Ramblings

Dear Diary,


3 things I've learnt while working at the Pub:

Never EVER ask the Landlady for a favour (i.e: To work Christmas Eve instead of New Years Eve, so as to go visit Alice in Edinburgh for a party). She will just glare at you in silence until you stammer yourself ino quivering submission and walk away. Turns out, when we discussed it a few weeks ago - she actually put me down to work New Year's and now I can't get out of it whatsoever. Absolutely gutted. Apparently it's one of the quietest nights the pub ever sees, and yet they still insist on being open. WHY???! Can't say I'm looking forward to midnight, when some of the old perverts will no doubt try to grab me for a New Year's kiss. Must learn how to "accidentally" knee someone in the nads, without making it obvious that it was on purpose.

The aforementioned Rich Bastard who always tips well is also incredibly creepy. One of those quiet, well-spoken types who always comes in alone, orders the exact same drink over and over again, sits and drinks it until WELL after Last Orders and stares at me as I clean tables. The type of repressed-looking guy who looks like he could be a serial killer. Mustn't do or say anything to inadvertently piss him off, or he'll probably choke me by spraying Instant down my throat and making it look like a Work Accident.

The evening goes so much quicker when a friend pops in to say Hello. Lisa came in to "show me something" - which naturally meant I spent the first hour of my shift amusing myself by wondering what it is. Turns out it was an amazing new hairdo, fringe, layers, dye, the works - so much so that I didn't recognise her when she first walked in. Spent a very enjoyable hour shooting the breeze, except for when a very annoying man stood near us and start joining in with our conversation. Annoying as fuck. Especially when we started discussing the Christmas party the Pub's holding on Saturday - and he (as a complete non-sequitur) suddenly brings up his friend who is dying of a disease that paralyses every part of her apart from the brain. Let me tell, you THAT'S a conversation killer if ever I heard of one. Not to mention that it was relevant to absolutely NO part of our previous conversation. I literally didn't know what to say, so instead pulled a sympathetic face, mumbled a few sentences and carried on talking to Lisa. Eek.


Nothing much to waffle on about today. Slept in till 12, and for the first time, woke up thinking not of Lee, but of Gary, who you may remember from the Hallowe'en and Texting entries. Had two dreams (in a row) last night about me confessing everything to Zara about the "incident" at the Hallowe'en party. In the first, we were at her house, she was being incredibly bitchy about the whole thing, but in the end I explained everything and apologised like crazy, which she eventually forgave - and even cried a little. Which was alarming to say the least, since Real Life Zara NEVER cries.

In the second dream, me, Gary, Zara, Renee and Leanne all went away on holiday to Spain. We were walking around this FANTASTIC resort, drinking and having a ball - except Gary kept trying to touch and kiss me every time Zara was looking the other way, which, while being extremely exciting, was dead scary, as she kept nearly catching us out.......
Anyhow, in the evening, I ended up confessing everything to her, while Leanne stood by, chipping in disapprovingly - at which I launched into a blazing counter-attack about how she'd cheated on previous partners, and it's not as if Gary and I were cheating on anyone, etc... etc.... After this big problem-resolving conversation, the girls went out to go visit some nearby island, Gary went to explore the local sweetshop (I don't know why either) and I didn't feel like doing anything, so pretended I was ill and stayed home.

After an hour or so, I heard the door go - it was Gary coming back in. I heard him go in his room, and leave the door open. And despite what I'd said to Zara earlier, I somehow found myself getting out of bed, putting on a silky nightie and going to his room. I knocked on the door, walked in, and wordlessly ended up having the best sex of my life. What does that say about me??! Despite EVERYTHING that's happened, and how it's still all unresolved, and I haven't FULLY confessed or apologised to Zara - if Gary and I ended up in such a circumstance, I totally would. Christ. I'm such a bad friend.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: confused and grouchy
Current Music: The aria from "Shawshank Redemption"