relieved I'm on this week, actually. If I'm actually gonna go through with this, I need at least a fortnight to psyche myself up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: relieved (see above) and heart-wrenchingly upset (see below)
Current Music: "Distant Dreamer" - Duffy. I'm watching the last scene of this week's "The L Word," and this achingly beautiful sad song, plus the heart-breaking acting has reduced me to a sobbing mess