Crunch time

Dear Diary,

As you probably figured out from the last entry, Saturday's date with Joe didn't happen, as I was struck down with Man flu. Well, whatever it was, it felt just as deadly. His reply? "That sounds like a pretty poor excuse. If you don't like me, just say!" Oh, for frig's sake. Why do men DO that, just push and push and push even though we've only known each other for 3 evenings? He doesn't have a CLAIM over me just cos we've been for a few drinks! Or maybe I'm so jaded by cynicism I just don't recognise real romance anymore? Oh, I don't know....

Spent the weekend recovering, or trying to, despite him texting me every few hours of every day. Had an extra shift at the pub Monday. Shaun's been Skype-ing a lot, which we're all really quite chuffed about. He kept promising (I mean, threatening) to come home early, as he was so homesick, but since I put half of my France money into his account, he seems to have changed his mind. Well, there was no point me keeping it, I'm clearly not going anywhere for a while. And at least I can help him. And now I may be able to get a Michael Jackson ticket with the remaining money! Fingers crossed!!!

Monday was fun (read: not really). Guess what happened Monday? I went to town and bought a pack of 12 - and let David know, via a sexy message. What was his response? To come online and bitch and whine about his ex - who is apparently not speaking to him, despite agreeing they could "still be friends." BULL. SHIT. When you dump someone who you PROPOSED to and she claims "we'll still be friends" - she NEVER means it. NO-ONE ever means it, not if they've been hurt that much. It's just something you say that sounds nice and makes you look dignified. I said it to Aaron - and then smacked him one a month later. And now David can't understand why she's not returning his calls and ignoring his pleas to "talk."

Do you know what's really fucking annoying (apart from Lady Gaga)? He sat there, and talked about it for an HOUR. I barely had to say anything. He just ranted on, while I said occasional consolatory things, whilst thinking; "This is akin to being stabbed in the face." I didn't want to hear a THING about his ex-fiancee, I didn't want to hear about his "feelings" for her. All I wanted was to leave, as soon as possible. But because I'm his friend, I had to lend an ear, sympathise, and offer explanations and solutions. I fucking hate being a good listener sometimes.
In a fit of pique, I threw him a lifeline and said something along the lines of "Let's forget about Saturday, you're obviously not over this and I don't want to get involved." His response? "Well, I'll see what happens.... I'll keep you posted."

NO! No no no no no no NO!!! That is NOT the right answer, you cunt!! The right answer is; "No, it's fine, I'm just being silly, I'll talk to her some other time. I'll see you this weekend, kitted out in the sluttiest underwear you can find, and I'll bring a pack of 12 too!" Yeah, OK, I'm a horribly selfish person, and I should be concerned that my friend is upset. But isn't one of the key rules of Fuck buddy-dom that when (IF) you talk in between sessions, it's only ever about sex? You don't WANT to hear about each other's lives, you are in this for one thing, and one alone. He's blatantly breaking the rules, the dildo. He's not very good at this......

Went to Marie's Tuesday night after we all took a jaunt to ASDA, and spent a very enjoyable evening with her mum and her mate Karen - having a good hearty round of man-bashing (Marie's finally dumped PrickTard Ex for good - turns out he was cheating on her. With a 40 YEAR-OLD) drinking Cheeky Vimtos, discussing men's equipment/techniques and stuffing ourselves with crisps and dips. I finally watched "Mamma Mia" all the way through (and didn't see the point in it whatsoever). Put my little dilemma to Karen, who seemed quite wordly (and something of a MILF, if I'm honest) and knowledgeable, and bloody hell. She was dead on.

She gave me all the advice that was already in my head, but she worded it in such a fantastic way that I understood it ALL. She said I was in control of the whole thing, and should remind David that rules are rules, and that I just don't want to hear about his ex troubles, the same as he wouldn't want to hear about Joe. She said she admired my "3 strikes and you're out" rule, and that I should stick to it, even if he gives just one more little excuse. And EVERYONE was unanimously agreed on one thing - that if I have sex with David this weekend, it isn't cheating on Joe until we're officially going out. I kind of knew that, but I would still feel very guilty if we had sex in the early stages of Joe-dom. BUT, it's apparently definately not cheating whilst we're just seeing each other as friends. And, as they rightfully pointed out, men would just go ahead and do it anyway. If Joe and I end up together, than naturally, I will stop seeing David. Which is a given - there's no way I would cheat, whatever the circumstances or however good the sex.

They seemed quite certain on another thing, too - none of them think he will actually go through with this, despite it being his idea. I have to say, I found myself unwillingly agreeing with them. He's been talking so much about his ex lately, who (despite her ignoring his calls, saying she doesn't love him and refusing to see him) he wants to try and patch things up with. I don't reckon it'll work, but he seems so determined. To the point where a sexy text reminding him about this weekend couldn't even distract him. MAYDAY MAYDAY!!!

I feel quite positive about the whole thing, though. Because no matter HOW MUCH I would give to have sex with him just one more time - I am determined to stick to the "3 strikes" rule. The SECOND he says he might not be able to make this weekend, I am calling off the whole thing. No more Miss Nice Girl, no more Good Listener, Helping Friend, Doormat, whatever you want to call it. If he turns out to be All Mouth and No Trousers like all the others, then I am canning him off, calling Joe and moving on without a backward glance. YEAH, BITCH!!!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: defiant and powerful
Current Music: "Poison" - Alice Cooper (The lyrics of which seem shockingly appropriate and David-related)