Black holes and Revelations

Dear Diary,

Following the depressed-fest from earlier, things have looked up somewhat. If only slightly. Mum did one final "this is the last time I'll say this" speech before leaving me to it. After that we were both in that tentative, offering to help with cooking, making-jokes-and-smiling-a-lot-more-than-necessary mood when you're clearly being nice to make up for all the yelling earlier. Still, can't say I didn't enjoy it. I made tea after a 3-week hiatus - which, if I'm honest, was absolutely amazing. Tea, that is, not the hiatus. I'm back in the game!!

RECIPE OF THE DAY: LAMB BURGERS

Finely chop an onion, crush some garlic, crumble some Feta - slop it all in a big bowl with an egg white and a load of lamb mince, mash it all together, form burgers, and fry like a mother. Fantastic!

Had a spurt of inspiration afterwards, and retired back upstairs to read the Writer's Yearbook and start copying down every phone number of every newspaper and magazine in the region. Wrote an article about why Carrie Bradshaw is NOT a role model - which was basically me just bitching about why I don't like her. Surely there'll be a market for that kind of genre? Hmmm.

Had a nasty surprise a while ago upon checking Facebook, to discover that not only has Lee STILL not been online (where the fuck IS he, Mozambique??!) but David - DAVID - of the online flirting/sex talk who has not been laid since me and not had a relationship for like, 5 years, IS NOW SEEING SOMEONE. As in, actually in a relationship. I mean, what the fuck??! That's surely not fair!! For starters, that means someone else in the world apart from me is waking up to his outstanding snuggling, getting all his amazing moves and having sex with him every 25 minutes. And secondly, he was like, the Perpetually Single guy. He said he never WANTED a relationship!! The lying FUCKER!!! And now he's IN one??! What the fuck has HAPPENED to the world??! I bet she's really thin, or has something outstanding to reccomend her. Well, that's just dynamite. Why doesn't someone come and actually shit on my head, while they're at it? And in the meantime, throw the placenta of a newborn cow in my face and put arsenic in my drink? She must really be something goddamn special. Well fuck, David and I have a really good laugh, we're comfortable together, we have fun, we both have insatiable sexual appetites - if she's any better than me for him, she must look like a pissing MODEL or something - because I am telling you now, there is hardly ANYTHING I wouldn't do to make a man happy.

God, listen to me, I sound so fucking shallow, like I'm God's greatest gift. Obviously I'm not. But shit, this is the guy who point-blank DIDN'T want a relationship with anyone, she must've won him over pretty fucking quick. But how? Maybe she gives amazing head. Plus, I suppose the fact that she's probably in the same CITY as him helps immensely. Fucking smart-arse bitch.
This is so unfair, everyone around me, friends, dalliances, crushes, exes, EVERYONE is having sex and being happy and falling in love. Even DAVID, the one who wanted out of all that. God, you know what this means? I no longer have a (extremely occasional only-when-in-the-area) Fuck Buddy. Well, fuck-a-doodle-do.

I might as well hang myself this instant. Or, deal with it in my own twisted way - namely to blog the SHIT out of it, speed-read "He's just not that into you" and play Ass Hunter for several hours, imagining each baddie to have David's face (only when I shoot them, not when they jump me)

For those of you wondering, "Ass Hunter" is a MADLY addictive game I found on Ebaum'sWorld - the site of which ALONE is utterly brilliant. Basically, you're a hunter, and all you have to do is get through each level (a leafy forrest) with your trusty gun, gaining lives and picking up ammo. The only trouble is the Ass Hunters, who wander out of the bushes, stark-bollock naked and head straight for you, with the sole purpose of jumping your bones. So naturally, you have to shoot them. Yes it's slightly graphic, (and with disturbing underlying messages of homophobic violence/portraying gay men as rampant predators) but damn, it's theraputic. Especially when, in my mind, all the Ass Hunters have David's face and are left to bleed all over the ground.......

Bitter? Me? As if, haha.

Actually, too fucking RIGHT I'm bitter. How the fuck DARE he start going out with someone else???!!! I hope his dick gets caught in a blender.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: extremely pissed off
Current Music: "Breathe" - Pink Floyd (works wonders when needing to meditate, calm down, or just plain forget everything.....)