More bafflement

Dear Diary,

Following last entry's revelation, I can hardly get the thought off my mind. Should I, shouldn't I, what are the politics of a three-way, etc... etc... I seem to be forgetting that little voice in my head (the one that usually gets me into trouble) that always shouts; "Fuck it! You're only young once! Love life, get paid, get laid!" OK, I MAY have ripped that off "American Pie." But my point is, I'm thinking and worrying about it too much. I reckon I should just go with the flow, and take it as it comes.

SCENARIO 1: If we don't meet this guy and it doesn't happen, fine, I'll have had a wicked night out and got paraletic with an old friend in a cracking city.
SCENARIO 2: If we meet him, but at the end of the night he ends up in the bed with Kyle and I'm delegated to the sofa, fuck it, I'll put my Ipod on to drown out the noises and have a rare old dance-along. (Ever do that in bed when listening to music? No.....? Just me......? OK......)
SCENARIO 3: If by some insane act of God - or most likely, Sambuca - it actually takes place, well shit, I know enough techniques to do a decent job (no pun intended), and should any mishaps occur, I'll simply laugh them off and sail through the whole thing emitting an air of gay abandon (pun intended).

Have to say, given how excited he apparently was, I haven't heard a squeak from Kyle about it since. We texted each other excitedly from work tonight upon discovering Michael Jackson is doing a comeback tour in London..... oh, and he emailed me a picture of the 3rd party, but that's about it. No mention WHATSOEVER. I'm starting to think it may have just been a throwaway comment, the kind of weird kinky thing he says sometimes, and even pretends to plan, but never SERIOUSLY goes through with it. DAMN though. The 3rd-party-guy's quite fine, in a "I may or may not be a Puerto-Rican man-whore" way. The kind of Cabana boy you'd see serving your cocktails by a beach, who has somehow ended up in England, wearing beanie hats and being perved on 29 times a day before he's even opened his mouth.

SHIT. What the hell am I thinking?? He's WAY too sexy, and combined with Kyle's sexiness, the two will just combine in a big sexy exploding ball of cross-mojonations (like Austin Powers meeting the Fembots) and I'll just end up sat on the edge of the bed watching, like.... like.... a spare part at a threesome. This is a fucking nightmare.
I'm ashamed to say I was at so much of a loose end that I had a look online. Was expected shed-loads of porn to come up, but luckily found a few advices pages straight away, the best one being this. Whilst it didn't really offer me much help, I spent the best part of 45 minutes creased up in absolute fucking hysterics at some of the topic replies. Utter. Brilliance. It seems men really are as predictable as we label them, being that the replies range from the obvious; "Don't do it - what if he's got a bigger wang than you?!" to the hysterical; "As Ghostbusters taught us, NEVER cross the streams!" Absolutely fantastic. My dilemna may not be solved, but Christ did I need a laugh like that......

Not had too much of a pleasant day. Was in a completely stinking mood, had pains that 6 paracetemol haven't yet chased away, I didn't even make it to the gym, and have eaten my body weight in absolutely FUCKING EVERYTHING. On the plus side, it was good to get back to work after a week, I made good tips, and I may have cooked my best meal yet - oregano and corriander-smothered chicken bites in a hot pitta served with peppers and onions, accompanied by a dill yoghurt and BBQ sauce for dipping. And curly fries. Parents unanimously gave it my first 10/10. I'm a motherfucking GENIUS.

Read an article in the paper at work: Apparently scientists have PROVED that all women are secretly lesbians. 5 women were sat down and showed 5 different types of porn - straight porn, gay porn, lesbian porn, a girl masturbating, and a ridiculously hot guy walking naked down a beach. These women were wired up to some kind of vaginal response-detector machine, and apparently, whilst the women wrote down that they weren't interested at all in the lady-action, their downstairs parts were telling a COMPLETELY different story!
So the conclusion is that all women are lesbians. OK, maybe that's a LITTLE generalising. Especially based on just 5 women. But the long and short of it was, that women are more exploratory than they let on, and are more receptive to, and easily turned on by, girl-on-girl sex.

For Christ's sake, I could've told them that. A PEDANT could've told them that. Is this what we're spending our research money on while people are still getting cancer?! Come on, now.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: "Stuck in the middle with you" - Stealers Wheel. And I've just realised how ironic that is........