Someone's getting killed

Dear Diary,

In case you can't tell, today's not been that brilliant. Well, it was to begin with. Day 5 has been quite cool - due to the introduction of BEEF. Good old tough, gorgeous, sexy British BEEF. I forgot how much I absolutely bloody LOVE my meat (*Pauses to physically restrain self from making crass joke*). I was allowed 10-20 ounces today- so grilled one steak, choppped it into bits and put it in a salad for lunch. Natural beef juices + a TEENY bowl of homemade special sauce made it the finest damn thing I've eaten this week. I was literally just stood over the grill, inhaling and making semi-orgasmic noises - before sitting and scranning down in front of an electric "Lost" finale. Sweet times.

Tea wasn't so good. Had another steak but this time had to have a can of tomatoes with it, which were pretty damned disgusting. Still, managed to have 7 glasses to water to "wash out the uric acid." Oooh, and I've weighed myself again - I've lost another 2 pounds!! This is fucking SWEET!! Nearly half a STONE in 5 days! This is amazing. Although my BMI and Body Fat's gone up, inexplicably. Goddamn bananas. I blame those bendy knob-heads.

Had work at the pub again. The arrival of an old friend inspired this entry's title, not to mention fuck-loads of relief, seeing as I was almost a week late. Well, I always assume the worst, and you never can tell exactly what happens with a condom in the dark, eh? So that's good news. Although was in a very bad mood, griping and sniping at everyone. You know those days when just EVERYONE pisses you off?

Main causes: Everyone looking at my "Mothership" t-shirt and telling me I'm "too young" to remember Led Zeppelin. Oh what, so just because I wasn't alive in their heyday, that means I can't know or like them? I wasn't even a twinkle in my Grandma's EYE when Ray Charles was around, does that mean I can't enjoy a good sing-a-long to "I got a woman"? I must've missed THAT rule!

Pat's STILL blanking me......

Little Dickhead was in. Got on fairly well, after a little banter about my t-shirt. Until the end of the night, when the lights are out, the cheeky fags are lit up and only a few remain. We're talking about weight loss, I recommend my current diet, etc..... So then guess what his mate pipes up and tells me? He deliberately put on weight, because he thought then he'd have MORE OF A CHANCE WITH ME. That fucking cheeky cunt!! Naturally, I just stood there gawping for a few minutes, while he berated his mate for telling me. Apparently, he thought that because I was a "bigger" girl, he'd have a better shot if he "caught me up." I literally didn't know what to say. For a few minutes anyway, before going all Bette Porter on his arse. Seriously, the following conversation may not look remotely realistic, but I was so angry, I came over all articulate and fierce.

ME: "I can't believe you said that. So - according to you - my weight is the SOLE definer of who I am and what kind of person I'm attracted to? You know NOTHING about me or the kind of men I like, you just think that because I'm a big girl, I'll just automatically go for a big guy? Because that's naturally the first place I'd go to? What, because that's really the only option I'll have?"
HIM: "Wait, hang on..... I never said that....."
ME: "Yes you did. And I can't believe you think I'm the kind of person who looks at other people's WEIGHT above anything else. Frankly, I've never felt so insulted in my whole life."

(*Dead Silence*)

ME: "I'm ringing my taxi."

That fucking cock-ass. I wanted to fucking murder him, rip his balls off and shove them in his ears. He didn't say anything more after that. I practically stomped holes in the ground as I walked out the door.
2 hours later, I'm still fuming. How DARE someone presume they know how I feel and look at people? Honestly, I was desperate to say; "I don't go for size, I go for people I get on with, with a fantastic personality. Which is why YOU were doomed from the start." But I thought that might be slightly hurtful. Although looking back on how hurt I felt, I wish I HAD said it now.

Ah well. Going shopping with Auntie tomorrow which should be fun. Although God only knows how I'm going to clear the stopping-for-lunch hurdle. What on earth can I do? Maybe I should order a salad or vegetable soup. Yeah right, IN THE FOOD COURT??! Flask of soup in the handbag it is, then.

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Current Mood: grumpy
Current Music: "Light my fire" - Will Young