Pisshead Philosophy

Dear Diary,

Two blogs in one day! I guess now I'm not working the L********* anymore I'll have to go back to not having any trace of a life......

Work at the pub was hell on wheels. Was in with Sam - who never seems to feel the need to talk me as much as normal people do. Lisa popped in, which was wicked - chatting away and casually brushing off the alarming come-ons that get hurled enthusiastically towards any female under 50 in that place. The punters, trying to place her accent, put her as "Southern" - I was laughing for about 20 minutes afterwards. Told her a short version of last night's events, although didn't go into too much detail for fear of breaking down again..... Soon after she left, a guy who looked and sounded UNCANNILY like Lee came in - I jumped about a mile and got crazy butterflies. And then felt a little bit sad because I am such a collossal twat.

Thankfully wasn't faced with the usual annoying people, scary come-ons or Landlady's hard-arsedness tonight, which meant that all I had to worry about was coping with the raging hangover and developing cold. Ugh. Grr. Not feeling it now, obviously, but it was a strange, almost drugged-up hangover - I was very aware of every inch of my body (which was aching like a bastard) and everything around me, more so than usual, and yet, everything just seemed to whizz past me, like it was another world - I was a world in myself and I'd been taken out and placed in this strange, unfamiliar one....... Hmm. Goddamn Mandarin Vodka.

Did give me chance to have a think, though. I was thinking a lot about last night, and the way I always behave when I get pissed. Now, I've been told by friends that I'm a "funny drunk," and I'm just like myself, but on Speed. But I remembered the conversations I had with Lee, and how I always seem to feel this mad need to explain EVERYTHING and justify myself, and apologise for things other people had completely dismissed. In a nutshell, I turn into the kind of paranoid, self-righteous, I-want-to-tell-people-the-god's-honest-truth nutter I've spent the last few weeks clearing up after and glaring at with contempt.
Need to get out of this habit. I want to become the fun, flirty, but classy and pulled-together lady you always see at parties who people respect a hell of a lot more than the crazy, laughing, shouting mad-head, downing Sambucas and telling her managers how fantastic they are.

Especially for this party we're having in January (which was confirmed last night - the dress WILL have an outing after all!!). This time, I don't want people's impression of me to be the wide-eyed, stary, crazy bitch who challenged everyone to a drinking game before passing out on her boss's sofa. I want to be known as the funny class-act in the gorgeous dress, who knows how to have fun without losing control, binging like a MOTHER and waking up feeling like a re-animated corpse. Hmm. Must think up a strategy. Maybe can discreetly pour away my drinks, or pace myself with frequent water. Anything has to be better than last night.......

Currently lying in bed, propped up against my snuggly giant cushion. Wondering what on earth I'm going to say to Lee on Tuesday. Do I go the normal route - laugh it all off, declare what a mad night it was and thank him for the hospitality? Or do I go the Kat route - apologise for crashing and walking in his room when he wasn't decent and make a weird joke about seeing her boss semi-naked?

Don't answer that.

Just sat here, thinking about it all. I still can't really believe any of it happened, let alone that it was only under 20 hours ago. Still, at least I got to go home with Lee - if not quite the way I'd hoped......

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: grumpy and low
Current Music: "Loaded" - Primal Scream