Let's talk some more about........

Dear Diary,

Last night was incredibly frustrating. After a very long conversation with Alice about men, I was even more confused and head-fucked than I am in...... well, pretty much every day in my normal life. Together, or individually, Lisa, Alice and I have all wondered the exact same thing.

QUESTION OF THE DAY:

As a geralisation, men are the ones with incredibly high sex drives, who want it all the time, think about it every 6 seconds, and will stick their dick in anything that will have them (Apart from children and animals. Well, excluding certain fucked-up individuals). As another generalisaiton, women are the fairer sex - the "Not tonight dear, I have a headache" types, who don't want, or think about sex HALF as much as men do, and have to sometimes be persuaded into it. What we all want to know is WHEN THE HELL DID NATURE GET TURNED ON IT'S ARSE??! All 3 of us have noticed that, whilst in stable relationships (well, the others, anyway, I can only go off experience), the women are horny almost constantly and want sex ALL THE TIME, so why are the men - the testosterone producing, sperm carrying, penis owning MEN!!!! - when they have a constant form of more-than-happy sex on tap provided, so content to go without for longer periods of time? To turn down a hot session in favour of WORK, or TIREDNESS, or even....... TIDYING UP????!! What has HAPPENED to evolution??


As you can see from the frequent use of capitals and question/exclamation marks, this thought struck something of a chord. Had a big long chat about it, and then, since he was online, decided to ask David's opinion. You know, for research purposes only..... (*cough*)

KAT: Hey you
DAV: Hey yourself. Nice photo!
KAT: Awwww, thanks!

NB: I totally DIDN'T change my profile photo to a sexier one when I saw he was online. Not at all..... (*glances around shiftily*)

KAT: I would say the same to you, but I'd be thinking about a different photo....
DAV: Lol, perv
KAT: I know. Sue me.

NB: When on EARTH did I learn how to flirt??! Good lord, this is amazing, why the HELL have I never done this before??

DAV: So, what's up?
KAT: Have a question I've been discussing with friends, and need a male perspective
DAV: Go on......
KAT: (*repeats earlier question*)
DAV: Right, in laymans terms..... When a guy is with a woman, she is his. He can fuck her when he wants, and he decides when that is. If a woman starts telling him when to fuck her, he is losing power, so he doesn't want to. I would bet money if your mates started making the guys work for it more, they would want it more. He retains power by NOT fucking her when she tells him to.
KAT: So, basically it all boils down to "men need the power"? Good lord, I thought we'd moved on from the caveman days. Although that makes sense.
DAV: If she says he is not fucking her, he's gonna be all 'I SAY WHEN WE FUCK, SO GET NAKED BITCH!'
KAT: Yikes, that sounds like a potential rapist
DAV: Conciously, we HAVE moved on, if we think about sex and stuff, it's all clinical. But the basic instincts never go away. When we still lived in tribes the women were told when they were gonna get fucked, not asked. The underlying psychology of sex will always be more powerful than they theory of how it should be.
KAT: So, what you're saying is, we're supposed to just lie back and wait for the guy to decide when he wants to have a go - no matter how horny we feel and how long we have to wait? Jesus, that sucks.
DAV: Yeah, but if you're not putting it out there so often then they'll probably want it more
KAT: I see.......
DAV: Make him think he is taking it rather than being given it


Intrigueing! Well, that's certainly given me a lot to think about. Isn't there a book written about this?? If not, there bally well SHOULD be. This is INCREDIBLE! Here I was, thinking there was a perfectly rational explanation, and it turns out that men are basically still just stuck in the caveman days! Actually, I don't know why this shocks me so much. God, it's enough to turn anyone to lesbianism.
The conversation continued a little longer - me flirting my ARSE off and subtly attemtpting to find out when they're having any parties so I can go back and "visit" (ie: booty-call the SHIT out of him) but he just was NOT getting it. Either that, or he didn't want to. Hmpfh. Had a particular moment when he was bemoaning never getting laid, so I suggested (subtly!) he throw a house party and lay on the free booze. His reply?

D: "I'm not looking for a relationship or anything, but I know one thing - I don't want to have sex with a woman who only does it cos she's pissed. I want to wake up next to someone who WANTS to be there"
K: "Yeah, fair point"

TRANSLATION OF "FAIR POINT":

"BUT THAT'S ME!!! That's ME, DAVID!!! I want to be there!! In fact, I want to be there right now!! I would love nothing MORE than to wake up with you, I think about having sex with you about 18 times a day WHILST sober!!! Why do you think I chat to you on here so much??! Because I totally fancy the bloody arse off you!! And I'm not even looking for a relationship with you, I just want some more of that hot David-loving!! If you only KNEW that and gave me a call, I'd be on the National Express with a toothbrush in my handbag and 72 jonnies in my purse before you could say 'Fuck me till my eyes explode, you crazy sex-mad BITCH!!!'"

Yeah......... Guess what's been on my mind lately? (*cough*) Obviously though, I can't ever SAY that to him, as no-one ever wants to hear something like that. Not to mention, would ruin any shred of feminine mystique I've been pretending to have. Hmmmm. Grrr...... Where was I?


MISSION FOR THIS WEEK/MONTH/YEAR: Do NOT give it away. (*Fights urge to start singing the Chillies' "Give it away now"*) It would seem that men don't appreciate sex on tap after all - make them feel like they are TAKING it, no matter how much we may internally giggle at REALLY knowing the truth.

Must test this theory out, when next in a relationship. So I'll get back to you in 2012, then.

This is baffling, though. Cos take me for example, on nights out when I put it out there (*blushes shamefully*), I more often than not get a one-night stand. So, that kinda shoots David's theory to shit, as I'm being easy to catch. Although, alcohol probably sways judgement.

Mind you, I suppose all men are different. Look at David - that second time I went to his. I didn't think anything would happen cos he was absolutely knackered after work - and we ended up awake till 4am. (Will never forget the CLASSIC quote that followed: "I thought you were tired?" "I was...... but then I got horny!")
Whereas Cunt-Face (the dickhead formerly known as Aaron) would shoot out of bed in the mornings to make breakfast, and once turned down my wordless proposal (ie: standing nekkid behind him wearing nothing but raised eyebrows) because he had to do work. On a piece of coursework that wasn't due FOR THREE MONTHS. I mean, what the fuck??

Eeeeee, I dunno. Have to say, my theory is working very well on Gaz (from the pub? Remember?) Having refrained from going back home with him on 2 occasions now (well, once last week, and this week I was too ill to go out), he is texting me loads and even PHONED tonight. Not that I answered, being at work. Gosh, maybe the old treat-'em-mean-keep-'em-keen theory actually works. This is INCREDIBLE.

Not been up to much today. Flu seems to have gotten worse since yesterday, headaches raging (which had BETTER be due to flu, and not adorkable new glasses) and nose snuffling. Work was fairly dull and awful. Although got time off in February to visit Lisa in Oxford. Woo-hoo!

Still waiting on Lee. This is beyond a joke now..... He MUST be in Italy or something.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Current Mood: baffled
Current Music: "Give it away" - The Chillies (well, I had to put it on)