Old (cyber) flames

Dear Diary,

Nothing else to tell you about the past 2 days, really. Yesterday was fairly boring - I dossed around again and went to the gym. I'm definately getting better though, I was on the pedometer for 20 minutes straight WITHOUT STOPPING - which for me is some kind of miracle. Also discovered several more arm-toning machines (how do I KEEP finding new machines? It's only a small area!) and that the Sexualiser also pushes OUTWARDS - working out the inner thighs. And trust me, that's a body area I want to get toned! Although I should probably stop calling it the Sexualiser, before the writers of "Peep Show" sue me...... mind you, I'm sure if I talked up the show and said how brilliant it was, I'd be alright. Except I wouldn't even be lying - it really is the closest thing to comedic genius I've ever seen.

Oh, Gary started chatting to me online when I got back - at the same time as Alice, which I'm GUESSING she wasn't best pleased about..... Alice, rest assured I was not talking dirty with Gary whilst chatting to you, that's a kind of confusion my poor head couldn't BEGIN to cope with! I wonder if ANYONE'S ever tried cyber-flirting their arse off while planning a visit to a friend's university? Don't answer that.....
Anyhow, he wanted to apologize for drunkenly texting me at 2am the other night (forgot to mention: nothing saucy though, so not worth bothering), one thing lead to another and we were soon nattering away. I always forget how deliciously funny he is. Not to mention he has a very wicked way with words! We ended up actually ACKNOWLEDGING what a crazy affect we had on each other, how we wish we were in the same city (yawn yawn, heard it all before) and how alcohol apparently doesn't affect him, it just makes him able to stay hard for hours (I mean this in the nicest way possible, but: BULL. SHIT.)

After a 3-hour conversation continuing in this rein we were both ready to dig out the old "rent a hotel for a night" idea - especially now it doesn't have the stigma of "But Zara's your ex" attached to it, since she apparently never was. Anyhow, it was much discussed, but never actually finalised. Jesus. Am I doomed to live a life of flirting outrageously online but never actually getting to have proper physical sex with these men again? Oh great, I'm a cyber-slag. I swear to god, my vibrators will be contributing to the energy crisis at this rate......

Anyway, today was nothing special - Mum and Dad set off for their weekend holiday, accompanied as usual by bickering, but most likely soothed upon arrival with a hearty batch of gin and tonics with a bunch of friends...... So it's just little old me rattling around the house. Alone. Even though I'm left like that every day, there's something rather freeing about being able to do what the hell I like and not have to worry about parents coming home at 4 oclock....
Naturally I've made the most of my precious time alone by ordering a pizza (fuel for the engine, I may justify..... I mean, explain) having a big fat shower and dressing up like a St. Trinian in a fit of girlish high spirits (or more likely depressed, on the rag, and wanting to cheer myself up) and sat on my arse watching horror films all night. Alone. And we're having a new front door put in, so I'm feeling ever so slightly vulnerable with just the porch door to protect me. Maybe not the best idea - and it doesn't help that I've just watched "Saw 4" either.

But what can I say - I adore horror films, even alone in the house. Yes, sometimes you get that freaky chill up your back that makes you jump and sends the shits up you, but I like it, in a way. It shows you're human, and not some kinda robot who can't feel things. And thank god - I was starting to think I didn't have a threshold to be crossed anymore. But 2 hours of that familiar bucket-loads of gore, intricate traps and hair-ripping soon reminded me otherwise. If anything else, it's refreshing to see a films series with a mind behind it, instead of some massively-endowed bimbo running from room to room when any logical person will tell you she should be sprinting her arse out the front door, grabbing the phone for the police en route.

The "Saw" series is different, the music, theme and format's still the same, so you know where you're at, and even recognise old characters that re-appear, but they still shock you to bits with the twists, and the traps just get better (or worse!) everytime. Whilst answering - and asking - more questions. It's like "Lost" in a horror film setting. Well, I suppose they already did that with "Cloverfield," which I also watched this evening. Utter. Genius. Big unidentified monster that no-one ever really sees, on the loose, making crazy unearthly noises and randomly killing people...... They really might as well have called it "Lost: The Movie."

Onto a less cheerful note - I went on Facebook earlier and to my surprise and bafflement: David still has on his profile that he's "in a relationship" with his friend. Who, 2 weeks ago, he told me he'd split up with. Who decided, along with him, that it was better to be friends rather than get together just because they were both feeling lonely. Who, rather annoyingly, has the same name of that skinny-ass dwarf slag of Satan cuntling that Aaron left me for. Why do they ALWAYS have the same name? I might as well change mine. Except I like it too much......

Plus, there's very intimate messages from her on his wall, all "babe" and "I miss you" and "I wish you were here" only left a week ago. I literally got butteflies when I saw them, and not in the good way. We're talking stomach-clunk-of-dread-before-going-on-stage-way. And there's a picture of them as well, on a night out, holding hands. She's alright, I suppose. Blonde (naturally), not bad thighs, shiny-faced, false nails, weird little round glasses, a strange smile, looks like a 30-something single mum, sat in a way that you can't tell if her boobs are bigger than mine (I reckon they aren't) or if she's thinner than me or not (oh come on, I'm a girl, I have to know these things). But my point is: What the blind steaming arsing hell is going on? Why say they're together if they're not together? Can he not let go? Is it simply forgetfulness?

The odd thing is, I technically shouldn't even care. We're just "mates" as he so frequently proclaims - we've only slept together twice and I haven't seen him for a year.
So why do I feel so upset?

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Current Mood: tired and grumpy
Current Music: That oh-so-familiar "Jigsaw" theme