Just another pleasant Tuesday at the Old People's home......

Dear Diary,

Tuesday was good. I actually DID things! Well, first I was up at the crack of 9:45, panicking like crazy as I had my Job Centre/claim appointment at 5 to 10. So I ended up throwing my clothes on and legging it down the street, my left arm swinging and flopping beside me like a crazy pissed-up slug (I fell asleep on it). Made it on time thankfully, and arranged a meeting for tomorrow to discuss me learning Sign Language professionally and whether or not they will pay for the course/exam (they'd fucking BETTER, I can't afford to spend £245 on something that will only MAYBE get me a job at the end of it all).

All inspired, I dropped into Home and Bargains for a pad and fountain pen (it was 59p and I had a nostalgia attack!) before hitting the library, and making notes out of their BSL books. Well, dammit, if they're gonna wait for me to have £13 to piss away on FINES before loaning out their books to me, the next best thing I can do is basically sit and copy them out. I think I know who's winning! And at least I have a little more to say to the Deaf Punters at work tomorrow


Stopped into nearby Home Wares store to visit Sue, had a long chat about Marie, i.e: exactly why she hasn't texted/rung/got in touch with anyone at all lately. Things didn't sound right. We decided to give her another week, before performing an intervention.

A very strange thing happened on my journey home. I took out a tenner and went to the nearby petrol station/Subway. I walked in and looked at the Subway. And then I TURNED AWAY....... picked up "Heat" and some crisps........ AND THEN WALKED OUT. (Obviously I paid as well, for those who thought I was a shoplifter) Oh my god, this is HUGE!! I've never walked past/ignored a Subway in my LIFE!! And there I was, walking home, making a sandwich out of what we had in the fridge, and being DAMNED HAPPY ABOUT IT!! This is a milestone day, definately. Something's clearly snapped inside me, I feel all peculiar and wrong.......

Shortly after lunch, I rather surprisingly and coincidentally got a phone call off Marie.

K: (*confused*) "Hello?
M: (*barely audible little-girl voice*) "Hi, it's me"
K: "Are you OK? You sound....... what's wrong?"
M: ................. "I just need a cuddle"
K: "What's he done now?"
M: "I've finished with him"
K: "Seriously?!"
M: "Yeah"
K: "Do you want me to come over?"
M: (*sniffle*) "Would you mind?"
K: "I'll be half an hour"

Rocked up at hers half an hour later with a big bag of Malteasers and hugs. Without going into details, he's basically crossed the line this time, and made it blatantly clear he doesn't care about her, whatever he says. He's ignored her, treated her like shit and plays subtle mind manipulation games, and while she couldn't help falling in love with him, at least she's finally seen HIM, and ended it before she got in too deep. Good for her, he was a dick. And by all accounts, everyone in the Trees was congratulating her on finally ditching the motherfucker. Anyway. We sat watching "Harry Potter" whilst discussing him and getting the whole story out, and by the time she went for a shower, she seemed to be (I hope) a little better.

She was due to appear in a show at 7, so I tagged along to watch. Well, when I say "show" I mean the group of dancers she was in were putting on a performance at an Old People's home. Couldn't really do much to help, so offered to look after one of the cast's little girl, who consequently didn't leave me alone all night. Not that I was complaining, she was ADORABLE. But I think the problem with me is, whilst I'm good at ENTERTAINING children, I think I'd be terrible at HAVING them. Because when I play with kids (that sentence looks SO wrong), I either completely regress to my inner child, or say grown-up things to try and filter into their sub-concious, but most likely confuse them. Par example:

Me: "Let's play the Jumpy game!"
Her: "Yaaaaaaaaaaay!"
(*10 minutes of leaping down the Old People corridor and lifting her up to touch the ceiling ensue*)

Me: "You can't jump in those big boots!"
Her: "Yes I can! LOOK! They've got heels!"
Me: "Wow, erm..... how old are you again?"
Her: "Five! And a HALF!!"
Me: "Gosh, bit young to be wearing heels, aren't you?"
Her: "My friend has higher ones than these, and she's SIX!"
Me: "Blimey..... well, don't let female competitiveness rule your life, it's not important...."
Her: "Look! I've got red painted nails!"
Me: "Oh my god, look, don't grow up TOO quick, will you? Maybe you should sack off the heels and red nail varnish, or at least don't wear it till you're over 20 - you've got to enjoy being a child while you can! Cos the quicker you grow up, the quicker you realise that the world is just.......(*realises the child is looking at me quizzically*) Erm..... let's play Superman!"
Her: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"
Me: (*picking her up and running down the corridor*) "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"
Her: "Let's go play outside!"
Me: "NO!! No, we can't leave the building!!"
Her: "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!"
Me: "Because I'm a stranger!"
Her: "No you're not, you're my FRIEND!"
Me: "Look, I think we should just ask your Mummy first, you can't be too careful when it comes to kids these days, you can't do the SLIGHTEST thing without people thinking you're a.......... (*child is once again looking quizzical*) Well, yeah. Look, I can't take you out 'cos you don't technically know me."
Her: (*hugging me round the waist*) "But you're my frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriend!!"
Me: (*heart melting, whilst trying to bat her away as an approaching nurse starts staring*) "OK, don't touch my waist.... let go...... How bout ONE more game of Spin-around?"
Her: "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!"
Me: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!"

Anyway, she came and sat on my knee through the whole performance, so at least I give off a trustworthy vibe, I suppose!

As to the performance, it was hilarious. Or maybe hilariously bad. Mainly because you could just tell that NONE of them were throwing anything into it. The lighting was shit, there were technical cock-ups all the way through, the old people would NOT shut up talking throughout (including one woman next to me who just yelled out everything, I was literally shaking with laughter). Only Marie and the Lead Guy were any good - as they obviously came from theatrical backgrounds. But the rest couldn't mime on time, forgot the words, and as for the "Cabaret" section - well, it was about as dark and sexual as an episode of the Teletubbies. I'm honestly not just saying this because she's my friend, but Marie pretty much stole the show. She was the only one who seemed to know what she was doing, and wow - I forgot how well she could dance. Not to mention she was in pretty much ALL the sexual numbers "Big Spender," "All that Jazz," "Mein Herr," etc..... I'd say she was hot, but she's also a friend, and incest isn't my style (besides, there was a Thandie Newton-a-like nurse for me to gawp at during the boring bits). But I can pretty much say that, if the dancing was anything to go by, "College-Marie" is back - and if that takes her mind off PrickTard ex-boyfriend, it can only be a good thing.

But back to the performance. There was a young chav lad watching, obviously visiting his nan, who was sat there looking highly uncomfortable, clearly thinking; "This is the gayest thing I've ever seen" (truth be told, I was thinking the same) - especially as Lead Guy strutted around the stage in nothing but his kecks for "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat." One of the old women actually GOT UP and tried to zimmerframe the hell out of there, except due to her extreme lack of speed, was stuck centre-stage (floor) as everyone tried to dance around her. I nearly cracked a rib trying not to laugh. Especially when she got outside and sat down, only for us (and EVERYONE) to overhear her saying "I am NOT entertained!!!" Comedy gold.

Afterwards, I hung outside, playing till I nearly had a heart attack with the little girl, when this old woman came up to me. It was damned scary, she glared at me for about 20 solid seconds, while I repeatedly asked if she was OK, and then got really close and yelled; "I NEED TO GO TO THE TOILET!!" Judging by the urgency and force with which she said this, I don't think it was a light threat, either. I panicked, as the little girl was occupying the loo behind me, so I tried to point the woman in the direction of another one, despite the fact that she LIVED here, and probably knew better than me. She made me accompany her into the room (while I PRAYED not to be asked to "help") and stand guard outside the door, which I did, until she still wasn't out 5 minutes later - so I ran for a nurse. Let's just say, she'd made quite a mess of the floor. I scooped the little girl up and ran like the wind down the corridor, trying not to audibly gag. So that was fun. For the love of god, I hope I don't end up in a home. Or at least not with bowel problems. It must be so awful.

Lead guy (who gave us a lift) dropped Marie and I back at hers, so I jumped on a bus home. I left the Malteasers in the fridge and told her to eat some everytime she thought of PrickTard Ex (hmmm..... that looks like the name of a package delivery firm or something). I hope I did a good job comforting her - yes, I've bitched a lot about her ignoring me when he's about, etc.... but at the end of the day, you need your friends at times like that. And I'm glad I was able to help her, or at least momentarily cheer her up.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: "A + E" - Goldfrapp