Oh, what a busy few days. Mind you, I suppose that's a good thing, seeing as how it keeps me from dwelling on how useless I am most of the time. So, I left you on Thursday, on the brink of a tremedous, and almost dangerously fun weekend. Where to begin? Oh that's right, with my SIGN LANGUAGE EXAM!!!
THURSDAY
Earlier than usual, I trotted down (via bus) to the centre to get some practice in, and almost immediately made a cock of myself by accidentally walking straight into the lounge whilst an exam was taking place. Ooops. Hung out in the kitchen, practising with everyone else and swapping secret smiles with Joe, when he arrived. We went outside to "practise" (translation: engage in an illicit snog against a wall) and went over the exam countless times.
Well, the wonderful news is, my exam went great. Better than great, I'd say - despite extreme stage fright (it was being filmed). I apologised for the interruption, the tutor said it was fine, as she didn't hear me (Ha! I love her) and we were away. Did have a potentially sticky moment when Joe was brought up - as we'd agreed to, well, not exactly keep it SECRET, but just not tell anyone in class for the time being. But then this happened:
3/4 through the exam (both signing):
Tutor: "You have boyfriend?"
Me: (*panicked expression and indecently long pause*) "Yes."
Tutor: "How long?"
Me: "I think.... 2 months......?"
Tutor: "Awwww!"
Me: (*thinking: "There's no way she'll ask anything else about him! I'm safe..."*)
Tutor: "His name what?"
Me: (*thinking: "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"*) "J-o-e"
Tutor: "Oh........ OH, I see! Awwww!"
Me: (*helpless fake-smile grimace*)
So yeah. And the funny part is, when Joe was asked the same question (his exam was straight after mine), he was so alarmed at the prospect of more finger-spelling, he simply said "No, I'm single." Hmmmm..... I wonder what the tutor thinks? Anyway, it was fun, I enjoyed it, and I think I did very well. Afterwards Joe and I went for a celebratory drink and got a pizza on the way home. Mmmm..... 14-inch.....
FRIDAY
Nothing special. Mooched around all day till Joe picked me up. We went to see "The Hangover" which was absolutely fucking brilliant and incredibly well-written. And I've now seen Heather Graeme's boob. Just a fun fact for you. Oh, and the beardy guy who played Alan had better win an Emmy or something, because he was incredibly hilarious. I will say only this: SUNGLASSES on a BABY. That is all.
Best quote ever: "Hey, this is Alan, leave me a message. Or ring back later. But don't send me a text, because it's gay."
SATURDAY
was pretty awesome. After waking up and fooling around slightly (WHY do I find it impossible to have morning sex? WHY??!) we decided that hanging out more was WAY more interesting than Joe's football practice- and so, on the sperm of the moment, jumped a bus into town. The journey in itself was pretty interesting - Joe discovered the small silver bullet I always carry around (lord only knows why - surely no emergency constitutes the use of a vibrator?) in my handbag, and sneakily put it to use. Tram vibrations, plus vibrator vibrations, plus denim jeans? I was done before we even reached town!
Pretty much just faffed around all afternoon, looking in the shops, which was HELL for me, as I'd only brought my heels to wear (assuming I was only staying one night). Joe picked up several horror movies and we went for an All-you-can-eat Chinese. Afterwards we sat on a bench opposite the train station, watching the world go by and pretending to be deaf so we could practise signing - much to the awe of some nearby kids.
And oh my fucking life, you won't BELIEVE who I saw. There was an Eagles concert taking place nearby, so loads of adults were heading in one direction. And all of a sudden, KEN from CORRIE was getting out of a car. WILLIAM ROACH!! The man is a Coronation Street LEGEND!!! I sat there literally gawping at him, too scared to take a photo or ask for an autograph - a little bit because he turned and looked right at me, to see my mouth hanging and my eyes popping. Lovely. Anyway, we got home and watched "Saw 2." 2 down, 3 to go!
SUNDAY
Ah, Sunday. This was a pretty extrordinary day, in many different ways. Well, the good news is that Joe's family were all going away till Tuesday, so we could do what we liked (translation: be inordinately noisy). Which made for a very creepy moment when his cat Shandy walked in. Have you ever been watched by a cat? It's bloody scary - totally killed the moment. But I could forgive him, he's the cutest cat in the world. He's about 80, has a purr like a vibrator and breathes hilariously.
The afternoon was pretty fun - in kinda weird ways. First off, I went to have a bath...... and in a futile attempt to be sexy asked Joe to come "scrub my back." First we got cockblocked by Jehovah's Witnesses (why did they knock so urgently? WHY??!), and then, with a resounding and sickening crunch - he stood on my glasses. My gorgeous, sexy, secretary-style, zebra-print thick-framed glasses. Well, that's what I get for trying to be saucy, I suppose. We rang the Optician's which closed at 2 - so in a desperate, crazy, race-against-time, we leapt in the car and raced back home. Except his car was running dangerously low on petrol, so we had to zoom along the motorway, me clutching one-armed glasses up to my eye, and yelling dramatic commentary. Back at my house I raced in, yelling a speedy 30-second explanation to Dad whilst grabbing my contact lenses, and running back out.
We made it to the Tesco Petrol station with 0 miles left. Exciting times!Joe had planned to cook tea as repayment for a few weeks ago - so once my lenses were in, we popped into Tesco for ingredients. And guess what - we bumped in Lisa!! And her mum. Had a big long chat about her sexy new flat in London (she's moving in Sunday with Mike) before continuing the hunt for ingredients - both pretending to be deaf and signing to each other all the way round the shop. It's so geeky, but damn, it's so fun!
Back at Joe's I hung around watched him cook tea - which, incidentally, was AMAZING. Stir-fried prawns (complete with groovy chef-style giant flame) with marie-rose sauce to start, garlic and herby salmon with lemon dill sauce, new potatoes and asparagus for main, and ice cream (covered copiously with crumbled up Wispas) for dessert - which we ate in front of Dr. Who. Ice-cream, Wispas, and David Tennant. What the hell more could a girl want?Oh wait, it get's better! We went to see "Bruno" - and I met his mates! They're really nice, although we didn't get to talk much. But oh my god - go and see "Bruno," if you haven't already. It is fucking HILARIOUS!! I can't remember the last time I cried laughing.
So all in all, a fab weekend!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: "Hold on" - KT Tunstall
No comments:
Post a Comment