meh......

Dear dairy,

Two things I am feeling in my 4am-im-so-drunk-im-uncontrollably-shaking state:

POINT 1: I fucking love David. Seriously. Just been talking to him for the first time in ages for the past 2 hours, and despite him giving me sex advice and telling me exactly how to be in bed and real life, I still would. ANd I think I just told him that. Ooooooooooops. But he was telling me how horny he was, we haven't spoken in about a year, one thing led to another..... DAMN. He still knows how to oil my engine. He has all the maturity and experience of a 28 year-old, but all the finesse and sexuality of a......... STALLION!!! Fcuking love him. Not to mention EVERY time we talk on Facebook, it always either descendds into a disccussion of sex, moaning about how long its been since we had sex, remembering the last time WE had sex, or having cyber-sex. Whatta man.
(PS: Found out the truthe - I WAS the last person he had sex with! Fucking RIGHT!!!)
He's bascially just told me that as well as being good-looking (eh?!), funny and good in bed, I'm also incredibly sweet, and he's a "sucker for a sweetie". Awwwww! And then he said that if I were there and we were discussing this over a beer, he'd be trying to get into my pants right now. And you know what? I was wildly flattered.


POINT 2: If people really don't want to hang out and be married anymore, and seemingly have no love left for each other, why the fucking hellfire don't they divorce, instead of staying together and BICKERING ALL THE GODDAMN TIME??! It makes sense, no? Instead of sitting on separate sofas, watching TV in separate rooms, slagging each other off "jokingly" to their mutual friends, never seeming to share a single SHRED of affection and argueing over the tiniest stupid things. And for the record - referring to your wife's moods as "the time of the month" is ridiculously juvenile, surely no-one has believed that excuse since the 90's??! And telling your daughter about her mother, etc..... is just WRONG. You want me to be on your side? Fine. Just don't talk about my Mum like she is some invading Russian army, who's every word and whim must be followed, for fear of execution. Fucking grow a pair - if you don't LIKE let alone LOVE each other anymore, than file for divorce, rather than living in boredom and unhappiness. There I said it.
I'm beginning to think that all the getting along and happiness and relative calm during Christmas was just for that - Christmas. Because we're all supposed to "be happy" and get along at Christmas. And I'm beginning to get the impression that it was all just for the holidays. And that makes me sad to think about. Because im conflicted - I dont want Mum and Dad to be living a lie if it makes them unhappyy, but I don't want the family home and our routine to go (even if it bores me senseless). I'm just so fed up off not being able to stay in a room long enough when they're both there, for fear that Mum will find something to snipe at Dad about, or Dad will find something to aggravatge Mum about. I give in. I just can't wait till both Shaun and I are moved out, because if that's all they were staying together for, they can finally give it up.

And it makes me feel really REALLY weird that I just typed all that at the same time as having cyber sex with David on Facebook. Strongbow, eh?

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PS: How the frig did I type so much? I can barely focus!!!
PPS: Still talking to David, and it's now actually officially 6am. Christ almighty.
PPPS: I now have a photo of David's knob-on. And he's gonna try arrange a Male-Female-Female threesome. Or at least a house party that he is inviting me too. Where the inevitable will happen. Oh my sweet lord. I love the man.