Weekend shenanigans

Dear Diary,

Crikey, for someone who does very little these days, I really do take the piss with this blog, don't I? Having said that, I'd give anything to be out having a life, but hey, then I guess I wouldn't write as much, would I? Hmmm.... So, what has yours truly been up to this weekend?

FRIDAY:

Was not bad. Walked down to the Job Centre, again revelling in a fine sunny day. I'm ashamed to say, I did leave with a leaflet in my hand - but I have the number to ring and now know what to do, so everything's cool. Deliberately wandered around the whole village to stay in the sun as possible - it made me smile how much the village has changed, but still remains the same..... Saw a girl with a lollipop wearing my high school uniform, which made me smile nostalgically. So I went and bought a lollipop of my own - I reckon you haven't lived until you've walked in the sun with a lollipop! Bumped into an old friend, who was looking alarmingly gorgeous.

Went back to the Trees in the evening to claim my wages - and wages there were. Fina-fucking-lly! Decided to stay and piss it away on a few drinks, chatting to Marie behind the bar - who, it has to be said, was very distant with me. Shit, has she heard something about me slagging off her Twattish Boyfriend?? Fucking hell, it's nothing nobody else is saying. And I've said it all to her face before, anyway. AND she's agreed with me. Apparently he's being good to her now. Let's see how long it lasts.

I can't give you a full explanation of why I hate him, we'd be here all night. I'll just show you a conversation I had with Marie about a month ago:

K: "I don't get it - he yells at you, he treats you like shit, he goes off and kisses other women but goes crazy if a bloke so much as LOOKS at you. He gets angry when you talk to other men, and has made you cry about a zillion times....."
M: "Yeah....."
K: "And I hope you don't mind me saying, but....."
M: "No, I know, he's not even that good looking."
K: "Marie, I'll be frank - has this guy got a dick the size of King Kong??"
M: "No."
K: "He must be one HELL of a shag then!"
M: (*pause*) "No....... not really."
K: "......................%$^*&£$?????!!!!!"
M: "He's not even that good at foreplay..... I pretty much have to tell him what to do."
K: "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS????!"

Why the HELL is she with this lad?? Jesus Christ almighty, I despair. God knows, I love women, but DAMN, we can be a pretty hopeless bunch sometimes. (I am a prime example......)

Anyway, sat at the bar for a few hours. Julie told me I wasn't working on Saturday this week after all (GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!). Chatted to a Hugh Laurie-a-like (NB: don't ever TELL them that, for some reason they don't see it as a compliment. God knows why, I think he's gorgeous!) for ages, who was pretty pissed, but very attractive, and wearing a grey cardie. What an odd sentence. Attempted to chat him up, but he eventually left. Note to self: Never EVER do the chatting up. Got the bus home after 2 drinks, sent a text to Gary, biting the bullet and asking him for a drink on Saturday night - ending with the words: "Don't worry, this is not a pissed-up booty call text!" Hmmm. So often have I read that men just want women to say what they're thinking, and just be frank. But can you imagine if I'd ended the message with; "I want to kiss your face, nibble your ears and eat your sexy man-nipples"?? No chance. He didn't reply anyway.
Got home pissed and grumpy, and watched "What lies beneath" with Mum. Finished a bottle of white wine together. It was cool - must have more Mother-Daughter film nights more often. Oh, and I told her about my hours at the pub being dropped - she was surprisingly reassuring.

SATURDAY:

Was quite cool. Got up nice and early (*groan*) to go into town with Mum, in preparation for her dinner party - which I was now attending due to having Saturday night free. Took a wander round the fish and meat market, which I LOVE, all those fantastic smells, sights, colours and noises. Markets really are the greatest multi-sensory places in the WORLD. God, I sound like a creative writing exercise, but it's true. Plus, I LOVE my fish and meat (no obvious jokes, please!)
Spent the afternoon watching the rugby with Dad before running down to the shops to get a Mother's Day card and some flowers (yes, I'm a bad, dis-organised daughter). Kyle phoned on the way home - had a lovely chat, mostly about Mother's Day and where to try hunting for MJ tickets.

The dinner party went down a storm. I sat in the lounge and watched "Notting Hill" and ate what felt like 3 helpings of everything. And marvelled at the comedic genius that is Rhys Ifans. Who DOESN'T love that Pandora's Box joke.....?
Had to go to bed pretty early - felt so full I though my kidneys would rupture. And food doesn't even GO near the kidneys! That's how bad it was......

Oh, forgot to mention - Gary replied to my text in the morning, he was working Saturday night and couldn't come out. But what pisses me off is that everytime he's said no because of work - he never once suggested another time. He clearly isn't as interested as he makes out. Right, fuck him. That's it, I'm out. I'm done trying with him. If he wants me to come over, if he wants me full stop, he can fucking well BEG me. Balls to work, I've been blown off 5 times (and not even in a good way), that to me is a pretty fucking clear hint that it's not gonna happen. I'm finished chasing him, he's missed his chance. If he sends me about 28 texts and messages asking me, then fine, I'll go. But until then, he is DEAD to me.

SUNDAY:

Today was nice. Was shouted out of bed to go to Auntie's house for lunch. Had a quick shower and wore my Cheryl Cole dress with matching killer heels. Wrote the card and presented it (with the flowers and a hand-made gift-card procclaiming that I will cook all meals for a week) to Mum, about 5 minutes before we were hustled out the door. Yes, I'm dis-organised. Not to mention cheap (*bows head in shame*).
Anyway, got to Auntie's and had a gorgeous roast dinner. It was AMAZING to see Grandma again....... even if she didn't think I'd lost weight. Ah, the older generation and their speak-your-mind attitude, how I love it! After the meal we sat chilling out, listening to Bob Marley, watching the footie and playing games. All in all, a pretty sweet day!

Shaun rang when we got home, it was AWESOME to speak to him after so long. He seems fine, moving on to the next place soon.....
Watched Dancing on Ice with Mum. Ray won, which I was pretty chuffed about. Yes, I get jollies off his accent, but at the end of the day, he was the best skater. He moved like poetry! (Mum disagrees, but then, no-one in my family likes Scousers apart from me)

SO, now I'm lying in bed, knackered and full. And Gary's popped up online, shall I wait and see if he talks to me? Or will he realise that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.....? (*sinister eyebrow-raise and moustache-twirl*) HA! Just let him TRY and talk to me, I'm gonna be frostier than a snowman's left testicle.
(What's the betting he probably won't speak to me now? I'm gonna be SO embarrassed if that's the case......)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS: He didn't speak to me, the cunt. Men are such dick-faces.

Current Mood: fuller than a pregnant woman's bladder
Current Music: "You do something to me" - Paul Weller