Sexiest Hallowe'en ever

Dear Diary,

Whizzing through the eventful October I had, (mainly because that was possibly the most interesting month of the last 6, so far) So, as you can see from the subject title, I was rather foolish at Hallow's Eve. In a good way, but also a really quite bad way. And the even worse thing is, I already knew this was coming, but it still happened anyway - and now I am sure anyone reading this is going to judge the SHIT out of me. Having said that, I wouldnt blame them if they did, I totally deserve it........ (To fill you in, briefly - Gary, a guy I have incredible chemistry with every time I see him, is the childhood friend and ex of Zara - who swore she'd kill us if we ever got together).

So.... I went to the Hallowe'en party - which was held in Liverpool at the house of Leanne, Renee and Zara, former flatmates and friends from uni. It was dead exciting, I hadn't seen them in ages...... and technically I didn't see them straight away when I got there (after an unfeasibly late coach arrival) as they were all in their respective rooms getting ready. Anyhow the party got going, and we soon established 2 things that I always knew, but were still incredibly fun to re-discover:

1) The girls LOVE their themed decorating (from scary movie quotes to personalised gravestones, they had EVERYTHING)
2) Renee is a goddamn hardcore PARTY ANIMAL

It was soooooooooo much fun; at one point, I do believe I was tipping - wait for it - HALF WHISKEY, HALF SAMBUCA shots (not even making that up, blehhhh) in the kitchen with D'Artagnan from the 3 Muskateers, haha. Meanwhile, Renee had LONG since got out of her costume (Jonny Depp in "Pirates of the Carribbean") and had taken up the post of DJ in the corner, to shout DJ-ish things whilst playing with the decks (Ipod docking station), Nikki the token Extreme Scouse Girl had a dance to EVERY single song, Zara was poking EVERYONE in the eye with her home-made halo, and I was gawping at the "Saw 2" film playing on a loop in the background. Good times!

Couldn't help noticing by half 10 that Gary STILL hadn't turned up, but while part of me was disappointed, a small part of me (maybe located behind my ear) was thinking - after all those slightly rude conversations we'd had on MSN, maybe it was a good thing that I wouldn't have to make small-talk with someone I'd been describing my bra to a fortnight ago.Well, you can guess what happened then, of course. He turned up, didn't he? Oh, how I love Fate! (*facepalm*) Tried to very casually lean against the wall and look casual with my drink, but unfortunately nearly fell elbow-first into the buffet..... Eventually regained my composure as he walked past me with nothing more than a "Hi". Which, I decided, in my drunken haze, was FINE, and no problem whatsover, as I totally didn't expect anything. And do you know HOW I knew this? Because I had my most gorgeous silky MATCHING underwear on, had moisturised to within an inch of my life, re-dyed my hair the night before, and shaved my legs (and everywhere else). BECAUSE, if you remember my last entry, and the subsequent events of my birthday night; I established that Fate has a way of throwing great things - like random sex - at me when I am completely unprepared for it (ie: horrible mis-matched underwear, day-old deodrant, no condoms and legs like the Black Forest of Germany), and then sends me sweet bollock-all when I'm at my pampered and prepared best. SO YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDNT TRY!!!! (Just thought: did that piece of logic make ANY sense to you? It did to me, but stuff I know sometimes doesn't make sense to other people.....)

Anyhow, the party continued in fine style, everyone was doing shots, I'd moved onto BEER (that's when you know I'm out of my TREE - as I hate beer) we got gatecrashed by a guy's Swedish girlfriend - who was HILARIOUS (unintentionally) and made the night by constantly dragging people up to dance, cheering everytime someone drank, suggesting we play Pile-On by leaping like a smackdown wrestler onto Renee lying on the floor, and referring to her boyfriend as "Mister" She was literally priceless. Anyhow, among all this fine revelry, I got talking to Gary in the kitchen a lot - who by now was well on the way to being drunk, and actually chatting to me quite a bit. Feeling Zara's watchful eye from a few feet away, I kept it light, and my facial expressions neutral, even backing away when he went to give me a drunken hug. Prised myself away and went for another cup of home-made punch (which, by now, had vodka, cherryade, Jamesons, Southern Commfort, Jack Daniels, and Grolsch in it) at which point Zara accosted me and bluntly came out with "Don't get off with Gary!" So I just went all shocked and "What?? Where did THAT come from?!" thinking; "Shit, did she really see through my Oscar-winning 'disinterested' face that easily?" She replied "He's in THAT mood, he gets like that when he's had a few..." So I just protested slightly, with a convincing air of "Mate, I wasn't even thinking of it" (I'm awful, I know....) and instead made out like I was into D'Artagnan, who was cute, to be fair. Anyway, D'Artagnan, my "crush" and alibi (I kept flirting with him whenever Zara and Gary were looking my way) soon left, so I carried on drinking while everyone thrashed around in the lounge to the likes of Five, Spandau Ballet, Bonnie Tyler, and other greats, until Gary and I were left alone in the kitchen. And as much as I'd normally scoff at anyone who wrote this next sentence - There was An Atmosphere. And it was reeeeeeally noticible..... So to break the silence, I thought "OK, look casual, make a light-hearted joke to break the ice and make out like this is all just a laugh to you..." So I smiled, took a gulp of punch, flicked my hair slightly and threw out: "Kinda weird without an MSN conversation between us, eh? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Someone bash me over the head with a club. Please.

By some insane miracle though, instead of flinging his bottle at me and running like the wind, he laughed too, and joined in the conversation, and saying how weird it was to be talking all normal in real life, when a few weeks ago we were getting all naughty behind the protection of a computer screen.... Anyway, we got talking some more, and all the while he kept moving closer and closer, while the sensible part of me moved away ever so slightly (but that part seemed to be located behind my knee, as that was the only part of me that went to move away, dammit!) but the rest of me started tingling, until eventually, we were REALLY close together. I, for some mental unknown reason, kept wittering away about all kinds of random shite, before eventually turning away with a several-octaves-higher "More punch?" and diving like a madman for the bowl. And thats when he planted a kiss, not on my cheek, but on my NECK! THE NECK, GOD DAMN IT!!! How can ANYONE resist that??! I, meanwhile, went floppy as a fish and started stammering, still backing away everytime he went to kiss me. It was AWFUL, cos I really REALLY wanted to kiss him, but the sober part of my brain (or should I say "sensible" - there were no sober parts LEFT in my brain) kept telling me not to, although by now, I couldn't actually remember why. Fair play to him though, once I said no, he didn't harrass me or anything. He just stood really close while we stared at each other, me literally laughing and continuously mumbling "Oh my god, were so bad, I'm in so much trouble" etc...

Anyway, that went on for a while, I'd go into the lounge and dance for a bit (always facing away from Gary everytime Zara so much as glanced towards me) and then go back into the kitchen - during which he'd follow me and try to kiss me. On the 3rd time I finally caved for about 10 seconds before (filled with the terror of someone possibly walking in) pulling away and coming out with the most contradictory (not to mention EXTREMELY un-Katrina-ish) sentence I've ever uttered. Witness:

K: "Look, we can't do this..."
G: "Why not? Why can't we?"
K: "Because it's wrong, OK? I've been expressely forbidden from this, it can never go any further, and I refuse to let it, alright? (*Silence. Gary stares at me for a few seconds*) OK, look - go upstairs and wait in the bathroom, I'll come up in 2 minutes."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! I'M A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING!!! I should genuinely be fed to a kraken.

And if you're wondering whether I did the right thing - I didn't. I did the GOOD thing, but not the right thing. I waited about 1 and a half minutes, gnawing my fingernails and absent-mindedly smearing the fake blood on my wrists before walking calmly through the lounge with a look of "Gosh darn it, the downstairs loo's occupied again!" (although, I think people were too busy raving to notice) and up the stairs. Which he was waiting at the top of. Having established that no-one was upstairs with us, we went into the (quite small) bathroom and got down to it. Kissing, I mean. I must say, it was probably the most confusing and contradictory kiss he'd ever had, as I kept pushing his hand away everytime he tried to touch me anywhere that wasnt my back or head one minute, but then grabbing at the bulge in his jeans the next. Hmmmm! And I kept stopping and muttering "This is insane, we can't..." and so on. He was like "Look, if it's Zara you're worried about, she can't be mad, me and her were years ago, she can't stop me getting with people I like, she knows we like each other" etc... I was like "Yeah, but I'd rather she didn't find out and ACTUALLY kill us! Particularly me!" But he kept shutting me up and weakening my resistance with more kissing, until after like, 5 minutes I decided we should go back down, in case people wondered where we were. So I told him to wait about 20 seconds and then come down after me, by which time I'd have established myself back on the dancefloor (well, space in front of the sofas) in the centre of things. And also to give his stork-on time to go down!

So, of course, 20 seconds later, he reappeared, drinking and looking all casual, causing my heart to skip during KC and the Sunshine Band for the first time since I heard "I'm your boogie man" come on in a club.... (Well, I always think there's something dead exciting and gratifying when one of your favourite tunes suddenly blasts out on a night out - like you're being re-assured that you DO have good taste!) We all danced a lot more, Swedish Girl now attempting to recreate some of MC Hammer's finest moves, and realised the booze had run out, as people mostly seemed to be drinking water.... Until "Eye of the Tiger" came on, causing everyone to lauch into their best "Inspirational 80's movie training montage" exercise moves. Cue Gary running up the stairs, Rocky-style, and everyone laughing and telling me to "spot" him, as I was nearest the door. So I stood at the bottom of the stairs. Then, after his 2nd "lap" I saw him stop at the top, look at me, and point towards the bathroom. So, after a moment's hesitation, and an acting job (that would make the Weasley twins look like BAFTA winners) of; "Oh shit, he's fallen over, one second...." I walked upstairs, mouthing furiously and shaking my head all the way. But I still went.

He pullled me into the bathroom, locking the DOOR this time, and we got straight back to it. But strangely, as horny and spontaneous and forbidden (and everything a drunk kiss is) as it was, there were still several moments where we'd pull away and just sorta stare and smile at each other, while still touching etc... and it was just quite.... lovely, for want of a better word. And then I threw the bullet to the wind and said something along the lines of "I've wanted to do this for a very long time", and he said he did to, and that he thought I was really gorgeous. Had to fight the temptation at that point to shout "What? Say that again, A LITTLE LOUDER THIS TIME, SO THE WORLD CAN HEAR YOU!!!!" Lol. Then he said I looked really beautiful tonight (by "beautiful" I think he meant "up for it" or similar - because, come on, who looks at a woman dressed as a schoolgirl and thinks "She is BEAUTIFUL"??) and we kissed quite ferociously for ages - to the point where I literally ended up on the sink. One question: HOW??! Even if he is strong enough to lift me (which I doubt) in the heat of the moment and all that - how on God's green earth did I manage to sit on the sink without it coming off the wall?? Eeeeee.... Anyway, it was incredibly horny, he ended up doing what you would expect 15 year-olds chavs to do at a house party (not sex, but whats the first thing that springs to mind? Yes, it probably IS that). Which I thought was strangely apt, given that I was dressed as a young chav-ette. Getting into character, some might say! (OK, not funny, sorry) It was weird though, the "act" should've been all gross and inappropriate and wrong, especially since I don't normally like it, but strangely, it felt REALLY amazing and sexy. Cos it was such a "not me" situation to be in - sat up on a sink with my legs open and wrapped around a lad I definately should NOT be kissing, with his hand in a maughty place and his mouth on my neck. And I don't normally like.... people doing that (I don't even like the word itself, it just sounds so juvenile) but in this case it was sexy as all hell.....

Well, until someone bloody knocked on the door, causing me to literally fling him away from me, yank my knickers up, re-adjust my hair and fill my cup with water in 3 seconds flat. I managed to choke out "Sorry, won't be a sec" while we stood mouthing "Shit!" to each other. Then (and I am NOT proud of this at all), through mouthing and gestures, I basically told Gary to play along while I pretended to be sick. NO, WAIT, HEAR ME OUT!!! Think about it, someone comes upstairs, they hear 2 people in a toilet together (of the opposite sex) they will automatically think "What the hell's going on in there?!" BUT no-one's going to suspect a vomitting person, are they? It's not exactly sexy, throwing up, is it? It was a GENIUS plan!! So, with carefully timed realistic coughing and pouring-water-down-the-toilet-noises, Gary laughing (probably at my acting, or the sheer absurdity of the situation) and me choking at him to "Shut the fuck up laughing at me you insensitive twat" - we seemed to convince Sarah, as we heard her run downstairs, shouting "Leanne, I think someone's being sick!" SUCCESS!!! In the very quick minute that followed, Gary put his number in my phone, gave me a few heart-stopping cleavage-kisses (well, that's where I was keeping my phone for safe-keeping), and opened the door, just in time for Leanne to come upstairs and see me, realistically kneeling on the floor, flushing the toilet with tears in my eyes (I improvised and pinched myself a few moments earlier). She totally fell for it as I sipped water, croaked everything I said, apologised repeatedly and said I'd be down in a minute. Left alone, Gary said I should get an Oscar (!) we had a few more kisses, and I went downstairs first, following this gem: "Yeah, of COURSE I'll go downstairs first, Im sure NO-ONE'll notice I've got a big stiffy!" Hahahahaha!!!


Anyway, the party passed without further incident, we exchanged a few secret texts, glances and winks, before the party finally - FINALLY - ended at 7AM (yes, you read that right) when everyone went to bed. This is after Renee lay on the floor slurring "I just wanna carry on RAVING!" Needless to say we were all.... SLIGHTLY drunk by then - as we seemed to find this not only hilarious, but tremendously good fun! Ended up curled on the floor in my nightie, with my skirt still on and my leggins over my socks, under someone's coat, shivering like crazy. Next to Gary. And then Nikki (Token Extreme Scouser) loudly suggested Gary "be a fuckin gentleman and unzip your sleeping bag so Kat can get under!" Which he did. And then proceeded to get very touchy-feely, to the glorious (ahem) soundtrack of Andy snoring like a fucking DOCKER! Anyhow, we fell asleep spooning, we had a few more little touches in the morning (well.... a few hours later when we all woke up) before realising sleep was a MUCH bigger priority, grabbing the sofa (Adam vacated as he had work) and crashing out.

The tricky thing now is, it's so obvious that when we both have a free evening (and his flatmates are out) what's going to happen. As much as it shoudn't be, it's a proper inevitability, and we both know it. Maybe we really like each other, maybe it only extends to sex. I think we just need to have one evening - or day - of completely abandoned reckless shagging to get it out of our systems, as obviously we won't end up going out, unless we wanted to be lynched by Zara and co. And I have his word that IF it happens, he not only NEVER tells anyone, but we cover every single base to make sure no-one knows it was ME, let alone that I was there. Even if it meant we had to go to a hotel. I now merely await his text... Well, said incident NEARLY happened, until we were completely rumbled, in the worst possible way. But that's a story for another time.....

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: tired and thoughtful
Current Music: "These Eyes" - Junior Walker