All fired up

Dear Diary,

Last night was absolutely fan-frigging-tastic! BUT to make more sense, I must go back to Sunday evening.

So, as you may or may not know, Sunday evening was spent lounging off my drunkeness, watching last week's Corrie and thinking about how happy the sticky toffee pudding from the party made me. And then - rather surprisingly - I got a text off Kyle: "Can we Skype soon? I miss you!" Half an hour later and we were away. I forgot how much I missed him too. We talked about Jacko's death, both still completely unable to fathom it, talked about his work and what the funeral on Tuesday would be like. Bit of trivia for you - if it wasn't for Michael Jackson, Kyle and I probably wouldn't have become friends. We were sat next to each other in one of the first lectures of first year, and as he put his phone away, I saw the infamous "Thriller" zombie picture as his screensaver. I asked him to send it me, we got talking, and you know the rest. Good times.

After the usual (me moaning about being jobless and without job), Kyle put forward an idea - to do a Tarot card reading for me. I was feeling skeptical, until I remembered the last time I went to his - he had done one, sat on his bed, around the subject of me finding chemistry and romance with any potential suitors (bear in mind this was AFTER the first date with Joe). And a week later - well, you know the story by now. So I said yes. This time, it was based around me finding work. His conclusion (and the card's) was thus: that past issues were holding me back and delaying me from moving forward in my life. Fair enough.

So in a fantastic spirit of righteous vengeance and putting-the-world-to-rights-ness, yesterday evening I lit a fire in the BBQ outside, and - with the help of a Reiki CD and my most "goddess-y" dress - ritualistically burnt every single token, memento, souvenir and reminder of Aaron. Everything. Sadly, was too afraid of neighbours to do any particularly exorcising/goddess dancing, but I threw in some Rosemary (we didn't have Sage) and gazed into the flames. Dad came out, told me "it's all for the best, kid. Your new life starts here," and that he was proud of me. I watched as bus tickets, meal receipts, cinema tickets, Ann Summers "Sex Cheques" and a map of the local park (where I first had "outdoors-sex") all went up in deeply satisfying naked flame. Last but not least, I threw on a handmade Christmas card he made me. His name - and kisses - were the last things to burn out.

As I watched, there seemed to be one last tiny struggling flame, still going on it's own - and I thought about how similar this was to me. However much I denied it over the past year, I was still carrying a tiny torch, there was still a little flame I had for him - however cunt-ishly he behaved. I still missed him, and despite overwhelming odds, I still might've considered if he came back. But not anymore. That part of my life was over. And just as I was thinking this, the flame finally went out.

I swear, you couldn't write this stuff.

Now I just feel happy, like a weight has been lifted. And excited. I also deleted his phone number, email address, and removed him from my Facebook friends (christ only knows why I still have all those things).
In other news, Joe told me of an admin position opening up at his job, so have applied with gusto and aplomb. I can feel it, somehow, that everything is finally going to be alright. This job is MINE!!!

Tonight should be fun - it's Lisa's birthday tomorrow, so tonight I'm taking Joe to meet her and Mike (her boyfriend) for a pub tea. It's also Michael Jackson's funeral. Eeep. Not entirely sure how bad it's going to be. But knowing him - or what we've learnt of him over the years - it will surely be a spectacular show.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: still fired up and positive from yesterday
Current Music: "Work" - Kelly Rowland (Freemason's Mix)