Oxford, baby!

Dear Diary,

Good lord - this is probably the longest I've gone without blogging. I almost feel ashamed of myself. In fact, fuck it, I DO feel ashamed of myself - it's not as if I have much of a life! Well, apart from last weekend!! Well, where to begin.....?

FRIDAY

So, leaving off from my last entry in which I hastily cut-and-pasted that shocking conversation with Gary, I ran off to get the train to Oxford, which felt like it went on for bloody YEARS. But it was FANTASTIC to see Lisa again, even more so to wander through the gorgeous streets. It was all so clean! And the roads/pavements were so WIDE!! Although DAMN, people walk slow down South. We wandered up the high street (all of which was exciting me greatly) and dropped my suitcase and stuff off at Lisa's, which was a LOVELY halls of residence right opposite Christchurch that REALLY reminded me of the campus I lived on in First Year, and made me go all nostalgic. Anyway, after that we wandered here, there and everywhere, exploring Christchurch, getting my bearings, etc.... Did you know that the Hall they dine in and the adjoining staircase were used to film "Harry Potter"?? Yeah, course you did, I never shut up about it.
But did you ALSO know that the fish in the fountain in the middle of the C.C courtyard cost about £5,000 and were given to the university as a gift from Japan? So if someone jumps in the fountain in a fit of end-of-term spirits and kills a fish, they not only get fined or kicked out the uni, but destory relations with Japan! How AMAZING is that??!

So anway, we ambled off all around the city (everywhere is 10 minutes away from everything else), stopped at a little cafe' for a brownie, climbed to the unbelievably cramped top of a church tower with the most STUNNING view. Lisa was like a pocket tour guide, telling me everything about all the colleges, all their stereotypes, little quirks and rivalries, etc..... Consequently, I learned that:

1) There is a library in Oxford that has the potential to house EVERY BOOK EVER PUBLISHED. How utterly outstanding is THAT??! To a book-junkie (Bunkie, if you like) like me, that thought was just enough to make me dizzy with pleasure.
2) Allsouls college only takes the top 1% of students in every year. And those candidates have to go to a formal dinner with the Deans, entertain them with intelligent and polite conversation and know how to use all 12 pieces of cutlery and eat oysters. How fantastic an idea is THAT?
3) Every year, as the Yearly Photo is being taken outside the C.C halls of residence, it is a tradition for the inhabitants of the halls to appear behind the photographer and attempt to distract the photograph-ees by throwing water balloons/flashing out of windows/performing dance-offs/ANY MEANS POSSIBLE.
4) Every Mayday, people jump off one of the bridges to celebrate. Despite the incredibly shallow water, threat of broken legs, and police fines.
5) After "Finals" (exams) it is a tradition to "Trash" each other. This ranges from spraying people with champagne to the eggs and flour for the truly destructive. And to evade the coppers whilst drinking on the streets, all the students have to do is take one step inside their college, and they are protected! Sweet.
6) My favourite - Lincoln college was once put on Ebay by a practical joker. And it was almost sold for $600,000!! I was laughing for about 45 minutes upon being told THAT story.

What else did we do? Oh yes, in celebration of being in a city where ALL the lads were ambling around looking very Hugh Grant (ie: HOT) with their unfeasibly long scarves, haircuts and long coats - I stopped off to buy a long scarf of my own. Flashback to France, anybody? (For anyone who doesn't know, I bought a beret almost the second I landed and wore it every second I was awake). Sadly the genuine Oxford-style look-how-ridiculously-clever-we-are wool scarves were too expensive, but hey, A for effort!

Explored some more stunning areas, particularly the lane that transports your senses and makes you feel like you are actually IN the countryside, despite being 2 minute's walk away from the main road.
Went back to Lisa's and chilled out for a while, in preparation for the big meal ahead. Yes, that's right, we were off to eat in the Harry Potter hall. Got all done up, not to mention very excited at the sight of Lisa in her formal gown, which they HAVE to wear, as a rule. Fantastic!
The hall was STUNNING, as was the food (3-course meal, anyone?) - and the lads were all incredibly attractive. God bless the South, haha. I LOVED how the menu described our meal as Fried hake with a side of grilled potatoes - and turned out to be fish and chips. Ah, these Oxford types. They even said the Grace in Latin!

After the meal we went on a darned good, six-of-the-best, trousers down, Oxford-style pub crawl - me wearing my scarf to truly get into the spirit of things. We went to the Student bar under the hall (where, as a RULE, if you lose table football 10-0, you HAVE to remove your trousers and run around!), then to the cocktail bar, where I had a Cosmo. Not REALLY as nice as Sex and the City would have you believe...... Anyway, then we visited The Turfs, awarded Best Pub in Oxford - and DAMN, it deserved it. It was like a village ENCLOSED in itself! And they did this cloudy cider that was 7%!! And cheap to boot. Not to mention it had been visited by a load of famous people. The pub, that is, not the cider. So we sat outside, and basked in it's cidery glow, listening to the hilarious Southern twangs around us and looking at the impossibly cool fashion choices being displayed.

After that we went to the King's Arms, the hangout of all the REALLY stereotypical Oxford folks, theatricals and Rah's. By now I was getting slightly pissed and over-excited by all the Oxford types, including a boy our age we were sat next to outside, SMOKING A PIPE!!! And not even IRONICALLY!!

SATURDAY

Woke up about midday, slightly hungover, which was cured greatly by a fry-up in the Great Hall, followed by a brownie. Sweet times! Went for a walk down by the riverbank to look at the swans and the rowers, and then for a stroll round the C.C meadow, squinting in the sunlight and trying to shield my make-up-less hangover face. Had a very interesting moment in the woods where we passed a little old lady sat on a bench, who thought we were sisters (I would like to add that we don't look REMOTELY alike) and told us that Northerners were much friendlier than Southerners. And then, when we got closer, told us all about how she sketched trees, made greeting cards with them (accompanied by profound sayings) on and once had a display in a gallery. And now she was sat on a bench. Whether she was homeless or not, we didn't know, but her work was beautiful. She offered to sell us a picture each, but even though I had money, it didn't feel right to take one from her, somehow. She was pretty inspiring, though.

So after that we visited the National History Museum and looked at all the groovy scientific stuff.... apart from the bee hive, located precariously on the stairs, with a tube so the winged spawns of Satan could come and go as they wanted. Christ know where they'd find pollen in a city in February, but then again, it IS Oxford. Faced up to my extreme fear of bees by posing for a photo with my back to them, trying to battle unbidden images of them headbutting their way through the glass to come and attack me.......

Took a trip to an amazing indoor market and consequently to a place the likes of which I have never seen, nor expect to see ever again. Wasn't allowed to put the photo I took on Facebook for copyright reasons, but fuck it, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with saying the name. Otherwise, no-one would ever know to visit it, would they? The place was called Shake-Away, and oh my mixed and blended Lord, it was INDESCRIBABLE. They made milkshakes, but with EVERY INGREDIENT KNOWN TO MAN. They had every chocolate bar going, all kinds of cakes, toppings, you name it. And that, dear friends, is how on Saturday, I came to be drinking a milkshake composed of a Wispa, a fudge brownie, extra ice-cream and blended Smarties, topped with Magic Stars, whole Smarties, and a flake. Now THAT was a milkshake truly deserving of the title "Bad-Ass Motherfucker."

Got back home, feeling ever so slightly queasy as we sat on the kitchen windowsill and prepared pizzas - which we ate for tea whilst watching "The History Boys" (well, Oxford, you know.....) which was pretty funny. Not to mention a little like a game of "Guess where I've seen every actor before." Hung out for several hours before going to see "He's just not that into you" (I have a strange habit of buying books before even knowing that they're being made into films), which was BRILLIANT - apart from Scarlet Johansson (I find her insufferable) and some fucking annoying kids sat behind us who just talked and commented ALL THE WAY THROUGH, until eventually both Lisa and I seperately had to tell them to shut the fuck up.

SUNDAY

Sunday was wicked, as we'd arranged to meet Alexandra (an old friend from school) for lunch. Was a little apprehensivc, after a few years (6, for Lisa!) of not seeing her, but from the second she walked into the cafe' we all just slotted together as if we'd never been apart. Corny, I know, but there's a reason they're called cliche'es, because they actually happen in real life! Anyway, over fine-ass minted lamb burgers we had an enormous catch-up, heard all about her boyfriend and her course, swapped stories about old friends and ex-teachers, Latin class anecdotes and bitching about high school. And I was invited down to join them in the "Trashing" after Finals in June. Yeah, I may not be from the university, but damn it, if an open-minded Northerner can't sit on a train for 3 hours to join her friends and spray champagne over a load of people she's never met after an event she's had no part in, then what's the world come to?

Lunch went on longer than expected, so had to leg it slightly (ie: walk faster) for the train. Gave a big hug to Lisa, although on reflection, I probably should have bought her a bottle of wine or some chocolate or something for having me. Dammit.......

But all in all, an UNFORGETTABLE weekend. I've seen some stunning sights, heard interesting stories, took in some fantastic views and seen an entirely different (and amazing) way of life. And I never took my scarf off ONCE.
Although it also made me realise one thing. I really really REALLY miss being a student.

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