Return of the Gestapo

Dear Diary,


Oh joy and happy days. The parents are home. I'm sure you'll guess what I have to say but fuck it - it needs to be said. I WISH THEY'D STAYED THERE.


Alright, not Dad. Maybe just Mum. But SERIOUSLY - there is only so much one person can take and frankly - I'm amazed I've not imploded yet. In a nutshell, yesterday, they returned, brown as chocolate and looking pretty relaxed. But within an hour - AN HOUR - of them arriving home, I'd been questioned and cross-examined on everything from "why I had no money when I've been working all these extra shifts" and "why haven't I cleaned the bath?" to "why I didn't have a job yet" and "exactly what have I done while they were away." I'm talking EVERYTHING.


And the spotlessly tidy house? That I ended up pretty much doing ALL on my own because Shaun decided to piss off to his mates an HOUR before Mum and Dad got home, having only helped me for 10 minutes? Yeah, when it was pointed out to Mum and asked what she thought of my splendid results, was the answer; "Wow! Look at this place, you've done a FANTASTIC job keeping it tidy!" ? No. It was "It's alright..... but why haven't you dusted?"


I swear, people, I was almost weeping as I went to put the kettle on. Sheer unbelievability.


I simply can't fathom it. What sane, rational person goes on a relaxing holiday for 2 weeks - only to return and go into complete hyperactive nagging overdrive within 7 minutes of walking through the front door??

I am furious. Literally furious. I feel like such a bad daughter, hiding out in my room to avoid spending time with her - but I just can't take it. She's been at it again, all day today - I am so fed up of her. I'm actually shaking as I sit here. Right now, the only thing I want is for this evening to come quicker so I can get away for the weekend. Right now, I feel that the only thing that can calm me down is to see Joe - to have him soothe me and tell me it doesn't matter. And I hate that - no matter how I pretend otherwise to his face - I'm so dependant on him.

I feel so crappy and useless right now - maybe it's the impending time of the month, maybe it's just a culmination of things. But at this moment in time, I feel like one of the only things that can make me smile again is seeing Joe. And I hate that - I'd give anything to be my own person, have a job and my own life, without simply waiting to see him again. I hate the idea that I've turned into one of those needy girlfriends I always swore I wouldn't be.

Who knows - maybe I don't really feel like this. Maybe it's just how I'm feeling right now. Either way, it sucks donkey balls. All I know is, (at the risk of sounding like sounding smug and annoying or whatever) if I didn't have Joe in my life at this point, I don't honestly know what I'd have done. Probably shot myself from boredom or misery. And yes that's awfully dark, and no, I wouldn't REALLY have done it. But I'm just glad I've got him to make me smile - because truthfully, I don't want to consider what the alternative would've been.....

Obviously, I'll never tell him this. I'm not a COMPLETE idiot.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: "Never never gonna give you up" - Barry White