Dear Diary,
TOP 5 MOST SUPREMELY ANNOYING TV CHARACTERS: (in ascending order)
5) Grace Adler (Will and Grace) What on EARTH do people find so likeable about her?! She's annoying as fuck. Constantly making jokes about her flat chest and big feet - we GET IT!!! Constantly hanging round Will's neck, making unfair judgements about everything, and telling not even particularly funny one-liners. Maybe I should blame the writers for that, but still, she is awful. Karen is the star of the show, and we all know it. Have to say, I didn't enjoy Debra Messing in "The Women" either, so it must just be her as an actress.
4) Jane Christie (Coupling) Again, why does everyone LIKE her so much??! Let alone find her FUNNY?! I find her to be one of the single most irritating people in the world, her voice, the enormous amounts she seems to love herself, her staggeringly desperate attempts to be funny and "mad." She's about as mad as I am organised (ie: not remotely).
3) Capt. Kevin Darling (Blackadder Goes Forth) Eurgh..... what an irritating, miserable pencil-pusher. Just finished watching Season 4 and he is by far and away the biggest, smuggest, most cowardly wart on the planet. His only comedic value is the constant twitch he has whenever someone calls him by his surname and being constantly beaten down by Blackadder. Didn't feel the slightest bit sorry for him at the end when he got called up - payback for being such a slimy creepy bastard. (Would like to stress that Tim McInnerny as an actor is fantastic)
2) Rosie Webster (Coronation Street) Oh. My. God. What an appalling parody of a woman. Constantly bouncing or strutting around the place as if she's Paris fucking Hilton, wearing skirts short enough to be a belt with her mouth hanging open and her huge fish eyes glaring at everyone, shaking her head non-stop. No. Need. For. It. And her voice goes through me. Not to mention she's a manipulative bitch.
1) Jenny Schecter (The L Word) Oh sweet Jesus and all his carpet cleaners - how long have you got?! I could rant about this bitch all day. She takes the number 1 spot as the biggest cunt in televisual history. Where to begin?
In Season 1 she whispered all the time and was the most pretentious wanker on the planet. In Season 2 we had the whole "I'm a self-harmer and was raped" themed flashbacks and cringe-inducing imagination sequences. She ran around acting like Liza Mi-goddamn-nnelli in fur coats and diamonds (despite being an unemployed writer) and felt the need to believe she was right about absolutely EVERYTHING. Her strip show and the reasons for doing it was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen and made me want to stab her through the eye. And how in the blind steaming hell did she manage to get a fine-arse like Carmen to go out with her? Did she ever TALK to Jenny?? Plus I find it damned difficult to believe that anyone would find Jenny at all sexy or attractive.
In Season 3 she got even worse, doing her usual speechifying and treating her girl/boyfriend Max like a piece of shit. And she seemed to regard Dana dying (Dana. DYING!!!!) as a matter of extreme indifference. (On that note - the Dana/Jenny hookup in Season 1..... no. No. No. Fucking NO.)
In Season 4 she became the most ego-centric twat on the planet due to some fucking fool believing she was good enough to be published, killed a dog in the name of her "art" and caused someone to cheat. Not to mention she kissed Alice (which is a criminal offence) and constantly talked down to everyone and everything she met. She cheats on almost all her partners, is the most selfish and manipulative person on the show, and if that weren't enough, she either whispers every single line, or delivers it so slowly and monotonously, as if she was saying things of such extreme importance.
In Season 5 she achieved a World Record for pissing me off the most in opening 5 minutes of a new series. Her pathetic deluded fantasy of hotties like Bette, Shane and Tina finding her attractive, paired with the fact that she was a complete sociopath and meglomaniac made her even more unlikeable. Or should I say hateable. Her massive ego swelled up to the size of an elephant that had eaten a universe with several galaxies for pudding, as she became lost in her own self-importance. And while I don't condone cheating or hurting anyone, how utterly fantastic a come-uppance was it for her to get at the end when her film was completely stolen by a wannabe, her career ruined, and her girlfriend cheating on her with her best friend?? Brilliant. Payback for 5 seasons of extreme cunt-ishness served with a big dollop of ego and treating her friends like crap, despite them all being INFINITELY BETTER AND MORE INTERESTING PEOPLE.
Have heard others say that while Jenny may be annoying as all hell and Hitler combined, at least she is watchable and interesting. Well, no chance. I have to mute the TV or fast-forward every time she speaks or appears, and if that's the kind of person we find interesting to watch, then maybe we should all move to Iran. There's been 2 very strong rumours flying around about her in the last season - That she will start a relationship with Shane and that she will die. To the first I can only say Please, Christ, no no no - and to the second I can only say; Please, Christ, Ilene Chaiken, and all your ilk, yes yes yes. Do it as soon as possible and make a lot of viewers happy. Please.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: bored and tired (for no reason)
Current Music: "Time" - Pink Floyd
Tuesday, 30 December 2008
Monday, 29 December 2008
Oh shit.......
Dear Diary,
Well, I should've seen it coming. But guess what happened today? I got a phone call from the L********** to follow up their "investigation" of the "incident" that took place a few Saturdays ago. Fuckfuckfuck. Had to talk to some devil-woman called Jean, who had clearly been trained to sound all friendly and nice to coax the truth out of people, whilst holding Lee's hairy balls in the palm of her hand (Not literally, obviously, I meant his professional balls, so to speak. Plus, I obviously don't know if they're hairy, having never seen them. They probably are though, I mean, how many men shave their balls?? Oh great, now I've got Lee's balls in my head, and not even in a good way).
Naturally, I was trying with all my might not to stammer and freak out, but remain calm and collected as she asked me questions in a very moderated and deliberate way - almost as if I was being questioned by the police. Eeeek. Trouble was, it was started to rub off on me - so by halfway through the interview I was using phrases like; "To my knowledge," "I would like to make absolutely clear," "Can I just state," and "To an extent....." Yeesh. Hopefully didn't give too much away.
Had worked it all out beforehand, in case the dreaded phone call DID come, so at least had a vague idea of what to say - ie: lie through my teeth. Basically said that yes, Carmichael and Lee had invited us for a drink (NOT party, I stressed) afterwards, I didn't drink a lot, but had barely eaten all day which caused me to get a little tipsy (big fat lie, I drank till I could see into space), I wasn't aware of any booze being taken afterwards (lie), sound equipment being broken, or rooms being trashed (I vaguely remembered this happening, but didn't know who did it, so kind of the truth), I couldn't remember what time we left (another lie), and we went back to "someone's" (thought it best not to mention Lee again) house. Very heavily stressed how the whole Dad/Missing person incident was completely my fault and how no-one else had better get in trouble for that, as it was my fault and mine alone. She re-assured me no-one would be blamed and seemed to sympathise, although it was hard not to picture a copper behind her, smiling smugly, shaking his head and twirling his moustache.
So yeah, fairly sure I didn't incriminate anyone, and she said that everyone else basically had the same version of events (Thank Christ for sticking together, now THAT'S teamwork!). Hung up feeling slightly shaken, but a little bit better now it was over and done with, and I hadn't really dropped anyone in it. Phew. Now just hope this disciplinary is held pretty soon and they come to the right decision so Lee can be rightly re-instated. Poor guy - he told me at the party (or NOT party) how he got the position and worked hard for it, I know how much he loves his job. He must be so afraid.......
Must stop this. He WILL get his job back, we all know it. There would be mass outcry if he didn't. Need to pull myself together.
Havn't heard anything from Oli. Presumably the prediction I made in my last entry came true. Shame though, he seemed lovely. And I'm really quite fed up of being single......
Lisa's turn for Come Dine With Me tonight. Shame it'll all be over, but apparently it's Spanish themed, so very excited. And we get to find out our scores! In fact, I must get going, haven't washed my hair for days, and need to tidy my room badly.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: worried for Lee
Current Music: "Total Eclipse of the heart" - Bonnie Tyler
Well, I should've seen it coming. But guess what happened today? I got a phone call from the L********** to follow up their "investigation" of the "incident" that took place a few Saturdays ago. Fuckfuckfuck. Had to talk to some devil-woman called Jean, who had clearly been trained to sound all friendly and nice to coax the truth out of people, whilst holding Lee's hairy balls in the palm of her hand (Not literally, obviously, I meant his professional balls, so to speak. Plus, I obviously don't know if they're hairy, having never seen them. They probably are though, I mean, how many men shave their balls?? Oh great, now I've got Lee's balls in my head, and not even in a good way).
Naturally, I was trying with all my might not to stammer and freak out, but remain calm and collected as she asked me questions in a very moderated and deliberate way - almost as if I was being questioned by the police. Eeeek. Trouble was, it was started to rub off on me - so by halfway through the interview I was using phrases like; "To my knowledge," "I would like to make absolutely clear," "Can I just state," and "To an extent....." Yeesh. Hopefully didn't give too much away.
Had worked it all out beforehand, in case the dreaded phone call DID come, so at least had a vague idea of what to say - ie: lie through my teeth. Basically said that yes, Carmichael and Lee had invited us for a drink (NOT party, I stressed) afterwards, I didn't drink a lot, but had barely eaten all day which caused me to get a little tipsy (big fat lie, I drank till I could see into space), I wasn't aware of any booze being taken afterwards (lie), sound equipment being broken, or rooms being trashed (I vaguely remembered this happening, but didn't know who did it, so kind of the truth), I couldn't remember what time we left (another lie), and we went back to "someone's" (thought it best not to mention Lee again) house. Very heavily stressed how the whole Dad/Missing person incident was completely my fault and how no-one else had better get in trouble for that, as it was my fault and mine alone. She re-assured me no-one would be blamed and seemed to sympathise, although it was hard not to picture a copper behind her, smiling smugly, shaking his head and twirling his moustache.
So yeah, fairly sure I didn't incriminate anyone, and she said that everyone else basically had the same version of events (Thank Christ for sticking together, now THAT'S teamwork!). Hung up feeling slightly shaken, but a little bit better now it was over and done with, and I hadn't really dropped anyone in it. Phew. Now just hope this disciplinary is held pretty soon and they come to the right decision so Lee can be rightly re-instated. Poor guy - he told me at the party (or NOT party) how he got the position and worked hard for it, I know how much he loves his job. He must be so afraid.......
Must stop this. He WILL get his job back, we all know it. There would be mass outcry if he didn't. Need to pull myself together.
Havn't heard anything from Oli. Presumably the prediction I made in my last entry came true. Shame though, he seemed lovely. And I'm really quite fed up of being single......
Lisa's turn for Come Dine With Me tonight. Shame it'll all be over, but apparently it's Spanish themed, so very excited. And we get to find out our scores! In fact, I must get going, haven't washed my hair for days, and need to tidy my room badly.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: worried for Lee
Current Music: "Total Eclipse of the heart" - Bonnie Tyler
Sunday, 28 December 2008
Fluctuating weekend
Dear Diary,
Wow. Never left 2 days blank before - bit of catching up to do, methinks!
SATURDAY:
So Saturday started off well - I say in all sarcasm, as I completely got the shift wrong. I had 10 oclock in my head, so got a lift off Dad at 10 in the morning. Got into the L**********, turns out it was 4 till 10 I was in. Grrrrrrrrr-ed till the cows came home. Ended up walking to the tram stop, basking in the early (well, for me) morning peace and quiet of everything. Post-Christmas National Slump clearly taking effect everywhere. Stood on the bridge and looked out over the river for a while, listening to "Stairway to Heaven" - but eventually moved when I spotted a lone dogwalker and realised that my extreme pretentiousness was in danger of being seen by someone else. Got the tram back and hung around in town for a bit, in between changing stations. Visited post-Christmas Sales HMV and continued my Pink Floyd initiation by buying "The Wall," "Dark Side of the Moon" and series 5 of "Peep Show" (unrelated, but still fucking fantastic)
.
Went back in at 4 - had a fairly unremarkable shift in the restaurant (as a runner - all good fun), apart from all the texts going back and forth between me and Oli (*squeal*) all day. It's amazing how we managed to send about 12 messages without really saying anything, just a load of waffle about work, really. Didn't see Lee around, which I'm ashamed to say, made me wish I hadn't bothered going in at all. I can assure you all that I'm not the kind of person who gets a job just for closer proximity to a crush (*cough*).........
Zoomed straight from the L********** back home to find Lisa waiting outside the house, ooops..... Went to Alice's for HER night of Come Dine With Me, and - WOW.
STARTER:
Pea Soup with crispy bacon bits (oh yeah......) and homemade granary bread
MAIN COURSE:
Salmon en croute with home-made chips and hollandaise sauce and vegetables
DESSERT:
Jam Squares with Ice Cream
Absolutely GORGEOUS!! And there were candles everywhere which was lovely - and her dog Chunky who kept snuffling around in the room in an adorable way, haha. Anyway, afterwards we crashed in the living room to watch "Interview with a Vampire" - which I'd normally love, but DAMN I couldn't keep my eyes open. Christ knows why, as I only ended up doing 3 and a quarter hours at the L********** that day...... Told them about Oli, and we discussed their respective boyfriends (Lisa's 2-year relationship and Alice's on-off relationship with Navy Seal). Made me a bit sad to think how I've been single for nearly a year, when I have a feeling I would actually make a pretty good girlfriend - I avoid arguements at all costs, always try to make other people happy, am pretty loyal, have a whole lotta love to give and most importantly - want sex ALL THE TIME!! Hmmmm..... It depresses me to think that there are some fucking horrible skanky chavs who are mean to people all the time, yet have boyfriends for years, when people like me who would work hard at being an absolutely cracking partner and would never cheat or fuck anyone over lie on the shelf for years. Awwww, fuck this.
SUNDAY:
Woke up this morning in a bed so cosy it should be illegal, ie: Alice's spare room. Had a lovely cream cheese bagel and Lisa gave me a lift home, at which Mum gave me a lift straight into work. Ah, spending more time in cars than on feet, so much fun..... Had a 12 till 5 shift on Confectionary - serving popcorn and ice cream to excitable kids, which was actually a lot easier than it sounds. It seemed to mostly consist of sitting around on my fat arse doing very little work, apart from the two half hours before each performance started. Nice......
Although I found out something very distressing - Lee has temporarily been suspended from work. On account of the impromptu party last Saturday. Got told by the Assistant Manager Pete today - naturally played along and claimed ignorance (despite blantantly BEING there), saying I knew nothing about the stock cupboards being left open, mess left that took 4 people to clean up, or several people that foolishly signed out at 7:00am for the world and his wife to see (eep....). And then Pete started telling me about one person going missing, whose dad came in to ask where she'd gone - which made everything official.
Guess what? That was me. So now, because of my completely stupidity and utter fucking foolishness, Lee's job is in serious jeapordy. Yes, it was bad enough to begin with, and he was already badly in the shit - but because I was too much of a thick twat to simply text home and tell my parents I was stopping out, they added to something that was already bad enough, and made it ten times worse by inadvertantly throwing in a "Missing person" claim to boot. In a nutshell, possibly because of me, Lee is fucked. Felt like I'd been punched in the stomach when I found out. Demanded to be able to see the appropriate authorities and explain everything, but Pete said this would make things worse, and should just leave it. Grrrr, though. Hate the idea of him possibly knowing, and therefore hating me. Not to mention losing his job, which he loves.
Had a strange idea of either leaving a note on his desk, or posting one to his flat telling him we're all behind him - but the idea is so massively gay, I'd have to do it anonymously. Which gave the idea a huge shove into creepy instead, so sacked it off. Hmmmm. Just hope he's alright, that's all. I really want to just give him a cuddle and make sure he's OK. Oh well, I'm sure his girlfriend's taking his mind off it...... (oh come on, I'm human, I'm allowed to be a bitter twat)
Pete said - following my frantic shrieking and arm waving - that despite the complete idiocy of what he's done, Lee is too good a manager to be let go, and everyone agrees. Apparently we can only hope and pray that that is enough to save him. I sure fucking hope so. If he gets sacked, I'm resigning in protest.
Hmmmm...... Anyway. Finished work at 5 (decided AGAINST telling Dad and yelling at him in the car), came home and had about an hour's rest before out to work again - this time at the Pub. With Sam. Grrrrr, really must stop agreeing to do Sunday shifts...... Had the usuals in, relentlessly murdering kareoke classics. Sadly Oli didn't come in, nor did he reply to my text. Fuck it, I wasn't expecting him to carry on anyway - not someone that good-looking. Chances are, he woke up Saturday morning and thought "OK, I'll text to be polite, but maybe WON'T ask her out now I've remembered what she looks like!" Fair dos, but if that's how he feels he can stop texting me right now and stop wasting my time and getting my hopes up. Tsk, men.
It's now 2am, and something alarming has just occurred to me. Here is this past week's schedule:
MONDAY - Work (Pub)
TUESDAY - Work (L*********) and Come Dine With Me
WEDNESDAY - Running round town buying presents and Christmas Day preparation
THURSDAY - Christmas Day - say no more
FRIDAY - Work (Pub)
SATURDAY - Work (L**********)
SUNDAY - Work (L********* AND Pub)
Oh. My. God. Since when did I, the single laziest person on the planet, work so damn much? I'm going to be so fecking rich by next week. But right now I'm going to bed. And do you know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow.........? Absolutely SWEET COCK-ALL!!!
(Apart from tidying my room and Lisa's Come Dine With Me. But just pretend)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: Wiped the FUCK out
Current Music: "Girl I want to make you sweat" - Bob Marley
Wow. Never left 2 days blank before - bit of catching up to do, methinks!
SATURDAY:
So Saturday started off well - I say in all sarcasm, as I completely got the shift wrong. I had 10 oclock in my head, so got a lift off Dad at 10 in the morning. Got into the L**********, turns out it was 4 till 10 I was in. Grrrrrrrrr-ed till the cows came home. Ended up walking to the tram stop, basking in the early (well, for me) morning peace and quiet of everything. Post-Christmas National Slump clearly taking effect everywhere. Stood on the bridge and looked out over the river for a while, listening to "Stairway to Heaven" - but eventually moved when I spotted a lone dogwalker and realised that my extreme pretentiousness was in danger of being seen by someone else. Got the tram back and hung around in town for a bit, in between changing stations. Visited post-Christmas Sales HMV and continued my Pink Floyd initiation by buying "The Wall," "Dark Side of the Moon" and series 5 of "Peep Show" (unrelated, but still fucking fantastic)
.
Went back in at 4 - had a fairly unremarkable shift in the restaurant (as a runner - all good fun), apart from all the texts going back and forth between me and Oli (*squeal*) all day. It's amazing how we managed to send about 12 messages without really saying anything, just a load of waffle about work, really. Didn't see Lee around, which I'm ashamed to say, made me wish I hadn't bothered going in at all. I can assure you all that I'm not the kind of person who gets a job just for closer proximity to a crush (*cough*).........
Zoomed straight from the L********** back home to find Lisa waiting outside the house, ooops..... Went to Alice's for HER night of Come Dine With Me, and - WOW.
STARTER:
Pea Soup with crispy bacon bits (oh yeah......) and homemade granary bread
MAIN COURSE:
Salmon en croute with home-made chips and hollandaise sauce and vegetables
DESSERT:
Jam Squares with Ice Cream
Absolutely GORGEOUS!! And there were candles everywhere which was lovely - and her dog Chunky who kept snuffling around in the room in an adorable way, haha. Anyway, afterwards we crashed in the living room to watch "Interview with a Vampire" - which I'd normally love, but DAMN I couldn't keep my eyes open. Christ knows why, as I only ended up doing 3 and a quarter hours at the L********** that day...... Told them about Oli, and we discussed their respective boyfriends (Lisa's 2-year relationship and Alice's on-off relationship with Navy Seal). Made me a bit sad to think how I've been single for nearly a year, when I have a feeling I would actually make a pretty good girlfriend - I avoid arguements at all costs, always try to make other people happy, am pretty loyal, have a whole lotta love to give and most importantly - want sex ALL THE TIME!! Hmmmm..... It depresses me to think that there are some fucking horrible skanky chavs who are mean to people all the time, yet have boyfriends for years, when people like me who would work hard at being an absolutely cracking partner and would never cheat or fuck anyone over lie on the shelf for years. Awwww, fuck this.
SUNDAY:
Woke up this morning in a bed so cosy it should be illegal, ie: Alice's spare room. Had a lovely cream cheese bagel and Lisa gave me a lift home, at which Mum gave me a lift straight into work. Ah, spending more time in cars than on feet, so much fun..... Had a 12 till 5 shift on Confectionary - serving popcorn and ice cream to excitable kids, which was actually a lot easier than it sounds. It seemed to mostly consist of sitting around on my fat arse doing very little work, apart from the two half hours before each performance started. Nice......
Although I found out something very distressing - Lee has temporarily been suspended from work. On account of the impromptu party last Saturday. Got told by the Assistant Manager Pete today - naturally played along and claimed ignorance (despite blantantly BEING there), saying I knew nothing about the stock cupboards being left open, mess left that took 4 people to clean up, or several people that foolishly signed out at 7:00am for the world and his wife to see (eep....). And then Pete started telling me about one person going missing, whose dad came in to ask where she'd gone - which made everything official.
Guess what? That was me. So now, because of my completely stupidity and utter fucking foolishness, Lee's job is in serious jeapordy. Yes, it was bad enough to begin with, and he was already badly in the shit - but because I was too much of a thick twat to simply text home and tell my parents I was stopping out, they added to something that was already bad enough, and made it ten times worse by inadvertantly throwing in a "Missing person" claim to boot. In a nutshell, possibly because of me, Lee is fucked. Felt like I'd been punched in the stomach when I found out. Demanded to be able to see the appropriate authorities and explain everything, but Pete said this would make things worse, and should just leave it. Grrrr, though. Hate the idea of him possibly knowing, and therefore hating me. Not to mention losing his job, which he loves.
Had a strange idea of either leaving a note on his desk, or posting one to his flat telling him we're all behind him - but the idea is so massively gay, I'd have to do it anonymously. Which gave the idea a huge shove into creepy instead, so sacked it off. Hmmmm. Just hope he's alright, that's all. I really want to just give him a cuddle and make sure he's OK. Oh well, I'm sure his girlfriend's taking his mind off it...... (oh come on, I'm human, I'm allowed to be a bitter twat)
Pete said - following my frantic shrieking and arm waving - that despite the complete idiocy of what he's done, Lee is too good a manager to be let go, and everyone agrees. Apparently we can only hope and pray that that is enough to save him. I sure fucking hope so. If he gets sacked, I'm resigning in protest.
Hmmmm...... Anyway. Finished work at 5 (decided AGAINST telling Dad and yelling at him in the car), came home and had about an hour's rest before out to work again - this time at the Pub. With Sam. Grrrrr, really must stop agreeing to do Sunday shifts...... Had the usuals in, relentlessly murdering kareoke classics. Sadly Oli didn't come in, nor did he reply to my text. Fuck it, I wasn't expecting him to carry on anyway - not someone that good-looking. Chances are, he woke up Saturday morning and thought "OK, I'll text to be polite, but maybe WON'T ask her out now I've remembered what she looks like!" Fair dos, but if that's how he feels he can stop texting me right now and stop wasting my time and getting my hopes up. Tsk, men.
It's now 2am, and something alarming has just occurred to me. Here is this past week's schedule:
MONDAY - Work (Pub)
TUESDAY - Work (L*********) and Come Dine With Me
WEDNESDAY - Running round town buying presents and Christmas Day preparation
THURSDAY - Christmas Day - say no more
FRIDAY - Work (Pub)
SATURDAY - Work (L**********)
SUNDAY - Work (L********* AND Pub)
Oh. My. God. Since when did I, the single laziest person on the planet, work so damn much? I'm going to be so fecking rich by next week. But right now I'm going to bed. And do you know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow.........? Absolutely SWEET COCK-ALL!!!
(Apart from tidying my room and Lisa's Come Dine With Me. But just pretend)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: Wiped the FUCK out
Current Music: "Girl I want to make you sweat" - Bob Marley
Friday, 26 December 2008
Blimey!
Dear Diary,
Oh, I am so fucking pleased I got dressed up for work tonight! A quite good-looking 21 year-old lad called Oliver (one of the punters) asked for my number. Oh happy days! Was a very average shift, very strange..... I expected it to be quiet and it was quite busy - then I expected it to be busier but it was quiet. Very strange.... I wore my new big fluffy belted jumper with a white vest, short ruffled skirt, leggings and brown boots. With a charm bracelet, heart pendant, and (straightened) pulled back hair. Nothing special, but the sort of nice I'm-celebrating-Christmas-homely-barmaid look.
Anyway, got chatting to him while he was stood with his mates (older), who kept telling me he wanted my number - although I didn't believe them as they were ever so slightly pissed. But it turned out he did! Blimey. Waited until he bought me a drink (twice) before writing my number on a betting slip. Have to say, he looked quite chuffed. So continued chatting to him and said mates (and not doing much work) all night. They constantly told me how nice he was, one lifted up his shirt sleeve to show me his biceps (3 words: Oh. Good. GOD!! *fans self*) and we chatted some more - asking about uni, jobs, and the like. it turns out he does LOTS of weight-lifting at the gym. Clearly! This carried on for a while, until Landlady called an early Last Orders. Which, needless to say, caused Rhianne and I to literally jump around in excitement. We cleaned up, talking to Oliver all the while, as he stayed behind, even after all his mates had gone. I chatted to him some more and started sweeping up - eventually he gave me a lovely hug (arm lingering round waist and everything) and left. I bounced around squealing while everyone rolled their eyes. Well, give me credit, it's been almost a YEAR since I got all sparkly over a guy! A girl needs a-romancin'!
Oooh, did I mention? Landlady and Landlord gave Rhianne and I a LITRE BOTTLE OF SMIRNOFF VODKA each as a Christmas present. Good Lord, now that I didn't expect..... Hadn't got them anything, which made me feel bad for about 5 seconds, before thinking "VODKA!!!!!!!" Sweet.
So yeah. Oli (as he apparently liked to be known) promised to text in the morning, despite me predicting he'd be too pissed to remember. That's one of my best techniques, you see, you frequently tell your potential paramour not to worry, that you know they've drank a lot, will probably forget to text, and that you don't mind. They insist they won't forget. You insist they will. By the end of the night, you've gone over it so much, it is ingrained into their head, and they would behead their own mothers to prove you wrong, and text you the next morning. Genius, no?
Got home, ate the rest of a chocolate trifle and came up to bed. Exchanged this series of texts:
HIM: "Hi, really hope this is ur number and u got home ok, text me if im textin the right person"
ME: "Well it depends - who are you trying to reach? It's Katrina anyway, and yes I did get home safe. Is this Ollie?"
HIM: "Yup, but it's Oli, not Ollie plz, if u don't mind, glad u got home safe. I thought u were really nice, can't believe u don't have a bf!!"
ME: "Well, that's very kind of you to say so, Oli! Lol. You were very nice too..... even if your mates were trying to pimp you out, haha"
HIM: "No, I'm not the pimpy kind of guy (i'm a big softy rly) altho don't let anyone no it. I play rugby league n i hate being soft, but i thought u were rly nice!"
ME: "Lol, thank you! Ah, a rugby player, impressive...... (*wink face*) I love rugby, my brother plays it too! Well, I'm off to bed, got work tomorrow. Night night! xxx"
Very nearly (upon his disbelief at me not having a boyfriend) made a crack about it being "because I have extreme schizophrenia and give terrible head." But then I realised, as a sheer matter of pride that I'd have to then tell him I actually give good head (and have the book to prove it) - and then that would either make me seem like I was a mental or a self-advertiser. Hmmm, intrigueing! Left it in the end, as you can see. Well, at least someone new to fancy would distract me from thinking about Lee very selfishly having a girlfriend..... Speaking of which, I'm in work tomorrow, maybe I'll see him, if indeed he still has his job (*worry worry*). Surely he will do, he's a fucking BRILLIANT manager, everyone agrees. Can just imagine starting a petition. Or would that look too keen.....?
Apart from said pub incident, nothing really to report about today. I woke up about half 1, mooched around all day, we had leftovers for tea - I had a "Blackadder" marathon and ate my body weight in chocolate before going to work at half 8. Nothing interesting, just your average Boxing Day. On a bad note, the bruise on my arm looks terrible - it's now progressed to a gigantic, noticable purply-brown fucker that catches the eye of anyone within a 3 mile radius. Spent about 20 minutes trying to convince a particularly indignant punter that I was not being domestically abused.
Alice's turn for Come Dine with Me tomorrow. Can't wait!!
And on that note, I'm off. Tatty-bye!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh, I am so fucking pleased I got dressed up for work tonight! A quite good-looking 21 year-old lad called Oliver (one of the punters) asked for my number. Oh happy days! Was a very average shift, very strange..... I expected it to be quiet and it was quite busy - then I expected it to be busier but it was quiet. Very strange.... I wore my new big fluffy belted jumper with a white vest, short ruffled skirt, leggings and brown boots. With a charm bracelet, heart pendant, and (straightened) pulled back hair. Nothing special, but the sort of nice I'm-celebrating-Christmas-homely-barmaid look.
Anyway, got chatting to him while he was stood with his mates (older), who kept telling me he wanted my number - although I didn't believe them as they were ever so slightly pissed. But it turned out he did! Blimey. Waited until he bought me a drink (twice) before writing my number on a betting slip. Have to say, he looked quite chuffed. So continued chatting to him and said mates (and not doing much work) all night. They constantly told me how nice he was, one lifted up his shirt sleeve to show me his biceps (3 words: Oh. Good. GOD!! *fans self*) and we chatted some more - asking about uni, jobs, and the like. it turns out he does LOTS of weight-lifting at the gym. Clearly! This carried on for a while, until Landlady called an early Last Orders. Which, needless to say, caused Rhianne and I to literally jump around in excitement. We cleaned up, talking to Oliver all the while, as he stayed behind, even after all his mates had gone. I chatted to him some more and started sweeping up - eventually he gave me a lovely hug (arm lingering round waist and everything) and left. I bounced around squealing while everyone rolled their eyes. Well, give me credit, it's been almost a YEAR since I got all sparkly over a guy! A girl needs a-romancin'!
Oooh, did I mention? Landlady and Landlord gave Rhianne and I a LITRE BOTTLE OF SMIRNOFF VODKA each as a Christmas present. Good Lord, now that I didn't expect..... Hadn't got them anything, which made me feel bad for about 5 seconds, before thinking "VODKA!!!!!!!" Sweet.
So yeah. Oli (as he apparently liked to be known) promised to text in the morning, despite me predicting he'd be too pissed to remember. That's one of my best techniques, you see, you frequently tell your potential paramour not to worry, that you know they've drank a lot, will probably forget to text, and that you don't mind. They insist they won't forget. You insist they will. By the end of the night, you've gone over it so much, it is ingrained into their head, and they would behead their own mothers to prove you wrong, and text you the next morning. Genius, no?
Got home, ate the rest of a chocolate trifle and came up to bed. Exchanged this series of texts:
HIM: "Hi, really hope this is ur number and u got home ok, text me if im textin the right person"
ME: "Well it depends - who are you trying to reach? It's Katrina anyway, and yes I did get home safe. Is this Ollie?"
HIM: "Yup, but it's Oli, not Ollie plz, if u don't mind, glad u got home safe. I thought u were really nice, can't believe u don't have a bf!!"
ME: "Well, that's very kind of you to say so, Oli! Lol. You were very nice too..... even if your mates were trying to pimp you out, haha"
HIM: "No, I'm not the pimpy kind of guy (i'm a big softy rly) altho don't let anyone no it. I play rugby league n i hate being soft, but i thought u were rly nice!"
ME: "Lol, thank you! Ah, a rugby player, impressive...... (*wink face*) I love rugby, my brother plays it too! Well, I'm off to bed, got work tomorrow. Night night! xxx"
Very nearly (upon his disbelief at me not having a boyfriend) made a crack about it being "because I have extreme schizophrenia and give terrible head." But then I realised, as a sheer matter of pride that I'd have to then tell him I actually give good head (and have the book to prove it) - and then that would either make me seem like I was a mental or a self-advertiser. Hmmm, intrigueing! Left it in the end, as you can see. Well, at least someone new to fancy would distract me from thinking about Lee very selfishly having a girlfriend..... Speaking of which, I'm in work tomorrow, maybe I'll see him, if indeed he still has his job (*worry worry*). Surely he will do, he's a fucking BRILLIANT manager, everyone agrees. Can just imagine starting a petition. Or would that look too keen.....?
Apart from said pub incident, nothing really to report about today. I woke up about half 1, mooched around all day, we had leftovers for tea - I had a "Blackadder" marathon and ate my body weight in chocolate before going to work at half 8. Nothing interesting, just your average Boxing Day. On a bad note, the bruise on my arm looks terrible - it's now progressed to a gigantic, noticable purply-brown fucker that catches the eye of anyone within a 3 mile radius. Spent about 20 minutes trying to convince a particularly indignant punter that I was not being domestically abused.
Alice's turn for Come Dine with Me tomorrow. Can't wait!!
And on that note, I'm off. Tatty-bye!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday, 25 December 2008
So this is Christmas.......
Dear Diary,
MERRY CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!
Joy to the world and peace to all man and womankind, etc... etc...!!
Woke up very abruptly after a rather disturbing dream, in which Lisa, Alice and I were on a school trip, only for the place to get flooded and us to jump off the bunkbeds, and use all our swimming-lesson knowledge to drift ourselves out of there - whilst taking large amounts of cash and holding our phones between our teeth (Credit crunch interpretation, anyone?) But woke up as suddenly as if I'd been slapped, a nanosecond before realising IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY!! Which Dad voiced rather loudly upon entering my room to wake me up.
Stayed in bed for quite a while - well, I was up late blogging..... ;) - but eventually ran downstairs about 11 to a few presents, the best of which being a hot pink DIGITAL CAMERA!!! Yeah, bitch!! (That honestly was not an insult to anyone, it's just sumat I shout triumphantly every now and then) So naturally proceeded to take photos of everyone and everything.
Helped Mum prepare starters in the kitchen for a bit, before going round to Auntie Sarah's. Got licked to death by her dog and received a bag of presents, including a too-short-but-very-cosy pair of PJ's. Nice! And she LOVED our presents. Funny moment: Asking for a (single) vodka and coke - took a massive gulp, only to discover that her husband had given me the amount equivalent to a triple. Now, I can handle triple vodkas - I spent 3 years drinking them at an establishment that sells them for under £2 in Liverpool - but I at least need a WARNING!!
Got home - family came round at half 1. Dinner was wonderful - and felt even better because I'd helped prepare it this year. And can now strike something off the "Things to do before I'm 30" list in my mind - I have now tried Lobster. Verdict - One fine-arse motherfucker. Now I know why it's so expensive...... Mmmmmm..... Although have discovered something quite worrying: I helped take out the starters. And while the starters were being eaten, I thought "Right, remove the christmas cracker rubbish." Which I did. As soon as the starters were finished I automatically removed the plates and cutlery, stacked the dishwasher, and served the main course. Following which, I removed napkins and empty glasses, without even thinking about it. You know what this means, don't you?
I am a trained professional. I have embibed the rules of the silver service I picked up at the L*********, it has been hammered into me and I now cannot rid myself of the habit. Even found myself picking up empty wine glasses and chocolate wrappers in the lounge later on! And no-one had asked me to! Oh dear god........
TOP 5 BEST PRESENTS (Given)
Tickets to Strictly Come Dancing (for Mum - she bloody LOVES the show)
Leona Lewis' album (Mum again - she's wanted it for AGES)
First Aid kit (Shaun - something actually useful for his travels)
BJ book (Lisa and Alice - Best advice I have ever dispersed in book form)
Much sought-after Issey Myaki aftershave (Dad - reaction was fantastic)
TOP 5 BEST PRESENTS (Received)
Digital Camera (my life is now complete)
Swarovski necklace (ditto. No other shop fills me with such wonder and joy, and now I own something from there)
Massive fluffy belted jumper (I love Shaun. Been after one of them for ages)
Entire collection of "Blackadder" on DVD (yes! yes! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!)
Jean Paul Gaultier perfume (everyone has a signature scent. Expensive as it is, this is mine. It is sex in spray form. Usually get it once a year, whether birthday or Christmas. Still - YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!)
After dinner we reclined for hours - watching Corrie and attempting to play games. My team absolutely THRASHED the other in the "Now that's what I call music" interactive quiz (*proudly adjusts collar*). Eventually Auntie, Dave and Grandma left - while Shaun went to work, leaving me, Mum and Dad to chill for a long TV session. Mum soon went to bed, upon which Dad and I shared a bottle of wine, stuffed our faces with chocolate, moaned about how incredibly full we were, and laughed till we nearly vomitted at the "Blackadder Rides Again" documentary - agreeing that Rowan Atkinson and Richard Curtis are gods in human form. Is it wrong that I find Rowan Atkinson quite attractive..........?
Sent out a few Christmas texts to friends earlier. Was UNBELIEVABLY surprised to recieve one from Zara last night. Surely if she was still mad at me, she wouldn't have sent one at all? Replied anyway but got very excited - could this be a peace offering.....?! Season of forgiveness and all.........
Anyway, off to bed now - feel incredibly full, slightly tired, and a little bit pissed. To all (if anyone!) reading, have a very joyous and outstanding sweet-arse Christmas, full of love, happiness, and Fererro Rochers - the best gift the world has ever given.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: knackered but happy
Current Music: "Cluster One" - Pink Floyd
MERRY CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!!!
Joy to the world and peace to all man and womankind, etc... etc...!!
Woke up very abruptly after a rather disturbing dream, in which Lisa, Alice and I were on a school trip, only for the place to get flooded and us to jump off the bunkbeds, and use all our swimming-lesson knowledge to drift ourselves out of there - whilst taking large amounts of cash and holding our phones between our teeth (Credit crunch interpretation, anyone?) But woke up as suddenly as if I'd been slapped, a nanosecond before realising IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY!! Which Dad voiced rather loudly upon entering my room to wake me up.
Stayed in bed for quite a while - well, I was up late blogging..... ;) - but eventually ran downstairs about 11 to a few presents, the best of which being a hot pink DIGITAL CAMERA!!! Yeah, bitch!! (That honestly was not an insult to anyone, it's just sumat I shout triumphantly every now and then) So naturally proceeded to take photos of everyone and everything.
Helped Mum prepare starters in the kitchen for a bit, before going round to Auntie Sarah's. Got licked to death by her dog and received a bag of presents, including a too-short-but-very-cosy pair of PJ's. Nice! And she LOVED our presents. Funny moment: Asking for a (single) vodka and coke - took a massive gulp, only to discover that her husband had given me the amount equivalent to a triple. Now, I can handle triple vodkas - I spent 3 years drinking them at an establishment that sells them for under £2 in Liverpool - but I at least need a WARNING!!
Got home - family came round at half 1. Dinner was wonderful - and felt even better because I'd helped prepare it this year. And can now strike something off the "Things to do before I'm 30" list in my mind - I have now tried Lobster. Verdict - One fine-arse motherfucker. Now I know why it's so expensive...... Mmmmmm..... Although have discovered something quite worrying: I helped take out the starters. And while the starters were being eaten, I thought "Right, remove the christmas cracker rubbish." Which I did. As soon as the starters were finished I automatically removed the plates and cutlery, stacked the dishwasher, and served the main course. Following which, I removed napkins and empty glasses, without even thinking about it. You know what this means, don't you?
I am a trained professional. I have embibed the rules of the silver service I picked up at the L*********, it has been hammered into me and I now cannot rid myself of the habit. Even found myself picking up empty wine glasses and chocolate wrappers in the lounge later on! And no-one had asked me to! Oh dear god........
TOP 5 BEST PRESENTS (Given)
Tickets to Strictly Come Dancing (for Mum - she bloody LOVES the show)
Leona Lewis' album (Mum again - she's wanted it for AGES)
First Aid kit (Shaun - something actually useful for his travels)
BJ book (Lisa and Alice - Best advice I have ever dispersed in book form)
Much sought-after Issey Myaki aftershave (Dad - reaction was fantastic)
TOP 5 BEST PRESENTS (Received)
Digital Camera (my life is now complete)
Swarovski necklace (ditto. No other shop fills me with such wonder and joy, and now I own something from there)
Massive fluffy belted jumper (I love Shaun. Been after one of them for ages)
Entire collection of "Blackadder" on DVD (yes! yes! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!)
Jean Paul Gaultier perfume (everyone has a signature scent. Expensive as it is, this is mine. It is sex in spray form. Usually get it once a year, whether birthday or Christmas. Still - YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!)
After dinner we reclined for hours - watching Corrie and attempting to play games. My team absolutely THRASHED the other in the "Now that's what I call music" interactive quiz (*proudly adjusts collar*). Eventually Auntie, Dave and Grandma left - while Shaun went to work, leaving me, Mum and Dad to chill for a long TV session. Mum soon went to bed, upon which Dad and I shared a bottle of wine, stuffed our faces with chocolate, moaned about how incredibly full we were, and laughed till we nearly vomitted at the "Blackadder Rides Again" documentary - agreeing that Rowan Atkinson and Richard Curtis are gods in human form. Is it wrong that I find Rowan Atkinson quite attractive..........?
Sent out a few Christmas texts to friends earlier. Was UNBELIEVABLY surprised to recieve one from Zara last night. Surely if she was still mad at me, she wouldn't have sent one at all? Replied anyway but got very excited - could this be a peace offering.....?! Season of forgiveness and all.........
Anyway, off to bed now - feel incredibly full, slightly tired, and a little bit pissed. To all (if anyone!) reading, have a very joyous and outstanding sweet-arse Christmas, full of love, happiness, and Fererro Rochers - the best gift the world has ever given.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: knackered but happy
Current Music: "Cluster One" - Pink Floyd
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Speedy update
Dear Diary,
To bring you up to date, before I depart to Snooze-land before tomorrow:
Yesterday's shift was awful BECAUSE:
To bring you up to date, before I depart to Snooze-land before tomorrow:
Yesterday's shift was awful BECAUSE:
- Only 3 of us were in, which included a power-hungry Team Leader. Us 3, and 3 alone had to do every single job ALL day. Knackering as fook.
- In an attempt to eat as little as possible before Come Dine With Me, bought a Turkey stuffing sandwich from Staff Canteen. And it was fucking VILE.
- We didn't get HALFWAY through the jobs. We in big trouble......
- I managed to trip and topple a steel cage containing 6000 washed, polished, counted and organised knives, forks and spoons - which, despite my trying desperately to catch them, scattered all over the floor....... just as Carmichael turned the corner and saw me. Nice. I also now have about 7 lovely new bruises, 6 in a cluster on my right shin, and a big dock-off beast along my arm. Tasty.
- Lee was not there, when he should've been. Why? Because he was being interviewed. ABOUT THE EVENTS OF SATURDAY NIGHT. Of course, we were thinking; "What a legend - we've all become such good friends and he likes us so much, he's presented us with a free bar for the night!" Which I'm told was true - but of course, none of us REALLY stopped to think how bad it might look to the superiors....... a 23 year-old lad authorising an un-authorised FREE bar, and letting us get pissed and boogie down on L********** property till the early hours, without fully making sure everyone got home safe and taking responsibility. Doesn't look too rosy, does it? Anyway, he was off being interviewed - I prayed he wouldn't lose his job over it.
- Aforemention Power Hungry Team Leader. What a boring bastard he was today. Ended up sacking off the turkey sandwich to wander round the shopping centre, he was annoying me that much.
- Going out on Party Room 2 Terrace for a quick "fag break" (without the fag), and staring wistfully at the view. Looked at the cranes, decorated with fairy lights, and felt a glow in my heart at the thought of these builders, determined to bring Christmas to all by making the effort and stringing up lights. Conveyed this to Other Worker, her reply was: "No, it's so the planes don't fly too low and crash into them." Oh.
CDWM was excellent. In true Katrina-stylee I was behind on almost everything I did, forgot to do loads of stuff, was massively dis-organised, but everything came together in the end! Gave them both the same present - a fantastic Ann Summers endorsed missive, entitled "How to give a mind-blowing BJ". Bought it myself last year. Two words: Pure. Gold. Simply READING it had Aaron crossing his legs when he saw it by my bed one time....... Loved the meals, finished the wine, watched "Knocked Up" and laughed harder than I have done in ages. A success, in my eyes!
Just come back from takeaway at Auntie's. I had a FINE-arse Prawn Curry, and my fortune cookie told me "Thursday will be your lucky day". Thursday happens to be tomorrow - ie: Christmas Day. The way I see it, that could mean two things:
A) I will be very lucky to have such a lovely family get-together, at which I'm allowed to help cook and will receive presents and watch Christmas TV.
B) Something outstanding will happen. Something lucky. Dammit, why didn't I do the Lottery?!
Hmmmmm...... Anyway. We watched and howled at episodes of "Not going out" followed by Top 50 Comedy moments, then, about half 11, went home carrying bags of presents for under the treeeeeeeeeee!!
KAT'S TOP 5 THINGS I LOVE WITH HEART AND SOUL ABOUT CHRISTMAS:
1) Decorations - in particular, fairy lights. They are EVERYWHERE and I fucking LOVE IT. They brighten up houses, make everywhere look automatically cheerful, bring a smile to my face whenever I see them, and make a real testament to the British sense of enthusiasm and effort. Have had fairy lights mounted in every uni residence I resided in - and would genuinely decorate my room with tinsel, if it wasn't so insanely weird.
2) Takeaway. An O'Donnell family tradition. Need I say more? I'm a creature of habit
3) Made for TV Christmas TV. This year's line-up is outstanding. Besides, what else are you meant to do in between eating, unwrapping presents and drinking? Go for a walk? Bite me.
4) Christmas songs - I can never get enough of them. Not even after 4 weeks of them on a loop at the Pub and the L***********. So damned brilliant. My faves: "Fairytale of New York," "So here it is Merry Christmas", and "I wish it could be Christmas every day". Utter catchiness.
5) The sheer excitement of it all. It grips the country, and is almost better than the actual event. Nothing produces tingles of excitement quite like national anticipation. Hence why I love the World Cup.
Right, I'm off to bed. Season's greetings, etc... and I'll see you tomorrow, folks!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
CHRISTMAS EVE, Y'ALL!!!
Dear Diary,
Last shift was depressing. Last night was fantastic! Don't have time to go into detail on either right now, will attempt a full recap if I have time tomorrow...... But dinner party was awesome, it had to be said.
Woke up to a dazzling pink-gold Christmas Eve-themed sky with Lisa leaping on my bed and shrieking "MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" into my face. Made bacon butties, hung around for a bit, then Alice drove me into town.
There is nothing finer in this world than a pub lunch. Sitting around, eating fantastic food with your mates, watching music videos and laughing till your sides split - you can't beat it. Just come home from said pub lunch in town with Alice and several old friends (all male) - followed by frantic last minute Christmas Eve gift buying. Have to say, it was fantastic walking round Boots, looking at all the men staring distractedly at hair-straighteners and perfumes with fear in their eyes..... I couldn't stop grinning. Not to mention I bloody LOVE that desperate, last-minute-but-still-breathlessly-exciting air there is in town, as everyone zooms along as if on wheels, and EVERYONE is carrying shopping bags. I love it. That, for me, is what Christmas is about. That, and fairy lights. I could look at them forever.
I BOUGHT:
Grandma's Xmas gift
Auntie's Xmas gift
Shaun's Xmas gift
Hair de-frizzing serum
Led Zeppelin t-shirt
"The Division Bell" by Pink Floyd
The last one was Nigel's recommendation (he came shopping with me before we caught the bus). Following a long discussion of music over lunch, and watching part of "The Wall" on Sky+ the other night (bizarre as fuck, no wonder Floyd fans smoke weed) I was intrigued to see what the fuss was about, and decided to visit one of my old favourite music shops - which had been there since I was in high school, and still remained. Yeah, fuck the Credit Crunch! Enlisted Nigel's help, he said for Pink Floyd, The Division Bell was a brilliant first album to start with. Besides, he described it as "stunning" - and anything can be labelled as such is surely worth a look (or a listen), in my opinion.
There was something special and exciting about buying an album again. I think the last one I got was Tori Amos's outstanding "American Doll Posse" last year. I suppose now, the tsunami of Itunes, downloads and the like has blotted out the need to spend money on music anymore.
That is why I LOVE music shops. They're always there, because people ALWAYS like music. Who doesn't?
Currently sat on bed listening to said album, madly wrapping presents and trying to change outfits. All simultaneously. We're going up to Auntie's for a takeaway at 8. Happy days!
A pleasant Christmas Eve to each and every one of you!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: "Poles Apart" - Pink Floyd
Last shift was depressing. Last night was fantastic! Don't have time to go into detail on either right now, will attempt a full recap if I have time tomorrow...... But dinner party was awesome, it had to be said.
Woke up to a dazzling pink-gold Christmas Eve-themed sky with Lisa leaping on my bed and shrieking "MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" into my face. Made bacon butties, hung around for a bit, then Alice drove me into town.
There is nothing finer in this world than a pub lunch. Sitting around, eating fantastic food with your mates, watching music videos and laughing till your sides split - you can't beat it. Just come home from said pub lunch in town with Alice and several old friends (all male) - followed by frantic last minute Christmas Eve gift buying. Have to say, it was fantastic walking round Boots, looking at all the men staring distractedly at hair-straighteners and perfumes with fear in their eyes..... I couldn't stop grinning. Not to mention I bloody LOVE that desperate, last-minute-but-still-breathlessly-exciting air there is in town, as everyone zooms along as if on wheels, and EVERYONE is carrying shopping bags. I love it. That, for me, is what Christmas is about. That, and fairy lights. I could look at them forever.
I BOUGHT:
Grandma's Xmas gift
Auntie's Xmas gift
Shaun's Xmas gift
Hair de-frizzing serum
Led Zeppelin t-shirt
"The Division Bell" by Pink Floyd
The last one was Nigel's recommendation (he came shopping with me before we caught the bus). Following a long discussion of music over lunch, and watching part of "The Wall" on Sky+ the other night (bizarre as fuck, no wonder Floyd fans smoke weed) I was intrigued to see what the fuss was about, and decided to visit one of my old favourite music shops - which had been there since I was in high school, and still remained. Yeah, fuck the Credit Crunch! Enlisted Nigel's help, he said for Pink Floyd, The Division Bell was a brilliant first album to start with. Besides, he described it as "stunning" - and anything can be labelled as such is surely worth a look (or a listen), in my opinion.
There was something special and exciting about buying an album again. I think the last one I got was Tori Amos's outstanding "American Doll Posse" last year. I suppose now, the tsunami of Itunes, downloads and the like has blotted out the need to spend money on music anymore.
That is why I LOVE music shops. They're always there, because people ALWAYS like music. Who doesn't?
Currently sat on bed listening to said album, madly wrapping presents and trying to change outfits. All simultaneously. We're going up to Auntie's for a takeaway at 8. Happy days!
A pleasant Christmas Eve to each and every one of you!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: "Poles Apart" - Pink Floyd
Monday, 22 December 2008
Wide awake......
Dear Diary,
Well, I made it. My first all-nighter since uni, and I'm pleased to say I got a few jobs done! The table is set for tonight, my phone is charged, my nails look fab, and my Ipod has never been so stuffed.
Downsides: I fucking hate Lemsips - nothing tastes nice after you've had one of these steamy bastards. Completely ruined my sausage butty - it tasted all lemony.
I've also lost my Ipod after updating. Oh my bloody fucking god and all his minions. Cannot possibly contemplate journey to work without music to listen to. Where the hell IS it??!
Right, off for a shower before taking more medication. If this is the last time I see Lee before January, and the first time I see him since that monstrosity last Saturday, I want to be drugged up to the eyeballs. And not just to stave off flu.......
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well, I made it. My first all-nighter since uni, and I'm pleased to say I got a few jobs done! The table is set for tonight, my phone is charged, my nails look fab, and my Ipod has never been so stuffed.
Downsides: I fucking hate Lemsips - nothing tastes nice after you've had one of these steamy bastards. Completely ruined my sausage butty - it tasted all lemony.
I've also lost my Ipod after updating. Oh my bloody fucking god and all his minions. Cannot possibly contemplate journey to work without music to listen to. Where the hell IS it??!
Right, off for a shower before taking more medication. If this is the last time I see Lee before January, and the first time I see him since that monstrosity last Saturday, I want to be drugged up to the eyeballs. And not just to stave off flu.......
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Early morning musings
Dear Diary,
So, it is currently 3 oclock in the morning, and - after three solid hours of distraction via Ipod, book, tossing, turning, listening to my stomach churning and growling, snuffling and squeaking whilst breathing - I have discovered I am too ill to sleep. My throat feels like someone's parked a car in it, and I don't even feel remotely tired.
Tried to wear myself out with an old trick I've been doing since high school - staring out at the street. There's something just so calm and peaceful about watching the world outside your window standing completely still, and then experiencing a tiny flicker of excitement when something DOES happen - be it a car going past or a late night walker. Use to do this a LOT in last year at uni - as my kitchen window not only opened and had a ledge to sit on, but overlooked a stunning lamp display opposite a bank, that always made me happy when I saw it. I'd sometimes sit there at about 5am when I couldn't get to sleep, listen to my Ipod as loudly as possible, often singing along (since there was no-one to hear me), and wondering whether the occasional person walking past could ever feel that someone was watching them. They never looked up and saw me, in any case. Tonight I thought (or maybe just imagined) I saw the curtains opposite twitch slightly - and wondered if I was the only person who did this, and if someone could see me. If not, we have pretty damn trusting neighbours - almost all of their curtains were open.
Spent most of today in bed, not even eating - so I know this is worryingly serious. Eventually managed to turf myself out into the foggy streets to brave pre-Christmas Tesco, which, surprisingly, wasn't that busy. Thoroughly enjoyed walking round with a trolley, picking up ingredients and sensible food and pretending to be a normal person. Cheered myself up somewhat with the purchase of lipgloss, Herbal Essence shampoo and knickers (3 pairs for a fiver). Although was slightly alarmed, when perusing the knickers, to recognise at least 6 pairs that were residing in my underwear drawer back home. Eek.
Walked home in the fog, contemplating just how utterly fantastic a song "Let's get it on" is. Not only does Marvin Gaye have the most magnificent voice, but the whole thing is like softcore porn - dripping with saxophones and wildly sexy. There's a reason that song is used in almost every single seduction scene in TV or film - because it is a turn-on in itself. Yes, it is simply a few minutes of a man begging a woman to have sex with him, but it remains one of my favourite songs of all time, and I listened to it about 3 times at maximum volume all the way home.
Pub shift was fairly steady tonight. Lisa and Alice came in, which cheered me up immensely, even if I didn't get much chance to chat. Ooh, and with the aid of a pen, some quick-thinking, and a couple of blank betting slips - I was able to present them with a sample Menu for tomorrow! It's just occurred to me that I may not have mentioned it.........
In a nutshell - Lisa, Alice and I are re-creating the classic show "Come Dine with Me" over 3 consecutive days during the Christmas holidays, ie: having dinner parties and showing off our cooking skills, basically. I, rather nerve-wrackingly, have been chosen to go first - and my day is tomorrow. After several weeks (or minutes) of thinking and planning, I can now present you, as I did them, with the finished result:
So, it is currently 3 oclock in the morning, and - after three solid hours of distraction via Ipod, book, tossing, turning, listening to my stomach churning and growling, snuffling and squeaking whilst breathing - I have discovered I am too ill to sleep. My throat feels like someone's parked a car in it, and I don't even feel remotely tired.
Tried to wear myself out with an old trick I've been doing since high school - staring out at the street. There's something just so calm and peaceful about watching the world outside your window standing completely still, and then experiencing a tiny flicker of excitement when something DOES happen - be it a car going past or a late night walker. Use to do this a LOT in last year at uni - as my kitchen window not only opened and had a ledge to sit on, but overlooked a stunning lamp display opposite a bank, that always made me happy when I saw it. I'd sometimes sit there at about 5am when I couldn't get to sleep, listen to my Ipod as loudly as possible, often singing along (since there was no-one to hear me), and wondering whether the occasional person walking past could ever feel that someone was watching them. They never looked up and saw me, in any case. Tonight I thought (or maybe just imagined) I saw the curtains opposite twitch slightly - and wondered if I was the only person who did this, and if someone could see me. If not, we have pretty damn trusting neighbours - almost all of their curtains were open.
Spent most of today in bed, not even eating - so I know this is worryingly serious. Eventually managed to turf myself out into the foggy streets to brave pre-Christmas Tesco, which, surprisingly, wasn't that busy. Thoroughly enjoyed walking round with a trolley, picking up ingredients and sensible food and pretending to be a normal person. Cheered myself up somewhat with the purchase of lipgloss, Herbal Essence shampoo and knickers (3 pairs for a fiver). Although was slightly alarmed, when perusing the knickers, to recognise at least 6 pairs that were residing in my underwear drawer back home. Eek.
Walked home in the fog, contemplating just how utterly fantastic a song "Let's get it on" is. Not only does Marvin Gaye have the most magnificent voice, but the whole thing is like softcore porn - dripping with saxophones and wildly sexy. There's a reason that song is used in almost every single seduction scene in TV or film - because it is a turn-on in itself. Yes, it is simply a few minutes of a man begging a woman to have sex with him, but it remains one of my favourite songs of all time, and I listened to it about 3 times at maximum volume all the way home.
Pub shift was fairly steady tonight. Lisa and Alice came in, which cheered me up immensely, even if I didn't get much chance to chat. Ooh, and with the aid of a pen, some quick-thinking, and a couple of blank betting slips - I was able to present them with a sample Menu for tomorrow! It's just occurred to me that I may not have mentioned it.........
In a nutshell - Lisa, Alice and I are re-creating the classic show "Come Dine with Me" over 3 consecutive days during the Christmas holidays, ie: having dinner parties and showing off our cooking skills, basically. I, rather nerve-wrackingly, have been chosen to go first - and my day is tomorrow. After several weeks (or minutes) of thinking and planning, I can now present you, as I did them, with the finished result:
KATRINA O'DONNELL
..... cordially invites you to Come Dine with Her, on the eve of Christmas Eve, at 8pm.
MENU:
Chicken liver and brandy Parfait with a side salad
____ * ____
Rosemary and garlic lamb chops, served in a port sauce with mustard-flavoured mashed potato and broccolli
____ * ____
Syrup-drizzled Brownie Crumble Ice Cream with truffles
What do you think? Snazz factory, eh? Obviously didn't look quite so classy when scrawled on the reverse of a betting slip, but dammit, I used Calligraphy! And yes, I may be a BIT of a cop-out by not making my own pudding, but there's no way on EARTH I'd have time to start preparing a third course, not between now and then, anyway. But yeah, by tomorrow evening, the whole Menu will be typed and laminated for my eager guests. I literally cannot wait. Prepared the starter tonight, so as to be mega-organised (as I have one last L*********** shift from 9 till 5:30 tomorrow) - with a little help from Mum, as I've never done pate' before. Thankfully she seems to be at least TALKING to me again, even if we're not QUITE back to our old ways just yet. Fair enough. We always start talking by at least the next day (well, it's pretty damned difficult to blank someone you live with) - and as it's Christmas week it was BOUND to speed up somewhat...... Happy days!
The rest of the shift was same old same old: the usual come-ons still thrown out with slurred enthusiasm, as if they think that by saying the same bloody thing every time that I'll eventually be swayed and persuaded into being romanced by someone who does nothing but drink pints of Black every night and has more wrinkles than decency. Staring CONSTANTLY at me (even when I appear to be looking the other way) with droopy basset-hound's eyes and frequently telling me I'm attractive is NOT a viable seduction technique. Being incredibly near my own age and kissing my neck and back to the strains of "Let's get it on" is. Take note, you alarming fuckers.
Good gravy - it's 4am. Now arises the difficult question that hasn't popped up since uni; should I go to sleep and risk not hearing my alarm and waking up in time for work, (having had only 2 hours sleep) OR should I simply stay awake right through till half 6, so as to GUARANTEE that I'll be up? God knows I've done it before, and all it would require is plenty of Diet Coke, chocolate, and a fuck-load of ProPlus throughout the day. Besides, I have several jobs that need doing that would occupy me a while..... I could:
- Paint my nails
- Wrap Lisa and Alice's Christmas presents
- Type up, print off and laminate CDWM Menus
- Shower, wash and straighten my hair
- Pick an outfit to wear for dinner
- Iron my uniform
- Re-make my bed (forgot to put the sheets back on before work, eek)
- Re-tidy my room
- Lay the dining room table IN ADVANCE (and then some!)
- Download the 38 songs I've been meaning to download for AGES
- Create a Dinner Playlist for my Ipod
- Drink more Lemsip
- Catch up on "Lost" (haven't seen Season 4 in MONTHS - almost forgotten what happened)
- Do another blog
OK, that last one might make me seem a little obsessive, but it's become a natural habit when I'm bored. So, if another blog appears in under an hour or so - you will know that I am not only still awake, but bored out of my tiny little mind
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: still not tired
Current Music: "Funkytown" - Lipps Inc (turned down very low, as it is 4am)
Sunday, 21 December 2008
Pisshead Philosophy
Dear Diary,
Two blogs in one day! I guess now I'm not working the L********* anymore I'll have to go back to not having any trace of a life......
Work at the pub was hell on wheels. Was in with Sam - who never seems to feel the need to talk me as much as normal people do. Lisa popped in, which was wicked - chatting away and casually brushing off the alarming come-ons that get hurled enthusiastically towards any female under 50 in that place. The punters, trying to place her accent, put her as "Southern" - I was laughing for about 20 minutes afterwards. Told her a short version of last night's events, although didn't go into too much detail for fear of breaking down again..... Soon after she left, a guy who looked and sounded UNCANNILY like Lee came in - I jumped about a mile and got crazy butterflies. And then felt a little bit sad because I am such a collossal twat.
Thankfully wasn't faced with the usual annoying people, scary come-ons or Landlady's hard-arsedness tonight, which meant that all I had to worry about was coping with the raging hangover and developing cold. Ugh. Grr. Not feeling it now, obviously, but it was a strange, almost drugged-up hangover - I was very aware of every inch of my body (which was aching like a bastard) and everything around me, more so than usual, and yet, everything just seemed to whizz past me, like it was another world - I was a world in myself and I'd been taken out and placed in this strange, unfamiliar one....... Hmm. Goddamn Mandarin Vodka.
Did give me chance to have a think, though. I was thinking a lot about last night, and the way I always behave when I get pissed. Now, I've been told by friends that I'm a "funny drunk," and I'm just like myself, but on Speed. But I remembered the conversations I had with Lee, and how I always seem to feel this mad need to explain EVERYTHING and justify myself, and apologise for things other people had completely dismissed. In a nutshell, I turn into the kind of paranoid, self-righteous, I-want-to-tell-people-the-god's-honest-truth nutter I've spent the last few weeks clearing up after and glaring at with contempt.
Need to get out of this habit. I want to become the fun, flirty, but classy and pulled-together lady you always see at parties who people respect a hell of a lot more than the crazy, laughing, shouting mad-head, downing Sambucas and telling her managers how fantastic they are.
Especially for this party we're having in January (which was confirmed last night - the dress WILL have an outing after all!!). This time, I don't want people's impression of me to be the wide-eyed, stary, crazy bitch who challenged everyone to a drinking game before passing out on her boss's sofa. I want to be known as the funny class-act in the gorgeous dress, who knows how to have fun without losing control, binging like a MOTHER and waking up feeling like a re-animated corpse. Hmm. Must think up a strategy. Maybe can discreetly pour away my drinks, or pace myself with frequent water. Anything has to be better than last night.......
Currently lying in bed, propped up against my snuggly giant cushion. Wondering what on earth I'm going to say to Lee on Tuesday. Do I go the normal route - laugh it all off, declare what a mad night it was and thank him for the hospitality? Or do I go the Kat route - apologise for crashing and walking in his room when he wasn't decent and make a weird joke about seeing her boss semi-naked?
Don't answer that.
Just sat here, thinking about it all. I still can't really believe any of it happened, let alone that it was only under 20 hours ago. Still, at least I got to go home with Lee - if not quite the way I'd hoped......
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: grumpy and low
Current Music: "Loaded" - Primal Scream
Two blogs in one day! I guess now I'm not working the L********* anymore I'll have to go back to not having any trace of a life......
Work at the pub was hell on wheels. Was in with Sam - who never seems to feel the need to talk me as much as normal people do. Lisa popped in, which was wicked - chatting away and casually brushing off the alarming come-ons that get hurled enthusiastically towards any female under 50 in that place. The punters, trying to place her accent, put her as "Southern" - I was laughing for about 20 minutes afterwards. Told her a short version of last night's events, although didn't go into too much detail for fear of breaking down again..... Soon after she left, a guy who looked and sounded UNCANNILY like Lee came in - I jumped about a mile and got crazy butterflies. And then felt a little bit sad because I am such a collossal twat.
Thankfully wasn't faced with the usual annoying people, scary come-ons or Landlady's hard-arsedness tonight, which meant that all I had to worry about was coping with the raging hangover and developing cold. Ugh. Grr. Not feeling it now, obviously, but it was a strange, almost drugged-up hangover - I was very aware of every inch of my body (which was aching like a bastard) and everything around me, more so than usual, and yet, everything just seemed to whizz past me, like it was another world - I was a world in myself and I'd been taken out and placed in this strange, unfamiliar one....... Hmm. Goddamn Mandarin Vodka.
Did give me chance to have a think, though. I was thinking a lot about last night, and the way I always behave when I get pissed. Now, I've been told by friends that I'm a "funny drunk," and I'm just like myself, but on Speed. But I remembered the conversations I had with Lee, and how I always seem to feel this mad need to explain EVERYTHING and justify myself, and apologise for things other people had completely dismissed. In a nutshell, I turn into the kind of paranoid, self-righteous, I-want-to-tell-people-the-god's-honest-truth nutter I've spent the last few weeks clearing up after and glaring at with contempt.
Need to get out of this habit. I want to become the fun, flirty, but classy and pulled-together lady you always see at parties who people respect a hell of a lot more than the crazy, laughing, shouting mad-head, downing Sambucas and telling her managers how fantastic they are.
Especially for this party we're having in January (which was confirmed last night - the dress WILL have an outing after all!!). This time, I don't want people's impression of me to be the wide-eyed, stary, crazy bitch who challenged everyone to a drinking game before passing out on her boss's sofa. I want to be known as the funny class-act in the gorgeous dress, who knows how to have fun without losing control, binging like a MOTHER and waking up feeling like a re-animated corpse. Hmm. Must think up a strategy. Maybe can discreetly pour away my drinks, or pace myself with frequent water. Anything has to be better than last night.......
Currently lying in bed, propped up against my snuggly giant cushion. Wondering what on earth I'm going to say to Lee on Tuesday. Do I go the normal route - laugh it all off, declare what a mad night it was and thank him for the hospitality? Or do I go the Kat route - apologise for crashing and walking in his room when he wasn't decent and make a weird joke about seeing her boss semi-naked?
Don't answer that.
Just sat here, thinking about it all. I still can't really believe any of it happened, let alone that it was only under 20 hours ago. Still, at least I got to go home with Lee - if not quite the way I'd hoped......
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: grumpy and low
Current Music: "Loaded" - Primal Scream
Fucked up beyond all recognition
Dear Diary,
Last night was probably the best (and worst) night EVER. Well, maybe not EVER, but at least this month.
But first, I will start by getting the bad news out of the way quickly - like ripping off a plaster to avoid the pain.....
So guess what I found out? Lee has a girlfriend.
Someone told me in the kitchen near the end of the shift. It just came up in the conversation - no idea how, but I just remember suddenly feeling a mix of extreme butterflies and sickness, like I'd been booted in the stomach. I was in a terrible mood for the rest of the shift, and didn't open my mouth once, I was that upset. I know I'm being foolish, I know I should've expected it, him being as good-looking as he is, but damn, it still hurt like crazy. Because now I feel that everything, getting attached, doing all these fancy new hairdos, getting all dollied up for work, buying party dresses, smiling constantly, laughing at everything he says - was just all for nothing. It was a waste of time, everything I've been working towards for months was pointless and now I'm hopelessly adrift and don't know what the hell to do with myself. It hurts even more, because if the chance arose for just a One-Night Stand with him, I wouldn't take it. Do you know why? Because I like him too damn much. I like him so badly, that I wouldn't want to fuck things up by having meaningless sex and lose his respect - whereas normally I would jump at the chance.
After finding out, I tripped off into the Party Room, dazedly stacking chairs and clearing tables. I had "White Flag" (The Diana Vickers version) in my head, and there were a particular few lines playing over and over on auto-pilot: "And when we meet / which I'm sure we will / all that was there will be there still / I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue / and you will think that I've moved on"
I, in the way that all other pretentious numptys whose hearts have just been broken, could do naught but pick up on these particular lyrics and relate them to my turmoil. And while I knew it was corny, all I felt like doing was crying.
After the party (which went fantastically) Carmichael and Lee went around asking people if they were staying for "a drink" - which we presumably thought was a little "Thank You Staff/Well Done Everyone It's Over!" tipple, on account. What I did NOT expect was to all take up residency in Party Room 1, with a free bar, till the wee small hours. And I mean that literally......
But I'm getting ahead of myself. First we all sat around 2 tables chatting loads. Lee had taken his blazer and tie off, and looked all normal and human and lovely. Despite knowing what I did, I still couldn't help talking and smiling at him. He eventually did an adorable little "Thank You" speech, and then went on to tell us how when he used to play football (mmmm..... sporty) the team would always go over the Good and Bad points of the game/season afterwards - and suggested something similar. My contribution was thus:
ME: "Bad times: Putting on about 8 STONE from eating all the fine Christmas food, being an absolute divvy and fainting one night....."
LEE: "You fainted?! Did I miss that??"
CARMICHAEL: "Yeah, you'd already gone home sick"
LEE: "Oh my god, I miss everything..... you should've wheeled me back in!"
(Laughter all around)
ME: "......oh, and Carmichael only seeing me the 2% of the time when I'm doing something I shouldn't be, never when I'm working hard!"
(More laughter)
ME: "Good times: As gay as it sounds, meeting all you lot, making wicked new friends and sat here right now having drinks with you fine people!"
Yeah, I know, corny corny. But every word was true, and I'm not taking it back. Anyway, the night (or morning) progressed - Lee (who was seeming more and more like a normal lad and not a manager) was pouring shots for everyone, people were dancing like crazy, plugging their Ipods into the decks, fighting over DJ rights and everyone was just back and forth to the bar, mixing their own drinks and gosh darn the consequences! It was wicked. Chatted to Lee quite a lot, about his football, (I've discovered I can do a very convincing "interested" face) how I thought he looked more like a rugby player (smooth, eh?) and his job/how he got it. Oh, and it turns out he's 23, not 24. Mmmmm. Oh yeah, and we ended up having a very drunken conversation outside on the terrace about me as a worker (I STILL have no idea how that started) - he told me I was good but just need to calm the hell down sometimes, not talk as much, and not ask stupid questions. I must have looked a little annoyed, because he started stressing how "fun" and "bubbly" I am to be around, but just need to tone it down in a work environment. Hmmm.... Got a hug off him, anyway. Yeah....... Doesn't seem to have a particular smell, which I totally thought he would have done. Another reason it was doomed, haha. Oh well, was just thanking CHRIST I didn't launch into a passionate declaration of my feelings (*shudder*) No-one ever wants to hear that, do they? Although I did get to the point where I was trying to tell him exactly why he was an amazing boss, and how "I'm not sucking up - but you are AWESOME - you have the authority but you're not a scary intimidating bastard......." Heaven help me.
Eighteen thousand drinks later, there was talk of an after-party, which Lee enigmatically declared was taking place "at a location near here" (his, basically), so we left. Drunkenly weaved through the streets for what felt like half a year. Lee and I chatted some more, I found an excuse to link arms with him (Actually, fuck excuses, if I'd have been walking unsupported for another minute I probably would've gone flat on my arse). Stopped at a Tesco Metro on the way while people stocked up on cigarettes and more booze - I inexplicably bought a ham sandwich, some crisps, and 10 Mayfair (Why? WHY?! I don't even SMOKE!!) Was very startled to look down at the receipt and notice that it was quarter to 8. IN THE MORNING. I literally had to pick my jaw up off the floor.
Got to Lee's a while later, at which I quite embarrassingly cried; "Wow, PIMP FLAT!!" which seemed to please him slightly. We all crashed, scarfing Pringles, drinking cider and watching Match of the Day. At that point, I remember being so drunk that everything was very amplified in my brain - I was gazing at the telly trying to focus on each individual player (ever though the colours were swimming), wondering what their back-story was, and what they were feeling as they kicked the ball around. Attempted to bagsy some sleeping space, but Lee point-blank refused to let anyone crash in his bed - so, in a fit of righteous vengeance, I passed out in the armchair.
Presumably someone had looked after me a little, as I woke up not only on the sofa, but underneath my coat. Sat up and looked around, doing that thing where you try to work out A) Where the hell you are B) What the hell you did and C) Where the hell everyone had gone. And then I looked at the clock - it was 2pm.
My stomach literally dropped - you know that feeling when you're so shocked and scared that you feel a sort of clunk in your belly, as if your heart has dropped through your body, like a game of Ker-Plunk. I dived for my bag, wrenched out my phone, and sure enough - 19 missed calls and 5 messages. Because, I realised, as my throat lurched, I was such a drunken twat that I'd forgotten to text the parents and let them know I was stopping out. Rang Mum and told her I was coming home - she was frostier than a snowman's nipple. Then came the madly embarrassing and yet wonderfully funny moment when I had to find Lee, or at least his flatmate. Went round knocking on the doors, until I came to his, elliciting an adorably sleepy-confused "Hello?" from the hidden depths.
So I poked my head round the door, and the first thing I noticed was that Lee, my boss, was in bed, wearing nothing but boxers. Or even naked! Gosh. I nearly went a little faint - and not just because of the copious amounts of Mandarin Vodka in my system. Took every ounce of willpower I possess to keep looking at his face, and not his chest or bedroom decorations.
ME: "Hi, did I wake you?"
LEE: "No, not at all - you alright?"
ME: "Yeah. Ummm....... so..... odd question, but where ARE we?"
LEE: "About 15 minutes from the L***********"
ME: "Okaaaaay...... is there a tram stop near here?"
LEE: "Yeah, just go downstairs, left at the hotel, past the roundabout, across the road and it's there"
ME: (*feeling, and looking confused*) OK.......... Oh my god, I feel AWFUL!"
LEE: "Yeah, me too!"
ME: Everyone's gone, you know, I didn't even hear them leave!"
LEE: "No, me neither......"
ME: "AND I forgot to let my parents know I was stopping out, so I've got about 25 missed calls and messages....."
LEE: "Oh no.....! Have you told them where you are?"
ME: "Yeah, it's alright, I've just rung now and told them we all crashed at our manager's flat."
(*Little pause, as we look at each other and simultaneously start giggling at the total and utter randomness of the situation*)
ME: "Right, what were those directions again?"
LEE: "Down in the lift, left at the hotel, past the roundabout, across the road."
ME: "OK cheers. Right, I'm gonna let you get more sleep - guess I'll see you Tuesday then!"
LEE: "Yep, see you Tuesday Kat....."
I'd like to hope my still-straight dishevelled hair, top-button-undone, rumpled appearance and my sleepy hangover voice were wildly sexy - but I guess it doesn't matter now, either way. Anyway, got my stuff and got to the tram stop OK. It was a very strange journey - almost hallucinatory. First the ticket machine didn't work, then I got the tram the wrong way so had to get off, cross the road and come back, and not to mention my swelling fear of coming home to irate parents. Sat in a sort of haze, practically seeing vapour trails following everyone, gazing out at the sky, which was that wonderful really dark dark blue, where the sun is barely out for clouds, but still lights up every building and makes them look white...... Then, of course, "White Flag" came on my Ipod, and I remembered that moment at the party. Am ashamed to say I had a wee involuntary tear, but managed to wipe it away before anyone noticed (I hope). Well, what can I say, I was technically still drunk - the fact that I was swaying as I waited for the tram confirmed this.
Got back to the bollocking of a LIFETIME from Mum and Dad - Dad coming out with "You've really outdone yourself this time, mate." That's when I KNOW I'm in the shit, as he only ever calls me "mate" when he's royally pissed off. Eek. Apparently Dad had gone down to the L************, got the receptionist to try calling Lee, asked every member of staff where I was and walked around the square. Mum had rung Auntie to see if I was at hers, who in turn got worried sick as well. Feebly tried to justify myself, (even though, really, I can't) before going up to my room, flopping on my bed in the dark and sobbing uncontrollably for about half an hour. Although, at some point, (possibly during those moments when you take a break from crying to sniff and blow your nose, before starting again) I found myself wondering if I was crying because I'd scared Mum and Dad so badly, or because it was a delayed reaction to finding out that I now have absolutely NO chance with the first guy I've really liked in AGES...........
Am now sat up in room where I've been since about 3 oclock, occasionally crying, reading, and typing. Only left it a few minutes ago to go downstairs, bolt my tea down in a separate room to Mum, and run back up again. Wasn't hungry anyway, let's just say the ham sandwich and crisps came in handy whilst waiting for the tram. Although was very surprised to find the cigarettes.
Have work at the pub in an hour. Completely cannot be arsed - especially since I stopped being drunk about 4 oclock and have now verged into madly hungover. Grrr. If anyone so much as LOOKS at me funny tonight, there's a chance some nads are getting ripped off. I just do not give a shit anymore.
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: "Damn, I wish I was your lover" - Tori Amos (there's an irony in itself)
Last night was probably the best (and worst) night EVER. Well, maybe not EVER, but at least this month.
But first, I will start by getting the bad news out of the way quickly - like ripping off a plaster to avoid the pain.....
So guess what I found out? Lee has a girlfriend.
Someone told me in the kitchen near the end of the shift. It just came up in the conversation - no idea how, but I just remember suddenly feeling a mix of extreme butterflies and sickness, like I'd been booted in the stomach. I was in a terrible mood for the rest of the shift, and didn't open my mouth once, I was that upset. I know I'm being foolish, I know I should've expected it, him being as good-looking as he is, but damn, it still hurt like crazy. Because now I feel that everything, getting attached, doing all these fancy new hairdos, getting all dollied up for work, buying party dresses, smiling constantly, laughing at everything he says - was just all for nothing. It was a waste of time, everything I've been working towards for months was pointless and now I'm hopelessly adrift and don't know what the hell to do with myself. It hurts even more, because if the chance arose for just a One-Night Stand with him, I wouldn't take it. Do you know why? Because I like him too damn much. I like him so badly, that I wouldn't want to fuck things up by having meaningless sex and lose his respect - whereas normally I would jump at the chance.
After finding out, I tripped off into the Party Room, dazedly stacking chairs and clearing tables. I had "White Flag" (The Diana Vickers version) in my head, and there were a particular few lines playing over and over on auto-pilot: "And when we meet / which I'm sure we will / all that was there will be there still / I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue / and you will think that I've moved on"
I, in the way that all other pretentious numptys whose hearts have just been broken, could do naught but pick up on these particular lyrics and relate them to my turmoil. And while I knew it was corny, all I felt like doing was crying.
After the party (which went fantastically) Carmichael and Lee went around asking people if they were staying for "a drink" - which we presumably thought was a little "Thank You Staff/Well Done Everyone It's Over!" tipple, on account. What I did NOT expect was to all take up residency in Party Room 1, with a free bar, till the wee small hours. And I mean that literally......
But I'm getting ahead of myself. First we all sat around 2 tables chatting loads. Lee had taken his blazer and tie off, and looked all normal and human and lovely. Despite knowing what I did, I still couldn't help talking and smiling at him. He eventually did an adorable little "Thank You" speech, and then went on to tell us how when he used to play football (mmmm..... sporty) the team would always go over the Good and Bad points of the game/season afterwards - and suggested something similar. My contribution was thus:
ME: "Bad times: Putting on about 8 STONE from eating all the fine Christmas food, being an absolute divvy and fainting one night....."
LEE: "You fainted?! Did I miss that??"
CARMICHAEL: "Yeah, you'd already gone home sick"
LEE: "Oh my god, I miss everything..... you should've wheeled me back in!"
(Laughter all around)
ME: "......oh, and Carmichael only seeing me the 2% of the time when I'm doing something I shouldn't be, never when I'm working hard!"
(More laughter)
ME: "Good times: As gay as it sounds, meeting all you lot, making wicked new friends and sat here right now having drinks with you fine people!"
Yeah, I know, corny corny. But every word was true, and I'm not taking it back. Anyway, the night (or morning) progressed - Lee (who was seeming more and more like a normal lad and not a manager) was pouring shots for everyone, people were dancing like crazy, plugging their Ipods into the decks, fighting over DJ rights and everyone was just back and forth to the bar, mixing their own drinks and gosh darn the consequences! It was wicked. Chatted to Lee quite a lot, about his football, (I've discovered I can do a very convincing "interested" face) how I thought he looked more like a rugby player (smooth, eh?) and his job/how he got it. Oh, and it turns out he's 23, not 24. Mmmmm. Oh yeah, and we ended up having a very drunken conversation outside on the terrace about me as a worker (I STILL have no idea how that started) - he told me I was good but just need to calm the hell down sometimes, not talk as much, and not ask stupid questions. I must have looked a little annoyed, because he started stressing how "fun" and "bubbly" I am to be around, but just need to tone it down in a work environment. Hmmm.... Got a hug off him, anyway. Yeah....... Doesn't seem to have a particular smell, which I totally thought he would have done. Another reason it was doomed, haha. Oh well, was just thanking CHRIST I didn't launch into a passionate declaration of my feelings (*shudder*) No-one ever wants to hear that, do they? Although I did get to the point where I was trying to tell him exactly why he was an amazing boss, and how "I'm not sucking up - but you are AWESOME - you have the authority but you're not a scary intimidating bastard......." Heaven help me.
Eighteen thousand drinks later, there was talk of an after-party, which Lee enigmatically declared was taking place "at a location near here" (his, basically), so we left. Drunkenly weaved through the streets for what felt like half a year. Lee and I chatted some more, I found an excuse to link arms with him (Actually, fuck excuses, if I'd have been walking unsupported for another minute I probably would've gone flat on my arse). Stopped at a Tesco Metro on the way while people stocked up on cigarettes and more booze - I inexplicably bought a ham sandwich, some crisps, and 10 Mayfair (Why? WHY?! I don't even SMOKE!!) Was very startled to look down at the receipt and notice that it was quarter to 8. IN THE MORNING. I literally had to pick my jaw up off the floor.
Got to Lee's a while later, at which I quite embarrassingly cried; "Wow, PIMP FLAT!!" which seemed to please him slightly. We all crashed, scarfing Pringles, drinking cider and watching Match of the Day. At that point, I remember being so drunk that everything was very amplified in my brain - I was gazing at the telly trying to focus on each individual player (ever though the colours were swimming), wondering what their back-story was, and what they were feeling as they kicked the ball around. Attempted to bagsy some sleeping space, but Lee point-blank refused to let anyone crash in his bed - so, in a fit of righteous vengeance, I passed out in the armchair.
Presumably someone had looked after me a little, as I woke up not only on the sofa, but underneath my coat. Sat up and looked around, doing that thing where you try to work out A) Where the hell you are B) What the hell you did and C) Where the hell everyone had gone. And then I looked at the clock - it was 2pm.
My stomach literally dropped - you know that feeling when you're so shocked and scared that you feel a sort of clunk in your belly, as if your heart has dropped through your body, like a game of Ker-Plunk. I dived for my bag, wrenched out my phone, and sure enough - 19 missed calls and 5 messages. Because, I realised, as my throat lurched, I was such a drunken twat that I'd forgotten to text the parents and let them know I was stopping out. Rang Mum and told her I was coming home - she was frostier than a snowman's nipple. Then came the madly embarrassing and yet wonderfully funny moment when I had to find Lee, or at least his flatmate. Went round knocking on the doors, until I came to his, elliciting an adorably sleepy-confused "Hello?" from the hidden depths.
So I poked my head round the door, and the first thing I noticed was that Lee, my boss, was in bed, wearing nothing but boxers. Or even naked! Gosh. I nearly went a little faint - and not just because of the copious amounts of Mandarin Vodka in my system. Took every ounce of willpower I possess to keep looking at his face, and not his chest or bedroom decorations.
ME: "Hi, did I wake you?"
LEE: "No, not at all - you alright?"
ME: "Yeah. Ummm....... so..... odd question, but where ARE we?"
LEE: "About 15 minutes from the L***********"
ME: "Okaaaaay...... is there a tram stop near here?"
LEE: "Yeah, just go downstairs, left at the hotel, past the roundabout, across the road and it's there"
ME: (*feeling, and looking confused*) OK.......... Oh my god, I feel AWFUL!"
LEE: "Yeah, me too!"
ME: Everyone's gone, you know, I didn't even hear them leave!"
LEE: "No, me neither......"
ME: "AND I forgot to let my parents know I was stopping out, so I've got about 25 missed calls and messages....."
LEE: "Oh no.....! Have you told them where you are?"
ME: "Yeah, it's alright, I've just rung now and told them we all crashed at our manager's flat."
(*Little pause, as we look at each other and simultaneously start giggling at the total and utter randomness of the situation*)
ME: "Right, what were those directions again?"
LEE: "Down in the lift, left at the hotel, past the roundabout, across the road."
ME: "OK cheers. Right, I'm gonna let you get more sleep - guess I'll see you Tuesday then!"
LEE: "Yep, see you Tuesday Kat....."
I'd like to hope my still-straight dishevelled hair, top-button-undone, rumpled appearance and my sleepy hangover voice were wildly sexy - but I guess it doesn't matter now, either way. Anyway, got my stuff and got to the tram stop OK. It was a very strange journey - almost hallucinatory. First the ticket machine didn't work, then I got the tram the wrong way so had to get off, cross the road and come back, and not to mention my swelling fear of coming home to irate parents. Sat in a sort of haze, practically seeing vapour trails following everyone, gazing out at the sky, which was that wonderful really dark dark blue, where the sun is barely out for clouds, but still lights up every building and makes them look white...... Then, of course, "White Flag" came on my Ipod, and I remembered that moment at the party. Am ashamed to say I had a wee involuntary tear, but managed to wipe it away before anyone noticed (I hope). Well, what can I say, I was technically still drunk - the fact that I was swaying as I waited for the tram confirmed this.
Got back to the bollocking of a LIFETIME from Mum and Dad - Dad coming out with "You've really outdone yourself this time, mate." That's when I KNOW I'm in the shit, as he only ever calls me "mate" when he's royally pissed off. Eek. Apparently Dad had gone down to the L************, got the receptionist to try calling Lee, asked every member of staff where I was and walked around the square. Mum had rung Auntie to see if I was at hers, who in turn got worried sick as well. Feebly tried to justify myself, (even though, really, I can't) before going up to my room, flopping on my bed in the dark and sobbing uncontrollably for about half an hour. Although, at some point, (possibly during those moments when you take a break from crying to sniff and blow your nose, before starting again) I found myself wondering if I was crying because I'd scared Mum and Dad so badly, or because it was a delayed reaction to finding out that I now have absolutely NO chance with the first guy I've really liked in AGES...........
Am now sat up in room where I've been since about 3 oclock, occasionally crying, reading, and typing. Only left it a few minutes ago to go downstairs, bolt my tea down in a separate room to Mum, and run back up again. Wasn't hungry anyway, let's just say the ham sandwich and crisps came in handy whilst waiting for the tram. Although was very surprised to find the cigarettes.
Have work at the pub in an hour. Completely cannot be arsed - especially since I stopped being drunk about 4 oclock and have now verged into madly hungover. Grrr. If anyone so much as LOOKS at me funny tonight, there's a chance some nads are getting ripped off. I just do not give a shit anymore.
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: "Damn, I wish I was your lover" - Tori Amos (there's an irony in itself)
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Extreme knackered-ness
Dear Diary,
Since I have but an hour and a half to get ready before my NEXT shift - I only have a little time for an update. Truth be told, there's not really much to update on, really. Thursday's shift was OK, last night's was even better. I'm in again tonight, and I'm at the pub on Sunday. Work, work, work!
Last night's (Friday's) shift was awesome - for the simple reason that Shaun got sent to work at the L***********!! How COOL is that??! Told Carmichael and Lee that "Shaun from the agency" was in fact my baby brother, and had an absolute BALL when he turned up. I wish he'd been sent in more often - it was so much fun pissing about and having dance-off's every five minutes. And it was funny as hell at the end of the night - when all the drunk female guests were trying it on with him non-stop, much to his delight! Grrr, why wasn't I given the attractive gene in the family?! Hmmmm....
Good news from last night - Saw Lee a lot more, and seemed a lot more friendly and approachable than Thursday, somehow. And have established that he is as much of a geek as I am - due to three things:
1) His reaction to meeting Shaun whilst organising taxis was classic; "So she's your sister? Oh my god, this is so exciting, we've got the whole O'Donnell family in!!" before launching into a conversation with Shaun about whether he'd bought my Christmas present yet (Shaun's answer: No. Charming)
2) Upon hearing that Gordon Burns was a guest, I hung around in the corridor for a while, trying to catch a glimpse. At which point, Lee walked past, turned to look at me, dropped all professionalism and excitedly cried; "GORDON BURNS IS HERE!!!" Bless him.
3) At the end of the night when he asked us to label wine bottles for tomorrow in advance. As we got them done, he looked at us all, his lovely face shining with enthusiasm and declared; "Oh my god, this is so exciting, we've got them all done! We're all organised for tomorrow! Good job, Team!" At which point, my brain was going; "I actually love you."
In a nutshell, he seems to be as easily pleased and exciteable as me. We would probably have the best sex EVER - should it come to that........ (*prays to every God in existence*)
Stayed over at Auntie's flat last night, but didn't get to sleep till about half 5 in the morning - good times. So now completely shattered. Grrrr.....
Tonight is the last party for this year - and I'm in Party Room 2, which he presides over. So naturally am stepping it up a gear by straightening hair, wearing contact lenses, lovely make-up, and generally being as fun and happy (and potentially flirty) as possible. Met Alice and Lisa for breakfast this morning, they have given me some flirting tips - since I'm the only human being in EXISTENCE who can't do it naturally - which I intend to try out later........ On the downside, I had the biggest breakfast in human history, and not cannot move, not even after lying in the recovery position for an hour.
In the meantime, I'm off for a shower. Am knackered right out and have a raging cold, but dammit, I'm going to look fantastic if it kills me!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: exhausted and stuffy (not to mention full)
Current Music: "Laid" - James
Since I have but an hour and a half to get ready before my NEXT shift - I only have a little time for an update. Truth be told, there's not really much to update on, really. Thursday's shift was OK, last night's was even better. I'm in again tonight, and I'm at the pub on Sunday. Work, work, work!
Last night's (Friday's) shift was awesome - for the simple reason that Shaun got sent to work at the L***********!! How COOL is that??! Told Carmichael and Lee that "Shaun from the agency" was in fact my baby brother, and had an absolute BALL when he turned up. I wish he'd been sent in more often - it was so much fun pissing about and having dance-off's every five minutes. And it was funny as hell at the end of the night - when all the drunk female guests were trying it on with him non-stop, much to his delight! Grrr, why wasn't I given the attractive gene in the family?! Hmmmm....
Good news from last night - Saw Lee a lot more, and seemed a lot more friendly and approachable than Thursday, somehow. And have established that he is as much of a geek as I am - due to three things:
1) His reaction to meeting Shaun whilst organising taxis was classic; "So she's your sister? Oh my god, this is so exciting, we've got the whole O'Donnell family in!!" before launching into a conversation with Shaun about whether he'd bought my Christmas present yet (Shaun's answer: No. Charming)
2) Upon hearing that Gordon Burns was a guest, I hung around in the corridor for a while, trying to catch a glimpse. At which point, Lee walked past, turned to look at me, dropped all professionalism and excitedly cried; "GORDON BURNS IS HERE!!!" Bless him.
3) At the end of the night when he asked us to label wine bottles for tomorrow in advance. As we got them done, he looked at us all, his lovely face shining with enthusiasm and declared; "Oh my god, this is so exciting, we've got them all done! We're all organised for tomorrow! Good job, Team!" At which point, my brain was going; "I actually love you."
In a nutshell, he seems to be as easily pleased and exciteable as me. We would probably have the best sex EVER - should it come to that........ (*prays to every God in existence*)
Stayed over at Auntie's flat last night, but didn't get to sleep till about half 5 in the morning - good times. So now completely shattered. Grrrr.....
Tonight is the last party for this year - and I'm in Party Room 2, which he presides over. So naturally am stepping it up a gear by straightening hair, wearing contact lenses, lovely make-up, and generally being as fun and happy (and potentially flirty) as possible. Met Alice and Lisa for breakfast this morning, they have given me some flirting tips - since I'm the only human being in EXISTENCE who can't do it naturally - which I intend to try out later........ On the downside, I had the biggest breakfast in human history, and not cannot move, not even after lying in the recovery position for an hour.
In the meantime, I'm off for a shower. Am knackered right out and have a raging cold, but dammit, I'm going to look fantastic if it kills me!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: exhausted and stuffy (not to mention full)
Current Music: "Laid" - James
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Semi-Concious blushes
Dear Diary,
CONVERSATION BETWEEN LEE AND I AT 1:40AM:
(*Phone rings*)
ME: "Mmfph....... Hello......?"
LEE: "Hi Kat, it's Lee from the L***********"
ME: "Oh..... hello Lee......."
LEE: (*trace of a laugh*) "I've gotta say, I wasn't actually expecting you to answer!"
ME: "Huh?" (*looking at clock*) "Oh..... yeah...." (*semi-concious giggle*)
LEE: "Anyway, I've checked the rota - you're in at half 5 tomorrow."
ME: "OK...... cheers Lee....."
LEE: "Yeah, apparently you weren't down to be in tomorrow, but someone's gone off sick anyway, so it's yours if you want it."
ME: "Wha.....? Yeah..... I was...... It got given to me........ few weeks ago...... I asked......"
LEE: (*sounding close to cracking up*) "OK, so I'll see you tomorrow at half 5 - and you're in Party Room 1."
ME: "OK, cool..... Thanks...... Night...... I mean, Bye!"
LEE: "Bye."
Guess what? I've discovered it is in fact possible to blush crazily whilst semi-concious! Learn something new every day, eh? And I can only hope and pray that somehow - SOMEHOW - my sleepy, hoarse, muffled, whispery voice might have sounded a little sexy. Which I doubt.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
CONVERSATION BETWEEN LEE AND I AT 1:40AM:
(*Phone rings*)
ME: "Mmfph....... Hello......?"
LEE: "Hi Kat, it's Lee from the L***********"
ME: "Oh..... hello Lee......."
LEE: (*trace of a laugh*) "I've gotta say, I wasn't actually expecting you to answer!"
ME: "Huh?" (*looking at clock*) "Oh..... yeah...." (*semi-concious giggle*)
LEE: "Anyway, I've checked the rota - you're in at half 5 tomorrow."
ME: "OK...... cheers Lee....."
LEE: "Yeah, apparently you weren't down to be in tomorrow, but someone's gone off sick anyway, so it's yours if you want it."
ME: "Wha.....? Yeah..... I was...... It got given to me........ few weeks ago...... I asked......"
LEE: (*sounding close to cracking up*) "OK, so I'll see you tomorrow at half 5 - and you're in Party Room 1."
ME: "OK, cool..... Thanks...... Night...... I mean, Bye!"
LEE: "Bye."
Guess what? I've discovered it is in fact possible to blush crazily whilst semi-concious! Learn something new every day, eh? And I can only hope and pray that somehow - SOMEHOW - my sleepy, hoarse, muffled, whispery voice might have sounded a little sexy. Which I doubt.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
Death of Festive Cheer
Dear Diary:
Gawd, what a mad few days. Yesterday of course, was my hee-ouge shopping trip with Alice, who it was AMAZING to see! Have to say, it was kind of hilarious when almost every conversation went along the lines of:
ME: "Oh, so did I tell you about Lee?!"
ALICE: "Oh yeah, your boss from the L*********, I read it on your blog!"
ME: "Cool! OK, so today I'm looking for the perfect Christmas dress - I have one particular one in mind...."
ALICE: "Oh yeah, the black one with the lace sleeves, saw it on your blog!"
ME: "Uh.....huh...... So guess what happened at the party on Sat....."
ALICE: "Blog."
ME: "Hmm."
Was quite a successul trip by all accounts - I bought:
A hot pink silky bra
Mum's Xmas gift
Dad's Xmas gift
Shaun's Xmas gift
A 3-string waist-length purple necklace
A purple flower ring (a spiky bastard that catches on EVERYTHING)
A big fat-ass pair of flannelette PJ's with sheep on them
A purple beret
Tea (Pizza Hut. Yeah, bitch!!)
Not so successful was the hunt for the Perfect Dress. Naturally, the Miss Selfridge one fitted, but made me look like a granny in a wrinkly, baggy dress going to a funeral. Probably her own, it looked that bad. Looked at almost every single black dress we walked past, to no avail. Anyway........ Got home, only to be called out again at half 9 by Annie to go to a boring-as-fuck Pub Quiz. Boring-as-fuck because the winner doesn't win anything, and there's no element of competition as everyone in the room helps each other out. What the HELL is the point in that??! Plus, hanging out with Annie and her parents is annoying as all hell - as Annie constantly snaps at her Dad all the time and her Dad makes jokes so bad that no-one even laughs. There is literally just an embarrassed silence before everyone carries on talking. He makes Bruce Forsyth look like Lee Evans. Plus, he heckles the shit outta the Quizmaster all the way through, while everyone glares at him with embarrassed contempt. Grrr..... I don't think I ever sprint quite like I do when my taxi arrives at the end of the night. I literally jumped in the back shouting; "Drive, drive, DRIVE!!!"
Hmmmm.... Anyway. Went shopping again today - only this time it was marred with Mum's extreme 1-week-till-Christmas annoyance, stress and anger, which is NEVER a pleasant sight. It was her day off, which meant she was in Christmas overdrive - and while I appreciate all her hard work etc.... would it kill her to do things with at least a smile every now and then? Was actually a relief to get out the house away from her shrill shrieking. Naturally, by then, I couldn't get into the spirit of Christmas, and just spent all day in town, gazing at the fairy lights, buying gifts, breathing in as I went past the German Market, but simply felt like I was going through the motions. Damn Christmas, sometimes.
TODAY I BOUGHT:
Auntie's Xmas Gift
Dad's other Xmas Gift
Grandma's Xmas Gifts
Heat
A black umbrella with cherries on it
A teeny blue glass octopus and a bright red heart-shaped stone (I love the German Market)
Hot pink silky knickers
My Party Dress (Hallelujah!!)
Yes, for I finally have the PERFECT going-out dress. Perfect because it follows almost every aspect of my "Ideal" frock. It's purple, has a black elasticated belt that PROPER takes me in, is short enough to be indecent but coupled with black leggings and shoes looks fantastically 80's. As do the massive chunky stacked bangles and waist-length necklaces. I do look a little like a backing dancer in an 80's video - but what is wrong with that, I ask you? NOTHING!! It is, in fact, a look I have been aspiring to for quite some time. Oh, and did I mention the 2 best parts of the dress?
1) The whole combination makes me look about a stone slimmer - AND MUM ADMITTED THIS.
2) The chest. Yes - this dress is low-cut, but just as you're trying to decide whether it verges on the right side of indecent - my boobs answer the question for you. The tightness of the top half (brought on by the belt-winching) causes my boobs to appear like they're bursting to get out, as if they've been poured in and are overflowing. And I'd like to see a court in all the land that could deem this a bad thing.
We'd better be having a Staff Christmas party now - if Lee doesn't see me in this dress, I will consider my life wasted.
Spent the evening wrapping Christmas presents and watching DVD's. Set up the heart stone next to my bed with the little octopus perched on top of it - my theory is that the octopus (as my bedside guardian) with reach out and bring Love to me with all eight arms - thereby increasing my chances. Well, it's just a thought, but dammit, that's all I have!
Also left Lee a message at the L********** asking him what time my shift is tomorrow (as I've lost my timesheet) with "Whole Lotta Love" playing in the background. Subliminal messaging, anyone......?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: "Dangerous" - Michael Jackson
Gawd, what a mad few days. Yesterday of course, was my hee-ouge shopping trip with Alice, who it was AMAZING to see! Have to say, it was kind of hilarious when almost every conversation went along the lines of:
ME: "Oh, so did I tell you about Lee?!"
ALICE: "Oh yeah, your boss from the L*********, I read it on your blog!"
ME: "Cool! OK, so today I'm looking for the perfect Christmas dress - I have one particular one in mind...."
ALICE: "Oh yeah, the black one with the lace sleeves, saw it on your blog!"
ME: "Uh.....huh...... So guess what happened at the party on Sat....."
ALICE: "Blog."
ME: "Hmm."
Was quite a successul trip by all accounts - I bought:
A hot pink silky bra
Mum's Xmas gift
Dad's Xmas gift
Shaun's Xmas gift
A 3-string waist-length purple necklace
A purple flower ring (a spiky bastard that catches on EVERYTHING)
A big fat-ass pair of flannelette PJ's with sheep on them
A purple beret
Tea (Pizza Hut. Yeah, bitch!!)
Not so successful was the hunt for the Perfect Dress. Naturally, the Miss Selfridge one fitted, but made me look like a granny in a wrinkly, baggy dress going to a funeral. Probably her own, it looked that bad. Looked at almost every single black dress we walked past, to no avail. Anyway........ Got home, only to be called out again at half 9 by Annie to go to a boring-as-fuck Pub Quiz. Boring-as-fuck because the winner doesn't win anything, and there's no element of competition as everyone in the room helps each other out. What the HELL is the point in that??! Plus, hanging out with Annie and her parents is annoying as all hell - as Annie constantly snaps at her Dad all the time and her Dad makes jokes so bad that no-one even laughs. There is literally just an embarrassed silence before everyone carries on talking. He makes Bruce Forsyth look like Lee Evans. Plus, he heckles the shit outta the Quizmaster all the way through, while everyone glares at him with embarrassed contempt. Grrr..... I don't think I ever sprint quite like I do when my taxi arrives at the end of the night. I literally jumped in the back shouting; "Drive, drive, DRIVE!!!"
Hmmmm.... Anyway. Went shopping again today - only this time it was marred with Mum's extreme 1-week-till-Christmas annoyance, stress and anger, which is NEVER a pleasant sight. It was her day off, which meant she was in Christmas overdrive - and while I appreciate all her hard work etc.... would it kill her to do things with at least a smile every now and then? Was actually a relief to get out the house away from her shrill shrieking. Naturally, by then, I couldn't get into the spirit of Christmas, and just spent all day in town, gazing at the fairy lights, buying gifts, breathing in as I went past the German Market, but simply felt like I was going through the motions. Damn Christmas, sometimes.
TODAY I BOUGHT:
Auntie's Xmas Gift
Dad's other Xmas Gift
Grandma's Xmas Gifts
Heat
A black umbrella with cherries on it
A teeny blue glass octopus and a bright red heart-shaped stone (I love the German Market)
Hot pink silky knickers
My Party Dress (Hallelujah!!)
Yes, for I finally have the PERFECT going-out dress. Perfect because it follows almost every aspect of my "Ideal" frock. It's purple, has a black elasticated belt that PROPER takes me in, is short enough to be indecent but coupled with black leggings and shoes looks fantastically 80's. As do the massive chunky stacked bangles and waist-length necklaces. I do look a little like a backing dancer in an 80's video - but what is wrong with that, I ask you? NOTHING!! It is, in fact, a look I have been aspiring to for quite some time. Oh, and did I mention the 2 best parts of the dress?
1) The whole combination makes me look about a stone slimmer - AND MUM ADMITTED THIS.
2) The chest. Yes - this dress is low-cut, but just as you're trying to decide whether it verges on the right side of indecent - my boobs answer the question for you. The tightness of the top half (brought on by the belt-winching) causes my boobs to appear like they're bursting to get out, as if they've been poured in and are overflowing. And I'd like to see a court in all the land that could deem this a bad thing.
We'd better be having a Staff Christmas party now - if Lee doesn't see me in this dress, I will consider my life wasted.
Spent the evening wrapping Christmas presents and watching DVD's. Set up the heart stone next to my bed with the little octopus perched on top of it - my theory is that the octopus (as my bedside guardian) with reach out and bring Love to me with all eight arms - thereby increasing my chances. Well, it's just a thought, but dammit, that's all I have!
Also left Lee a message at the L********** asking him what time my shift is tomorrow (as I've lost my timesheet) with "Whole Lotta Love" playing in the background. Subliminal messaging, anyone......?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: "Dangerous" - Michael Jackson
Monday, 15 December 2008
Tell me why......
I DO like Mondays:
1) Double Bill of Corrie - usually with some gigantic secret being revealed or relevation being had
2) Regular night out with Marie in her local
3) If you ARE asked to work a pub shift - you can guarantee it will be DEAD. Sat on your arse reading the paper and serving one person every half hour? EASY money.
Sadly DIDN'T get to go out with Marie tonight - probably best, anyway. After all, don't REALLY want her finding out that I had sex in her brother's bed, (no matter how un-messy it was) and it's the kind of thing I would so let slip. Because I am a twat of the highest order. Not something I had to worry about anyway, due to being on in the Pub tonight. Which was almost completely empty, so naturally spent most of it thinking about Lee, and how to do my hair on Friday, when I next clap eyes on his lovely form. Hope my fecking spots have cleared up by then - they seem to have formed some sort of constellation next to my mouth...... which arrived AT LEAST three weeks ago, and still remains. Jesus!
Also found myself at my new lowest ebb possible. Having scoured his Facebook page, I discovered he was a fan of some band called "The Beep Seals." And for a minute, I geniunely considered downloading some of their songs. So I could appear knowledgeable about his favourite band, and have something in common. What on EARTH have I become??! I used to sneer at people like me who said things like that in "Sugar"! Fucking hell.
Had 2 pieces of good news today though - one, Alice is home and we're meeting up tomorrow for some SERI-arse Christmas shopping (10 days. 10 DAYS!!!! And I have nothing. MOTHERFUCKER!!!) and a big catch-up. And two - NorthWest playwrights called: they have my script, and all I need to do now is send a second copy and a cheque for £10. My play will be in the hands of trained script-readers. Who will be reading my script. And giving constructive critism. About my script. On how to make my script better. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
(Yes, pretentious as it sounds, I bloody LOVE saying the words "My script." What can you do?)
Ooh. Just been listening to these Beeping Seals in the background - they're actually not bad. Maybe I won't be such an almighty sell-out after all.......
Getting Christmas dress tomorrow! Have seen one on the Internet in Miss Selfridge that looks PERFECT. It literally looks like my idea of the perfect dress. It's black (naturally), low-cut (to show off my boobs), taken in at the waist (to accentuate it), flared out (to hide the bum), short enough to be sexy but long enough to be decent, and with lacy, wrist-length sleeves (to disguise the tops of my arms). Black. Lace. Sexy as hell in my opinion. Not to mention EVERY OTHER ASPECT of the dress adds up to perfection. Having said that, I can predict RIGHT now that the dress will only go up to a Size 14, or will fit me - but look dreadful in inexplicable ways and places. ALWAYS the way. Still, might as well hope and try. There's always New Look's Inspire range.....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: "Use your other head" - aforementioned Beep Seals. (Damn catchy)
1) Double Bill of Corrie - usually with some gigantic secret being revealed or relevation being had
2) Regular night out with Marie in her local
3) If you ARE asked to work a pub shift - you can guarantee it will be DEAD. Sat on your arse reading the paper and serving one person every half hour? EASY money.
Sadly DIDN'T get to go out with Marie tonight - probably best, anyway. After all, don't REALLY want her finding out that I had sex in her brother's bed, (no matter how un-messy it was) and it's the kind of thing I would so let slip. Because I am a twat of the highest order. Not something I had to worry about anyway, due to being on in the Pub tonight. Which was almost completely empty, so naturally spent most of it thinking about Lee, and how to do my hair on Friday, when I next clap eyes on his lovely form. Hope my fecking spots have cleared up by then - they seem to have formed some sort of constellation next to my mouth...... which arrived AT LEAST three weeks ago, and still remains. Jesus!
Also found myself at my new lowest ebb possible. Having scoured his Facebook page, I discovered he was a fan of some band called "The Beep Seals." And for a minute, I geniunely considered downloading some of their songs. So I could appear knowledgeable about his favourite band, and have something in common. What on EARTH have I become??! I used to sneer at people like me who said things like that in "Sugar"! Fucking hell.
Had 2 pieces of good news today though - one, Alice is home and we're meeting up tomorrow for some SERI-arse Christmas shopping (10 days. 10 DAYS!!!! And I have nothing. MOTHERFUCKER!!!) and a big catch-up. And two - NorthWest playwrights called: they have my script, and all I need to do now is send a second copy and a cheque for £10. My play will be in the hands of trained script-readers. Who will be reading my script. And giving constructive critism. About my script. On how to make my script better. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
(Yes, pretentious as it sounds, I bloody LOVE saying the words "My script." What can you do?)
Ooh. Just been listening to these Beeping Seals in the background - they're actually not bad. Maybe I won't be such an almighty sell-out after all.......
Getting Christmas dress tomorrow! Have seen one on the Internet in Miss Selfridge that looks PERFECT. It literally looks like my idea of the perfect dress. It's black (naturally), low-cut (to show off my boobs), taken in at the waist (to accentuate it), flared out (to hide the bum), short enough to be sexy but long enough to be decent, and with lacy, wrist-length sleeves (to disguise the tops of my arms). Black. Lace. Sexy as hell in my opinion. Not to mention EVERY OTHER ASPECT of the dress adds up to perfection. Having said that, I can predict RIGHT now that the dress will only go up to a Size 14, or will fit me - but look dreadful in inexplicable ways and places. ALWAYS the way. Still, might as well hope and try. There's always New Look's Inspire range.....
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Current Mood: excited
Current Music: "Use your other head" - aforementioned Beep Seals. (Damn catchy)
Sunday, 14 December 2008
GOD DAMN IT!!!!
Dear Diary,
Guess what? I cracked. In more ways than one. I basically did what I swore I wouldn't. I must be the most weak-willed person on the entire planet......
Well, first things first. Had a SEVEN HOUR shift at the pub due to it being the punters' Christmas party. And oh my god, I may have covered myself in tinsel and done my hair and make-up to within an inch of my LIFE - but I was by far the most under-dressed. Landlady was dressed up as Mrs. Santa and looked fantastic - and the other two girls looked amazing. Shift was INCREDIBLY long and arduous, but strangely went quicker than your average four hours. Usual regulars were in, plus about 500 people I've never seen before in my LIFE, but the atmosphere was great.
THE GOOD:
Guess what? I cracked. In more ways than one. I basically did what I swore I wouldn't. I must be the most weak-willed person on the entire planet......
Well, first things first. Had a SEVEN HOUR shift at the pub due to it being the punters' Christmas party. And oh my god, I may have covered myself in tinsel and done my hair and make-up to within an inch of my LIFE - but I was by far the most under-dressed. Landlady was dressed up as Mrs. Santa and looked fantastic - and the other two girls looked amazing. Shift was INCREDIBLY long and arduous, but strangely went quicker than your average four hours. Usual regulars were in, plus about 500 people I've never seen before in my LIFE, but the atmosphere was great.
THE GOOD:
- The buffet. And therein lies the first problem - I broke the rules of my diet. Yes, I ate nothing but orange juice all day so I'd have room. And yes, the staff were allowed to partake of the 4 back-to-back tables on which the buffet was laid. And yes, I did. And you know what? I had an absolute SCRAN of the not-allowed kind - AND I'M NOT EVEN SORRY. Because it was FUCKING AMAZING.
- The tips. We pooled, and got about eleven squid each. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!
- The music. The resident DJ is a goddamn legend.
- The Christmas cheer. Fuck the credit crunch, everyone was in, having a wicked time, and feeling festive - and that is my FAVOURITE thing about Christmas.
- Landlady being in a good mood again. Nice.
- The kareoke. DAMN there were some horrors last night. There were the usual ones of course, Mum of Little Dickhead slurring (what she seems to think is in a "sexy" way) her way through "These boots are made for walking" and then the ones that were so terrifyingly bad, it made my innards curl up. Little Dickhead sang "Sweet Child of mine" so unfeasibly out of tune, it made me want to put my FIST through his throat and rip out his vocal chords. And anyone who can drunkenly slur their way through and murder "Mustang Sally" so appallingly should be shot.
- How bloody busy it was. To be expected, naturally, but still really makes you want to just stand on the bar and shout "GET THE FUCK OUT!!!"
- Sam, who was on the bar with me. What an annoying bitch. OK, fair enough, she's been working there 2 years, but the amount of times she YELLED at me last night - god DAMN!! She yelled at me to "stop standing around watching people sing and fucking serve someone" (when I was IN FACT looking for whoever was next), she yelled at me for making a mistake on the till (when in fact it was HER mistake - hahahahaha) Biatch.
- Cleaning up afterwards. When all 3 barmaids and the Landlord start yelling "DRINK UP PLEASE!!" why do they STILL not get the goddamn hint and hang around for another 8 years instead??!
- People being mean to you. Look around dear punter, can you not SEE how rushed off our feet we are? We have to QUEUE to use the till, and have about 65 of you pissed-up knobheads to get through - learn from Take That and have a little motherfucking Patience.
- Why, our regular customers, of course. Just for a change, being the same old sleazy fuckers - only this time making Christmas-related come-ons and stepping it up a gear by trying to grab my arse while I clear tables. Same shit, different time of year.
Anyhow. After a humongous clean-up, and a Thank You drink, courtesey of Landlord and Lady (double vodka and orange) I hollered a taxi up to Marie's, changing into my Ann Summers Policewoman outfit in the back seat and grabbing a bottle of wine as I went. Arrived there about half 1 and immediately got stuck into my wine (drinking it straight from the bottle *blush*) and chatting to everyone. Nothing memorable to report really, apart from playing "I never" with all the attractive lads, Marie's ex turning up and everyone calling him a cunt (not, obviously, to his face) while Marie stood with him, both flirting like crazy all night long. Oh, and one...... quite big thing - which takes us back to the first sentence of this entry.
I'm sure you can guess, but I'll tell you anyway - I had random one-night sex again. And it was with a guy I'd barely spoken to all night. I can't even remember his name (*blushes crazily*) or much about him, except that he had hair so long he could nearly sit on it - and quite a sizeable knob. So, at least one good thing about the whole affair, haha! Went to bed about 6 in the morning in Marie's brother's room where he joined me (the lad, that is, not Marie's brother) and jumped into bed, spooning. He wasn't getting the hint for AGES - despite him being the one who started it - until I eventually just rolled over and kissed him. Well, the rest just writes itself really. And, as with almost every other time I've done this - it went on for way too long, he was too wasted to "finish," and I was bored out of my mind the whole way through. And his hair was so long it kept getting in the way and lying across my face (*shudder*). Not to mention the next morning when I had the most insane conversation EVER:
HIM: "Just to clarify - that WAS a random, one-night thing, right?"
ME: (*thinking "What the fuck?"*) Yeah, course!
HIM: "OK, just wanted to check"
ME: (*sarcastically*) "No, actually, I'm gonna find out where you live and come knocking on your door sobbing; 'Why haven't you called me?'"
HIM: (*laughing*) "OK..... but.... you won't really, will you?"
ME: (*Sigh*)
More than anything, I'm pissed off that I did this again, especially when I swore I wouldn't - to myself and my friends. Who, I've just realised, will kill me when they find out. Eek. Especially given that I was, well, not "saving myself," (since it probably won't happen anyway) but certainly thinking of Lee when I decided not to do this bollocks again. You know, in a kind of; "From now on, I'm only waiting for the real thing.... it's got to be-e-e-e-e-e-eeee perfect, etc...." way. And there's that whole "how will you meet the right guy if you're shagging the wrong guys in the meantime?" question. Well, to answer it - it is because I am a tremendous jockstrap, who's only justification is:
1) I was bored
2) I was pissed
I give in. Seriously.
Anyhow..... Must forget such trifling matters. Just got a Seafood Pizza from the take-away. Well, the weekend's practically been a write-off, and parents aren't back from Ireland till half 10 tonight. Might as well take advantage, eh? And if that means sitting on my arse, watching "Spiderman 3" and chasing away my hangover by having the most almighty scran possible, then it looks to be a pretty sweet-arse evening.
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Current Mood: Hungover as fook
Current Music: "All summer long" - Kid Rock
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