Happy New Year......?

Dear Diary,

Gosh, I've left another 2 days out again. Fuck only knows why, my days haven't exactly been filled with anything exciting. Apart from getting stoned with Lee and Julie Walters coming to visit me - but since they were actually dreams I had, they don't really count. SO, how much have I to recap.......?

(PS: The dream in question was fantastic - I was round at Lee's following a party, everyone was asleep and we were slumped on the sofa, smoking joints and listening to "Dark Side of the Moon." Yes, cliche'ed, I know. We were talking the kind of bollocks you talk when you're stoned, completely in awe of Pink Floyd's genius and pointing out particularly gorgeous bits of each song. I leaned back into the crook of his arm, we cuddled for a bit, had a breath-takingly long kiss and ended up having dreamy stoned sex in his bed. Mmmmm..... Although God knows how that happened, I didn't think weed was an aphrodisiac..... Anyway. Spell was broken slightly the next morning when he cooked us almost EVERYTHING in his house for breakfast - as we both had Extreme Munchies - but it was actually pretty funny. Sigh.....)

MONDAY:

So, as you know, Monday night was Lisa's turn for Come Dine With Me, and indeed, the last one (*sob*). But a fab time was had by all - we watched "Enchanted" afterwards and receieved our scores: Alice won with 19/20, Lisa came 2nd with 18/20....... and I came last with 16/20. (*sniff*) Well, in all fairness, theirs were very intricate and planned, wheras mine was prepared literally half an hour after getting in from work and looked a little messy. Ooh, almost forgot:

Starter: (Tapas)
Cheesy garlic Bread (fine-ass)
Flamed Brandy-soaked Chorizo (wouldn't catch fire, but had a hilarious time trying)
Spanish Omlette
Meatballs in tomato sauce
Garlic and Chilli Prawns
Main Course
Chicken, vodka-soaked chorizo, mussels and prawn Paella
Dessert
Sangria Jelly and Ice Cream

Guessed the theme yet? Haha. It was fab though, Gaudi's Lizard-themed menus, fairy lights, and as much Sangria as we could ingest (not much, as it turned out, what lightweights we are). Anyway, a fun time was had by all. We stayed over, I got a Subway the next morning and walked home in the cold air, which was surprisingly enjoyable.

TUESDAY:

Ah yes, Tuesday. Spent all day doing roughly nothing, before getting ridiculously bored and texting Marie for a rendez-vous in the evening. So we went to her local, at which I, using the flimsy excuse of having my own New Year celebration that night (as I was working Wednesday night), proceeded to get completely, inordinately pissed. We sat with two of Marie's regulars/mates, one thin with glasses, (Dan) one fat with goggly eyes (Jack). Well, I'm sure you can guess what came next...... After we'd stayed till 3, I sat outside for about 20 minutes "getting air" (and being kissed by Jack), threw up in the loo, and got kissed again by Jack. Almost 2 minutes after I'd been sick. He must've been fucking desperate. Mind you, I suppose I can't judge, as, really, so was I.

We left the pub, Marie leaving me with a hug, a smile, and a "Stay safe." Damn, I really MUST be that transparent..... Not to mention probably getting a reputation as the Pub Bike. Jesus...... Anyway, went back to Jack's and did the nasty. Was furious to discover that when Dan (during an inexplicable conversation about sex) described his mate's manhood as a "can of Pringles," he REALLY should've described it as a half-empty bag of Wotsits...... except without the Wotsits. By which I mean I could've stayed at home and ridden a fucking BIRO for all the good it did me. I'm serious, we are talking the length of a middle finger. WHILST ERECT. Son of a bitch.....
Hmmmm, well anyway, got down to it eventually (after he had to go look in his DAD'S BEDROOM for a condom) whilst I fuming-ly gritted my teeth and tried not to think about his ridiculously small equipment and how my New Year's Eve celebration had ended with me doing something I keep saying I won't do again - with an ugly, under-endowed imbecile. I don't think I've ever had sex with so much anger and resentment. Which, thinking about it, probably meant more fun for him, if you catch my drift.....

Woke to him snoring loudly enough to make my eardrums cry, stab and eat themselves just to avoid the sheer hell he was putting them through. It was only 8:30, but ended up flinging myself out of bed and throwing my clothes on, just to get the hell out of there. Didn't really want to face him waking up anyway, not to mention even ENTERTAINING the idea of morning sex, and pretending to be impressed and satisfied by his Mini-Me (literally). Bit of a sticky moment when I got downstairs - his Mum was sat reading the paper, facing the other way. Tried to work whether a fun, light-hearted "Hello! Happy New Year!" approach would work, or whether to just embarrass-edly apologize like crazy and involve a lot of self-mockery. In the end I just braced myself, walked straight across the lounge and out the door. She didn't even look up. I walked back to Marie's listening to "Dark Side of the Moon" and trying to find my way through the fog (Cheesy metaphor, anyone?).

WEDNESDAY:

After that debacle at Marie's, I went home and basically chilled all day - pretty much like I have been doing all Christmas, using the mere idea of a holiday to justify doing what I've basically been doing since July. Got all done up and went to the Pub in my new purple "The Boob Monster" dress. Well, I havta say, it was the most anti-climatic New Year celebration I've ever attended, and I'm including the one I paid £28 to get to, where everyone was going out with each other and I had no-one to kiss - or indeed talk to - at midnight because I was completely gooseberried. Don't get me wrong, I had no problem with working New Year's, it was just boring as shite. I made less tips than Rhianne (despite her starting 2 hours after me), only had 3 drinks bought for me (while she had 7) and brought in the New Year watching Martha Reeves perform "Dancing in the Street" on Jools Holland (not remotely a bad thing, now I think about it......).

Things got steadily worse - Rhianne got absolutely splattered and started an hour-long arguement with the Landlady (after mistakenly assuming some of her tips had been stolen) leaving Muggins here to sweep up and basically do ALL THE JOBS. Crafty. Got my pre-booked taxi up to Marie's pub (where she was working too) - as her landlady seemed to like me, and told me I could come in for free (they were selling tickets at £5 a pop) after my shift. Oh, what fun that was. Walked through the door straight into Jack, who gave me evils. Got to the bar and got a drink before looking round to see the place was almost completely empty. Although Marie's twattish boyfriend (who has fucked her over more times than I care to remember) was there, and for some reason, greeting me like an old friend, seemingly oblivious to my glowering and frosty replies.

Marie eventually came out from behind the bar and joined me. Only to be joined 4 seconds later by Twattish Boyfriend. So I now had heavy kissing taking place by my left ear while I stood at the bar trying (and failing) not to look like a complete gooseberry/Billy no-mates. After 40 minutes of this I decided I couldn't hack it, and called a taxi. Jack joined me at the bar and I apologised for running out and explained about the snoring. Apparently his mum gave him the bollocking of his LIFE. Well, serves him right for having a tiny dong. (Yeah OK, that was brutal, but fuck it, I'm in a bad mood) My taxi arrived, he asked for a New Year's snog (SNOG??! What is he, TEN??!), I gave him the briefest hug before running like the wind, getting a take-away pizza and falling gratefully into my own bed. Was originally meant to be staying at Marie's, but sod that for a bunch of soldiers - had no desire to hear her having sex with Twattish Boyfriend, not to mention seeing her the next morning and pretending she HADN'T treated me like crap.

And now here we are - Thursday. Spent the day mostly doing nothing and thinking about Lee. Was very surprised to get a text from Oli (who I hadn't heard from since Sunday) but not so surprised when he didn't reply, once again. Would it be too forward if I sent a message simply saying "Look mate - I know you're "shy" but if you want to meet up for a drink or something, just stop fannying around, fucking grow a pair and TELL ME. Otherwise, let me know and stop getting my hopes up and wasting my credit and time." ??
What else happened today? We had a Roast for tea, and I watched the Sex and the City film. They were about the high points of my day.
Damn, I need to sort something out. Not just for the next few days (although that too, it really is pretty boring doing nothing) but for Life in general. And Me, especially. It probably speaks volumes about you when the highlight of your New Year is a goddamn take-away pizza.

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Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: "Give it away" - Red Hot Chillie Peppers