Good news and bad

Dear Diary,

Well, some good news at last. I'm feeling optimistic AND Joe found me a plausible job opening he's applying for as well. Met him for lunch in the city again (bearing sandwiches from Mum's shop - highg school flashback!) where he told me about it. It's Data Entry, boring as bricks, BUT it's in the city, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week..... £12.50 AN HOUR. Can you IMAGINE such a world??! I'd be fetching nearly two grand a month!! So my application is currently sitting in an Inbox somewhere, waiting to be opened......

On a less pleasant note, Pat and I had the mother of all showdowns in the pub. Cannot be rammed recapping (mostly because it makes me fume like rat poison) but in a nutshell, I was told that I'm "unitelligent," "useless," "never gonna make anything of myself" and should "just stick to cleaning and barwork, as that's all you'll ever be good for."

Hmmm. Believe me, I am refraining from calling him all manner of things and threatening all kinds of stuff, partly so as not to come across as a psycho, partly cos I'd never have the balls to carry it out anyway. But needless to say, I was left shaking, furious, and gripping a glass so hard I nearly broke it. How dare he? How fucking DARE he??!! What gives HIM the right to tell me I'm going wrong with my life??! Yes, I may not have leaped into my desired career straight away, or popped a baby out at 21, but that does NOT make me worthless. I tell you what, I'd give a damn sight more to be me than a pathetic old man who drinks 15 pints every single night, freely admits to not being able to "get it up," gets his kicks off trying to guess my bra size and thinks "variety" is wandering down the road to a different pub.

And "unintelligent"?? I have a feeling he's making the mistake many judgemental people do, and confusing "dizzy" with "thick," which REALLY pisses me off. These people don't know me AT ALL. I am NEVER myself when I work in that pub, and only a handful of people in this world actually know what I'm REALLY like. The dizziness, most of the time, is exaggerated to get laughs off friends and tips off punters. Some times I'm just plain forgetful and a little bit easily confused. But I am NOT unintelligent. I get through about 4 books a week, I can sing songs in Latin and speak 3 other languages. I may not be good at maths, but I can comunicate with deaf people, hold debates, have opinions and work my way out of any difficult solution I've ever been in. I know more things than he could ever comprehend. I love reading about our history, have a huge vocabulary and I don't understand politics because I simply have no interest in it. I CHOOSE not to watch the news, not because I don't understand it, but because I hate getting depressed about the state of our world (I already feel shitty enough, I don't need things ADDED to that). And for god's sake, one wonders, if I'm so thick, how the hell did I get into a Grammar school? Because I'll tell you now, my family is by NO means loaded.

And what the hell does it matter anyway? Who decides that academic intelligence is the be-all and end-all? Yes, it probably helps a lot more getting jobs in certain fields, particularly if you're a scientist or whatever. But some of the cleverest, smartest people I know never even went to COLLEGE, let alone university. And that's why people like Pat piss me off - because their shallow, cynical, sanctimonious old selves never let them truly get to know people, and think that there is SO much that they just don't know about. I long for the day my deaf friends from the hospital up the road come in, so he can see me holding a full-blown conversation with them.

I'm aware that I'm coming across as a total dick right now, but I get dick-ish when I'm passionate (or annoyed) about something. But I just can't tell you how irritating it is to see those thick grey eyebrows go shooting up when I come out with a long word, as if to say "How the hell do you know that? You're so thick!" Grrrrr.............

On a similar note, Level 2 Sign Language is going fantastically well. And I'm getting loads of shifts (and therefore money) at the moment. AND Mum's given me some work in my old job at her shop again. Things are DEFINATELY looking up!

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Current Mood: slightly peeved
Current Music: "The end of the world" - R.E.M